Hottspringss
Member
Don't know if it's a good thing or not to find out I'm not the only porn junkie out there. 
Being my first journal, here is my story. And it's a pretty damn scary one.
While a decent looking smart teenage boy in about 1976 I first discovered porn magazines at a local store. Even though I wasn't old enough to buy them, they didn't care. I could buy all I wanted. I still remember a layout called Roller Babies. Featured lesbians on the roller derby rink. Anyways, it became apparent pretty quickly it was a whole lot easier to get out the mags and take care of things myself than to work at getting a woman.
After high school it was off to the Navy. It's amazing what salt peter in the food can do. Ha!
In the Navy in San Diego was a pornsters dream. Still it was mostly magazines. I liked the big women with large boobs. Gent was my favorite. Well before too long the regular magazines weren't enough. Keep in mind Al hadn't invented the internet yet, so I started going to the porn store. Wow! There was some really cool stuff in there.
After three and a half years in San Diego with very little opportunity to meet women, let alone spend time with them, I'd become quite familiar with my hand and porn mags.
After the Navy it was off to college. Now here there were a lot of women available. And I took advantage of the situation. However, my well used magazine collection made the move from San Diego with me. And yes, I used em. But by now they were not getting the job done. Then I discovered a porn movie theater in town. And a couple of nights a week I would hope on my bicycle and go watch.
Well, no harm no foul yet. Married right after college, a good sex life with wife. Well, maybe not. She worked nights and there was a video store just a couple of blocks away. Yes, you got it. From renting one movie a week to a couple of movies several times a week I headed down that path. That's also when I started having sexual affairs with other women.
Well, I'm not going to bore you with all that. But here I am 30 years later. I've had countless pmo sessions. In the later years it may last for hours. And it gave less and less pleasure. I'd graduated to the video booth at the porn store where I started doing things with other guys. I've gone from good tame porn to extreme stuff including needing a big dose of gay and/or tranny stuff (I really don't think I'm gay). I've had several affairs with other women. I've met up with numerous guys met on Craigslist. I've had a semi-regular thing going with a transvestite. But it was never any good or enough.
I've lost a wife and two good girlfriends because I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. I performed poorly at work because I would watch porn at the office during the day. I would go back to the office at night and pretend to work, but actually watched more porn. I've lost a couple of jobs because I couldn't control myself.
I've had PIED for a few years and just kept on with it. I didn't know what it was, but I sure suspected it.
I've been a horrible person and am disgusted with myself and my behavior. And just four days ago lost a beautiful caring woman because she couldn't take it any more. And I can't ask her for forgiveness again because I know I can't be trusted and don't deserve it.
But I am going to try to get myself together and get better. I really am.
Being my first journal, here is my story. And it's a pretty damn scary one.
While a decent looking smart teenage boy in about 1976 I first discovered porn magazines at a local store. Even though I wasn't old enough to buy them, they didn't care. I could buy all I wanted. I still remember a layout called Roller Babies. Featured lesbians on the roller derby rink. Anyways, it became apparent pretty quickly it was a whole lot easier to get out the mags and take care of things myself than to work at getting a woman.
After high school it was off to the Navy. It's amazing what salt peter in the food can do. Ha!
In the Navy in San Diego was a pornsters dream. Still it was mostly magazines. I liked the big women with large boobs. Gent was my favorite. Well before too long the regular magazines weren't enough. Keep in mind Al hadn't invented the internet yet, so I started going to the porn store. Wow! There was some really cool stuff in there.
After three and a half years in San Diego with very little opportunity to meet women, let alone spend time with them, I'd become quite familiar with my hand and porn mags.
After the Navy it was off to college. Now here there were a lot of women available. And I took advantage of the situation. However, my well used magazine collection made the move from San Diego with me. And yes, I used em. But by now they were not getting the job done. Then I discovered a porn movie theater in town. And a couple of nights a week I would hope on my bicycle and go watch.
Well, no harm no foul yet. Married right after college, a good sex life with wife. Well, maybe not. She worked nights and there was a video store just a couple of blocks away. Yes, you got it. From renting one movie a week to a couple of movies several times a week I headed down that path. That's also when I started having sexual affairs with other women.
Well, I'm not going to bore you with all that. But here I am 30 years later. I've had countless pmo sessions. In the later years it may last for hours. And it gave less and less pleasure. I'd graduated to the video booth at the porn store where I started doing things with other guys. I've gone from good tame porn to extreme stuff including needing a big dose of gay and/or tranny stuff (I really don't think I'm gay). I've had several affairs with other women. I've met up with numerous guys met on Craigslist. I've had a semi-regular thing going with a transvestite. But it was never any good or enough.
I've lost a wife and two good girlfriends because I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. I performed poorly at work because I would watch porn at the office during the day. I would go back to the office at night and pretend to work, but actually watched more porn. I've lost a couple of jobs because I couldn't control myself.
I've had PIED for a few years and just kept on with it. I didn't know what it was, but I sure suspected it.
I've been a horrible person and am disgusted with myself and my behavior. And just four days ago lost a beautiful caring woman because she couldn't take it any more. And I can't ask her for forgiveness again because I know I can't be trusted and don't deserve it.
But I am going to try to get myself together and get better. I really am.
