Hey guys I was wondering if my sometime feeling lack of emotions is due to the reboot, I have been rebooting seriously since may last year with around 4 or 5 slip ups usually while depressed or stressed about something. I am22 days iinto my latest streak and most days feel ok and can laugh at things with friends and my girlfriend, what slightly worries me is some days I could listen to my favourite music and not really be feeling it same with tv programmes or video games. Before my latest relapse I went 110 days without porn and I did feel my emotions really coming back, at the moment I do still have my emotions just occasionally have off days and have been worried its some kind of depersonalisation disorder as I read something online(bad idea I know haha). Anyway just wondered what peoples opinions were
emotions?
- Thread starter Mad Mike
- Start date
offaxis
Active Member
Personally, I used porn to repress and avoid my emotions, particularly negative ones. (And oddly now realise that by doing so, I just made it much worse really).
When I stopped using, I found it very difficult and had a lot of strong feelings come out that previously I would have gone to porn to squash. Often those were uncomfortable feelings. Like anger, loneliness and so on. I started developing different ways of dealing with them.
But it was very difficult for a long time and still is at times. I can connect a lot with feeling very low and quite depressed. Actually sulking too like my favourite toy had been taken away. Riding the dopamine high back down and readjusting is far from easy. I am not sure there is a point where it's all alright again. For me, it's been more about adjusting and allowing yourself to feel more and accepting a wider tolerance of feelings. On the plus side, when I do have positive feelings about things or people, that tends to be much sweeter for it it. Increasing that emotional tolerance that you can handle it works both ways. But it has been a rough ride.
Some days I do feel flat still. Others not. I try to keep going. Maybe that is depression, I'm not sure but I think everyone has up and down days to some extent. I am not sure how far that goes for you but you sound worried.
When I stopped using, I found it very difficult and had a lot of strong feelings come out that previously I would have gone to porn to squash. Often those were uncomfortable feelings. Like anger, loneliness and so on. I started developing different ways of dealing with them.
But it was very difficult for a long time and still is at times. I can connect a lot with feeling very low and quite depressed. Actually sulking too like my favourite toy had been taken away. Riding the dopamine high back down and readjusting is far from easy. I am not sure there is a point where it's all alright again. For me, it's been more about adjusting and allowing yourself to feel more and accepting a wider tolerance of feelings. On the plus side, when I do have positive feelings about things or people, that tends to be much sweeter for it it. Increasing that emotional tolerance that you can handle it works both ways. But it has been a rough ride.
Some days I do feel flat still. Others not. I try to keep going. Maybe that is depression, I'm not sure but I think everyone has up and down days to some extent. I am not sure how far that goes for you but you sound worried.
aquarius25
Respected Member
I don't know about anyone else but I know that my husband defiantly experienced suppressed emotions while he was viewing porn. It got worse over time. To the point where he wouldn't associate with our kids as much. He was slowly checking out. After D-day and over the course of his reboot he has changed a lot. He is so more emotional now.
yesyes1234
Active Member
On YBOP desensitization is listed as one of the common effects of addictions. And I can definitely relate as well.
offaxis
Active Member
For me, I noticed an odd interaction.
The more I felt down, sad, alone etc. then the more I would want to act out. So part of recovery for me is about not letting those feelings in too hard. Acknowledge them and move on. You have a lot of positive things in your life and it's great your girlfriend wants you. Quite a few people don't have that.
By dwelling on the negative things or getting stuck there, thus allows the part of my mind that will go to the porn to creep in. But then using porn just makes that worse and is digging yourself deeper into the pit and giving you more difficult emotions to handle. Which already we are not good at because when we get like that, we want porn for comfort.
So it's about breaking that cycle. Emotions are unavoidable, they are part of life and being human. With porn, it can make you feel like difficult feelings can be made avoidable. But that's the trap right there. The feelings are not avoidable and by using porn, we just make things harder because there is now more shame and guilt on top of whatever other problems you were having. So the porn becomes more appealing and so forth. In a downwards spiral.
Feelings can never kill you. You can allow your feelings to harm yourself if they stop you doing things either directly or indirectly. You cannot easily control what you feel. But that's what we try to do with porn. Instead, we can choose what we do with those feelings and how we approach our lives.
I often used to lie a lot about the small things. Are you OK? Yes, I'm fine. But actually I'm not. Now that might be an OK approach for people you work with or casual acquaintances. But if your partner asks, it's not going to work well to shrug it off like that. Being able to be honest with safe and supportive people is very important. I am worried about a whole bunch of things. Running away won't solve any of that. The first step to solving a problem is getting it all out visible and in the open.
Peace.
The more I felt down, sad, alone etc. then the more I would want to act out. So part of recovery for me is about not letting those feelings in too hard. Acknowledge them and move on. You have a lot of positive things in your life and it's great your girlfriend wants you. Quite a few people don't have that.
By dwelling on the negative things or getting stuck there, thus allows the part of my mind that will go to the porn to creep in. But then using porn just makes that worse and is digging yourself deeper into the pit and giving you more difficult emotions to handle. Which already we are not good at because when we get like that, we want porn for comfort.
So it's about breaking that cycle. Emotions are unavoidable, they are part of life and being human. With porn, it can make you feel like difficult feelings can be made avoidable. But that's the trap right there. The feelings are not avoidable and by using porn, we just make things harder because there is now more shame and guilt on top of whatever other problems you were having. So the porn becomes more appealing and so forth. In a downwards spiral.
Feelings can never kill you. You can allow your feelings to harm yourself if they stop you doing things either directly or indirectly. You cannot easily control what you feel. But that's what we try to do with porn. Instead, we can choose what we do with those feelings and how we approach our lives.
I often used to lie a lot about the small things. Are you OK? Yes, I'm fine. But actually I'm not. Now that might be an OK approach for people you work with or casual acquaintances. But if your partner asks, it's not going to work well to shrug it off like that. Being able to be honest with safe and supportive people is very important. I am worried about a whole bunch of things. Running away won't solve any of that. The first step to solving a problem is getting it all out visible and in the open.
Peace.