AnonymousAnnaXO
Active Member
So it's been over 7 months of recovery for my partner and I. Last tuesday we had a talk. A talk I'd been longing for for months. We talked about his shame. He knew we had to talk and so we've decided weekly talk sessions for porn addiction and recovery specifically were to happen once per week, and more if necessary. He said we should go through the questions in the Love You Hate The Porn book and it's been wonderful.
Honestly I haven't felt closer to him since before I found out about the addiction. Since we started talking, and he has been open and honest with his feelings, we've been better, the anger and resentment is gone ( and only comes up when triggered), and I've actually enjoyed his company. I've enjoyed hanging out with him, and I've enjoyed doing things, loving things, for him again. I actually want to show my love to him again in a romantic way (i.e. buying sweet gifts, and giving surprises, etc.). I honestly never thought I would get to this place or level of happiness with him so quickly.
However, with this progress, and this feeling of new found trust (I do not completely fully trust him, but I do trust him a lot more than I thought I could at this stage) I am having a lot of anxiety and panic attacks.
The past two days I've had triggering things come up and I've fully broken down crying and that hasn't happened since I first found out about his addiction. My theory is, I am freaking out because I'm scared to trust him. Each time in the past when any trust was earned I would find something new that destroyed all the work. So I think that even though I'm trusting him more, I am scared that once I do accept that trust I will magically find something to tear it all down.
My partner has been clean for 7 months, hasn't had urges, and has told me if he ever saw something that to me is triggering due to my anorexia. Except for the one spotify and other computer incident (not sharing his history from that computer- there was no porn just a lot of wasted time at work looking at cars since he is a car nut) he has been recovering quite well.
I am not sure if anyone else here has experienced new found love for their partner, and has experienced letting go of the anger and resentment, and actually trusting their partner more, but if they have, did any of you guys get nightmares again, or be more sensitive to triggers? I had the worst nightmare last night and I woke up at 3:30 in the morning and my partner stayed up with me, holding me as I broke down, and we talked until 6 in the morning an hour before his alarm for work was to go off. So I've seen a lot of great progress with him and with myself, I guess I'm just really scared to trust myself that I can trust him more...
Honestly I haven't felt closer to him since before I found out about the addiction. Since we started talking, and he has been open and honest with his feelings, we've been better, the anger and resentment is gone ( and only comes up when triggered), and I've actually enjoyed his company. I've enjoyed hanging out with him, and I've enjoyed doing things, loving things, for him again. I actually want to show my love to him again in a romantic way (i.e. buying sweet gifts, and giving surprises, etc.). I honestly never thought I would get to this place or level of happiness with him so quickly.
However, with this progress, and this feeling of new found trust (I do not completely fully trust him, but I do trust him a lot more than I thought I could at this stage) I am having a lot of anxiety and panic attacks.
The past two days I've had triggering things come up and I've fully broken down crying and that hasn't happened since I first found out about his addiction. My theory is, I am freaking out because I'm scared to trust him. Each time in the past when any trust was earned I would find something new that destroyed all the work. So I think that even though I'm trusting him more, I am scared that once I do accept that trust I will magically find something to tear it all down.
My partner has been clean for 7 months, hasn't had urges, and has told me if he ever saw something that to me is triggering due to my anorexia. Except for the one spotify and other computer incident (not sharing his history from that computer- there was no porn just a lot of wasted time at work looking at cars since he is a car nut) he has been recovering quite well.
I am not sure if anyone else here has experienced new found love for their partner, and has experienced letting go of the anger and resentment, and actually trusting their partner more, but if they have, did any of you guys get nightmares again, or be more sensitive to triggers? I had the worst nightmare last night and I woke up at 3:30 in the morning and my partner stayed up with me, holding me as I broke down, and we talked until 6 in the morning an hour before his alarm for work was to go off. So I've seen a lot of great progress with him and with myself, I guess I'm just really scared to trust myself that I can trust him more...
