B2B Journal - And So It Begins...

[back2basics]

Hi,

About a year ago in 2016 I admitted to myself that I was addicted to porn.
Something was just off, you know. I'd be jerking it and I'd notice my thing wasn't as hard as it should be, or that the stuff I was watching I wasn't even attracted to, and it all just felt wrong. It's like I was doing it just for the sake of doing it-and I think that best describes my masturbation cycle from that point prior. I would do it before sleep, as a way to decompress after a long day, and before long I noticed I couldn't fall asleep without it. An addiction. It's not that I wanted to, it's that I had to.

I decided to own up to this and face the addiction. My previous sexual encounters told me that my erectile health was not where it should be for a teenager/twenty something and I was beginning to worry more and more about the next time I'd have sex and whether or not I'd be able to perform. So, I took it upon myself to fix my problem. I began reading this site, and actually, took on the challenge quite passionately. After all, why wouldn't I want to experience a natural, healthy erection again?

The days came and went. At first I had trouble sleeping, then it was the withdrawals kicking in and the constant begging for porn, but somehow, I occupied myself and dealt with all of this in a satisfactory manner. Then the flatline hit. It actually came quite early on, but I wasn't ready for it. I became very depressed, lonely, and my penis felt dead. Nothing could wake it and I noticed that I wouldn't have morning erections either. I waited and waited, without any PMO whatsoever, began talking to girls and smooching and getting a feel for the natural way of things again (as per the recommendation of the site) and one day it happened. I got the greatest erection I've ever gotten. We're talking throbbing, rip through your pants, and eternal. Finally, the sign that I had been waiting for came and I knew that not only was my addiction confirmed, but progress was being made. I started getting better erections (although not as good as this first one) and continued with the cycle. It got to the point where I was making-out with someone and my erection was so nice that just the friction between it and my jeans was enough to make me O. Most people would find that situation incredibly embarrassing, but I was so happy at my progress that I saw it as nothing but a positive thing. Granted I never saw that girl again, but hey, my member was getting prepped for the next one.

Then it happened. In a world where sex is everywhere, it was only a matter of time before seeing something shared via a friend on a Facebook feed. Yep, and it was one of those videos. So I relapsed to some soft pictures but it was a relapse nonetheless. Then the old habit kicked in hard and I spent the next week PMOing like crazy. Then a few days later I met the person that would later become my girlfriend, and from then on, the Os never stopped. She was my first girlfriend and fell for her immediately so i couldn't say no to getting into a relationship, but I did very well in not watching any porn after my relapse. Like I said the Os never stopped but at least it was real sex I was experiencing. However, after this relapse, I did notice that I fell into a bit of another flatline and had difficulty getting it up during the beginning. For the rest of the relationship, I did not masturbate or watch porn (just a few relapses 7/8 months later, usually just a one time thing) and saw my erectile health improve once again, but not fully.

It's now 2017 and the relationship has come and gone. While I was able to recover slightly again from the initial relapse (my erections during my relationship did get better, got a few spontaneous, natural ones that made sex more possible/enjoyable too), I haven't gotten an erection as good as the one I experienced during my first no PMO trial. I have been wanting to start the new year free of PMO but there have been a few instances of P and some of M (barely together). I'm deciding to start again.

Here's where I stand:
I tried 90 days of no PMO and failed maybe halfway through, but saw great, promising results.
Slight recovery was seen as I ditched P for the duration of a relationship, but constant Os meant that I never actually took this as a rewiring, especially since I would sometimes struggle with getting it up.
Now it's time to start again. I've joined the forum for encouragement and to encourage (results do come!) and because I crave to have an erection like the aforementioned one again. I'm on day 3 of no PMO and I want to make it to 90 days without porn, masturbation, or orgasm. In fact, I will make it 90 days.

New 90 no PMO trial:
Day 3
I may be in flatline again. My organ feels useless.
Not depressed.

3 month plan:
1st month: complete no PMO. Find ways to spend time. Eat well, focus on internal health. Get back to exercising.
2nd month: complete no PMO + continue healthy habits + start approaching women in hopes of rewiring to real intimacy.
3rd month: complete no PMO + continue healthy habits + approach women + start smooching + get ready for sex after 90 days.

Good luck to you all, may we beat this thing once and for all.

Cheers!

b2b

 

[Nawaz Sharif]

You are really inspirational bro. Thanks

 

[RedeemingAddiction21]

Expect me to be reading your posts daily haha
I've made it to 7 months before it gave up and then 4 months and then gave up and now I'm reattempting again but this time I threw in the variable of no masturbation and that really has been a challenge. I'm on day 36 and I'm mid flatline. It sucks to have a dead dick but in exchange for an uncontrollable erection, I'll take that tradeoff! I've experienced it before and the bad thing about it is that it's so hard that porn urges come back with a striking vengeance. Which is what made me give up after 7 months. BUT I'm at a different change of pace.

