Checkin' in

[survivor]

Survivor here.

I haven't posted for a few days as I haven't felt a need. However, the need is here now.

I've been clean for ten days and will remain so today. The issue is that my original euphoria around being sober is starting to dissipate and I'm starting to have trouble sleeping, which makes me cranky, lacking in motivation and energy and with a sense of "Who cares and what does it matter anyway!" In my previous program we used to refer to this outlook as a case of the 'F--kits'. I'm also getting more triggered by attractive women I see and am starting to spend far too much time staring at them.

With the staring issue comes a deep sense of loss - "I'll never be able to be promiscuously sexual, even though it's fantasy sex, again."

I know I have to grieve this. This addiction has been my constant companion for more than fifty years and it's always been there to provide me comfort whenever I've been down.

That being said I know this place I'm in right now is only temporary. Additionally, I cherish the honesty I have with my wife - I have no secrets from her anymore. In spite of this temporary place I find myself in at the moment I am also much more motivated, energized and positive than I was prior to starting in this program. I need to remember the benefits, focus on the benefits and strive to maintain the benefits. It can only get better as time goes on. The lack of porn is only a negative if I choose to see it that way.

I think that's it for the moment. More to follow later.


Ciao all. 

 

[OldHornyGuy]

Even though I am over 30 days PMO free and having a glorious time with my SO I found myself drooling over everything in a skirt while out today.  One young lady was stunning by any measure and I circled around much more than I should have.  Fortunately my son is with me this afternoon, so no relapse, but I still didn't like the leering feeling, I was kind of creeping myself out.

But it was not a full relapse and I can channel my horniness in a more positive direction soon.

Peace and Stay Strong!

 

[survivor]

Thanks buddy.

It's good to know I'm not alone in this struggle.


Power to you and your recovery,

Survivor

 

[PMOVictory]

HI there

Funny you should mention it. Just yesterday I was in town, paging through a small Chinese shop. As I cornered one of the isles looking towards the counter there stood this tall blond. She had sexy long legs that were going on forever, only covered with leggings. I could not help but drool...
Then she turned around and bang, BANG.
She was mot what I imagined, I would say in her 50's, not the prettiest of face.
Immediately I said to myself. This is the problem. We objectify woman, we have un realistic expectations about them, all caused by PMO. What an eye opener.
I could walk away thinking. What a fool you are!

Stay strong and be blessed!

 

[OldHornyGuy]

What a great observation!  I cannot count the number of times that I have seen a woman at a bit of distance and got the hormone machine all cranked up because of some isolated characteristic and then realized she weren't so hot.  It's even worse, when she turns around and turns out to be a guy!

It strikes me this is destructive twice.  One the one hand we can get so turned on by one characteristic (in my case hairstyle is a big deal, but that is just me!) this reduces a woman to just boobs or ass or whatever.  Pretty sad and sexist.

And then we make it worse by saying, if the rest of her doesn't look pornstar perfect, she ain't worth even looking at -- even the part we started with!  Really incredibly sad and stupid and I have been doing it for many, many years.

But if I might say, I am thinking that blonde in the store is probably an absolute monster in bed, awesome beyond words.  Probably smart and sweet too.  Isn't that what it is supposed to be all about?

I will say there is something to be learned from porn (don't try this at home!) and that is that appearance is almost irrelevant to performance.  I can't count the number of times when I saw an actress that had all of my appearance triggers, but the scene sucked because she looked bored.  As my searching branched out I also could not help but notice that women of all sizes, shapes and ages could also turn in fantastic performances. (Hope this is not a trigger for anyone!)

We need to learn to evaluate people by their talents and performance, not appearance.  I hate to say it, but when it comes to sex, porn taught me that.