Trying this again

[tohellwiththedevil]

If I don't do something to break this addiction, I may lose everything. I have cheated on her, had numerous FB affairs.
I have been addicted since about 10 years old. I am currently 48 and have been married for almost 20 years.
My biggest problem are the night demons. I have so much temptation to either try to contact those that I have flirtatious sexual affairs with on Facebook.
I could really use a person to talk to during these times.
I also have ED due to porn. I will post on that page too.
Thanks in advance

 

[offaxis]

Sounds like smartphones are a big problem for you, especially late at night. I can definitely empathise with that. They are nasty devices for porn and sexually compulsive behaviour because they are ubiquitous and very easy to keep everything hidden. You need to make big steps to turn that around.

People rationalise why they need a smartphone by their side 24/7 but in reality they don't really need it at all. Getting into bad habits is an easy trap to fall in. The same power of habit can be made positive. For example, leaving your phone at work overnight (you probably have a house phone still or can borrow someone's if you really need it). Put it away or make good rules for yourself and ask your gf/wife to help make them stick. E.g. no use after 9pm (then 8pm etc). Allocate a small amount of time once or twice per day to deal with your phone then leave it. Better, get an old dumb phone. Or better still, get a NoPhone.

Sticking to these habits is the hardest part but keep working at it. It is very rewarding.

 

[Numez]

it hurts to say this but i think you need to be honest with your wife. i can only imagine how uncomfortable it can get but being honest is better in the long run.

 

[Keta]

You need to be honest with your wife Bro. I mean, you've been together for 20yrs right? That's awesome.

About your smartphone, install an all called Flipd. helps you lock your phone for as long as 12hrs. You can't cheat that app no matter how bad your urge is. It locks everything except call. Helps me.

 

[TelekineticOwl]

I'm not sure why this doesn't get brought up more, but here we go: GET A THERAPIST. Bonus points for talking to a psychiatrist as well.

It may take a couple tries to find one you like, but they are professionally trained to help you process these things, can teach you coping methods, and are sworn to secrecy unless someone's life is in serious danger.

If you are this serious about making your relationship work, then talk to someone who has spent their life dealing with these topics. A forum can only do so much for you.

I'd also consider a marriage counselor to help you ease into these convorsations with your wife.

A lot of people want to dispute me on personal reasons for distrusting experts, but if you're really serious about this then you'll try anything right?

Good luck!

 

[le_petit_moster]

Friend. Leaving the phone at work, installing filtering apps, etc., will make the PMO more powerful that what it is ? Do you want that ?
If you do not take care of the big monster ( the illusion of PMO being a crutch and/or pleasure)- no matter how successful you are in taming the little monster( porn craving) - you will create frustration for yourself.
If you are feeling 'deprived and miserable' then you sure need to slaughter the big monster first.
I have a hackbook that you can try which is based on a popular method. I guarantee you success !!!
https://sites.google.com/site/hackbookeasypeasy/
~ It does not involve your willpower
~ You are allowed to PMO until you finish the book !!!
~ You will fell elated and happy about your future non-PMO life
Give it a try. You have a perfect Pascal's Wager deal...
a) a small temporary loss [ short term PMO loss ]
b) a huge gain [ happy and free life from PMO]
and c) avoiding a huge loss [ brain change, PIED, PE, etc.,]
Good luck