Introduction-
I am a 24 years old student. I think I am relatively friendly and charismatic. I have good and supportive friends. I workout 3 times a week doing crossfit. My health is good and I don?t really know what else to write so I will move on haha..
By the way, please excuse my English; it is not my native language and if I make mistakes please do correct me.
Past experience ?
As long as I can remember myself, I was masturbating. When I was young, in order not to be caught I would try to climax as fast as possible. I don?t remember when the first time I saw porn was but I guess it was around age 14-16. When I was 16, I had a girlfriend (let's call her Lisa for the sake of the story), we did not have sex but once we almost had and I climaxed in my pants, I work hard to hide it and get her out of my house. Short time afterwards I broke up with her not in a nice way (I was a child I panicked). The following years I avoided relationships with real girls while cultivating porn use.
When I was about 20, I met a girl I had a crush on and it was nice but when we had a moment and I felt like kissing her I just couldn?t do it and soon it was over and I didn?t understand what happened. This and few more things got me thinking that I need to change my ways so I start exercising and lost 20 kg , I thought myself how to pickup girls , all along porn was with me in the background and I didn?t think of it.
Sex and I ?
So I got my first phone number, first kiss, second I was making progress , I started feeling good about myself I realized I did not love myself back then. I was at a point I felt like needing to ask some people I hurt forgiveness and so forgive myself so I phoned Lisa too, few months later we had sex and she was my first. First time was quick but I did not cared it was cool with her and me. However, I did not want to have sex with her anymore.
Few moths later I met a girl in a pub and week later we met again she came to my place, long story short- while she was naked on my bed I fingered her and then without any physical stimulation I just climaxed. I was shocked and embarrassed. 20 minutes later we tried again, as soon as my pines got into her I was done. I couldn?t really talk I just got shut. There I first realized something is wrong and I need to fix it.
2 years of - 5 more girls that were more or less the same, little bit of depression, avoiding sex (or relationship) with any normal girl, tons of porn, hating myself for masturbating because it feels like I am raping myself .
I had enough of it.
Why I am here ?
For 2 month or so, I tried to quit porn and masturbation in general and failed. I think I am ready now to go the distance to the next step in my journey. I want to be part of the community and hopefully motivate others one day.
Actions I already took ?
- I gave away my Facebook account.
- I deleted my porn stash.
- I took a decision not to watch porn.
Goals ? (I will make better goals with time)
- Keep on not watching porn.
- Start going to sexologist.
- Create healthy relationship.
That is all for today. I will try to update everyday. hope i didn't write too much haha
Thanks for reading
I am a 24 years old student. I think I am relatively friendly and charismatic. I have good and supportive friends. I workout 3 times a week doing crossfit. My health is good and I don?t really know what else to write so I will move on haha..
By the way, please excuse my English; it is not my native language and if I make mistakes please do correct me.
Past experience ?
As long as I can remember myself, I was masturbating. When I was young, in order not to be caught I would try to climax as fast as possible. I don?t remember when the first time I saw porn was but I guess it was around age 14-16. When I was 16, I had a girlfriend (let's call her Lisa for the sake of the story), we did not have sex but once we almost had and I climaxed in my pants, I work hard to hide it and get her out of my house. Short time afterwards I broke up with her not in a nice way (I was a child I panicked). The following years I avoided relationships with real girls while cultivating porn use.
When I was about 20, I met a girl I had a crush on and it was nice but when we had a moment and I felt like kissing her I just couldn?t do it and soon it was over and I didn?t understand what happened. This and few more things got me thinking that I need to change my ways so I start exercising and lost 20 kg , I thought myself how to pickup girls , all along porn was with me in the background and I didn?t think of it.
Sex and I ?
So I got my first phone number, first kiss, second I was making progress , I started feeling good about myself I realized I did not love myself back then. I was at a point I felt like needing to ask some people I hurt forgiveness and so forgive myself so I phoned Lisa too, few months later we had sex and she was my first. First time was quick but I did not cared it was cool with her and me. However, I did not want to have sex with her anymore.
Few moths later I met a girl in a pub and week later we met again she came to my place, long story short- while she was naked on my bed I fingered her and then without any physical stimulation I just climaxed. I was shocked and embarrassed. 20 minutes later we tried again, as soon as my pines got into her I was done. I couldn?t really talk I just got shut. There I first realized something is wrong and I need to fix it.
2 years of - 5 more girls that were more or less the same, little bit of depression, avoiding sex (or relationship) with any normal girl, tons of porn, hating myself for masturbating because it feels like I am raping myself .
I had enough of it.
Why I am here ?
For 2 month or so, I tried to quit porn and masturbation in general and failed. I think I am ready now to go the distance to the next step in my journey. I want to be part of the community and hopefully motivate others one day.
Actions I already took ?
- I gave away my Facebook account.
- I deleted my porn stash.
- I took a decision not to watch porn.
Goals ? (I will make better goals with time)
- Keep on not watching porn.
- Start going to sexologist.
- Create healthy relationship.
That is all for today. I will try to update everyday. hope i didn't write too much haha
Thanks for reading
