Just Keepin' Close

[survivor]

Survivor here.

Still clean and not feeling any strong pull at the moment but I know that right now I need to keep close to all of you. It's too easy to lull myself into believing I've got this under control and don't need to make connection anymore. What happens is I gradually isolate more and more, get smug in the belief that I can control it this time and then get drawn into having 'just a peek'. Just a peek is never just a peek. It always leads to full blown masturbation and a constant craving for more.

Besides, I know that I would then be trying to keep it secret from my wife, which always eventually ends in failure as she is too smart to be fooled. Then I gotta 'fess up' once again and experience all the disappointment, guilt and sense of failure that comes with it. Additionally, I'd only have to start again and go through all the stages that I've already put behind me this go around.

I need to remind myself on a regular basis that taking that one peek is not worth the far reaching consequences that come as a result. There is an old 'AA' phrase that is quite applicable here. "One drink (peek) is too many and ten is not enough." So true.


Adios amigos. Stay strong.

 

[OldHornyGuy]

And I will also say, there is no "keeping it secret."  If someone hasn't been caught yet, the SO might not quite know WHAT it is, but she knows something is going on.  PMO saps so much energy out of us, they always know something is going on.  It's like going out to start your car and it barely turns over, you know something is draining the battery.  They know.  We are fools to think we are keeping it secret.

Stay strong and be good to your wife!

 

[savingmysoul]

So very true OHG,

They know something is not right.  In hindsight, looking back on my life, i was grumpy, crotchety, miserable at times.  My wife knew something wasn't right, and i knew what i was doing - and i continued to allow her to feel the way she was feeling.  I did nothing to stop, nothing to protect her, i did not honor her.  I am sure there are SO's out there, fearing the worst not knowing - and who may not look, may not ask all the questions that should be asked because they don't really want to know - they want to believe their spouse.  They want to have faith.