So I'm right there with you, post frequently. I'll be reading.

 

[back2basics]

Day 4:

Thanks for reading gentlemen.
Glad to have you on board.

That's insane how you've gone so far and STILL had urges. I think that verifies the different periods of time that it takes for people to beat this thing. 7 months is a ridiculously long amount of time, but i think that by incorporating masturbation into it, you may put yourself in more danger, since porn is just a few clicks away (unfortunately).

But day 36 of  no PMO and still in mid flatline sounds about right. I'd consider throwing in real women here and there. You'll find that really helps.

And this goes for everyone too. I'm someone that enjoys gaming (cold approaching women for phone numbers) and does it often. Even before I knew i had an addiction, stopping M for a while REALLY urges you to go to talk to women. We're creatures of biology. It's only natural. So doing PMO with this mentality is actually quite interesting. When I first did it a year ago, as i mentioned above, I was lonely. Loneliness can be both a blessing and a curse. It meant not having anyone (especially girls) to talk to so there was no pressure or natural magnetism towards having sex. It does make it easier to relapse but the name of the game is to stay strong, so onwards and forwards! But to get to my point, after a while of no PMO (let's say a month, refer to plan) I would encourage you to start thinking about women. Mid-flatline both your dick and your libido are gonna be asleep, but even a little fire wakes the bear from his slumber. Start over. Approach a girl. You're gonna fumble for words and your addiction is gonna be on your mind but once you talk to the first girl, you're gonna forget her as you talk to the second, and third, and so on. Let's remember that part of the rewiring includes real intimacy so that your brain can start rewiring the associations between sexual pleasure and living, breathing flesh. This AND a no PMO diet, after the flatline depression, makes us men more comfortable in our own skin. We're full of testosterone after a while, so we're breathing new energy and shedding old skin. When you combine your newfound belief in yourself with girls, your dick can wake up. Now I'm not saying you're gonna end your flatline like this. Flatlines take up different amount of times for everyone. But you're gonna start training your brain again. Smooch with a girl. Don't get an erection. Fuck it. Smooch with another, and as time goes on, the brain does the rest. After a month/month.5 of no PMO i'd encourage Tinder again personally. Really careful here gents, better safe than sorry. If that's gonna make you relapse, or think it will, fucking don't do it. I used it as a way to get my brain thinking about REAL sex again. I never MOed to the pictures, but the thought of sex with them after no pmo for a month was enough for me to get really hungry for it again. And next thing you know, you're back with real women and it's a great testing point to se if you're on a flatline still. Don't do Tinder if you can't do it. Seriously. Talk to real girls first and see how that goes.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just sharing what worked for me. Please don't take my advice if it won't work for you. I don't want to be responsible for anyone's demise. Together we can beat this thing.

Day 4:
Dick still dead.
Girls at work look prettier and prettier every day (the bear is waking maybe??)
Thinking a lot about my ex - and all my previous girls too. Loneliness, blessing and a curse.
Ready for the weekend.

 

[back2basics]

It's been a few days.
Although posting in the journal is something I think about every day, life gets in the way sometimes and leaves me with little time to do so.

The good news is that I have made it to 7 days!
Prior reboot attempts this month haven't made it past the week mark so from here on out, it's progress!

As a reminder, i'm doing this hard mode. No PMO for 90 days. I will reach my goal.
On top of that, I'm going on extra hard mode. Like straight-edge hard mode.
That's 90 days of no PMO plus the first 30 days of no alcohol, any type of smoking, or coffee.
Am I insane? Quite possibly.

As I mentioned in my first post, this is a time for reflection and inward thinking. I'm taking a very, very personal approach to next few months of my life because I am in dire need of it - straight up. I need to focus on myself a little bit and work on myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. While I do realize this is almost beating myself up with possible withdrawals from multiple things, I have to see it as something other than punishment. The past month or so has seen life punish me in very specific, odd ways and while there's a certain thrill in it, I have to be cautious because I don't think it's over. I think doing this personal cleanse is necessary for i don't feel at optimal health, but I have to do so in a way that is personally fulfilling and not just doing it for no reason. As a reminder to myself, I have gone through a lot of hardships this past month (especially emotionally) that I don't want to turn to alcohol or another relationship to forget the pain. Instead, I'm using this as a learning experience to reflect on what could be better, what can be worked on, and to make myself a better man, instead of looking for the easy escape I usually find.

Okay, little rant there, but important. I need it written down.
Back to no PMO. Cravings are high. At a week in, this is expected. Dreams are starting to involve other girls and several sexual scenarios. No signs of wet-dreams yet (which, btw, i'm assuming are completely allowed in this program). Penis still not getting very erect. My assumption is that after quitting for a week my body is asking for it, especially with how I've been caving in at the one week mark. I expect a drop in urges and possible flatline after this.

Other than that, so far so good. Life has kept me occupied, which really really helps with this sort of thing. The more you can distract yourself or put yourself in situations where you are not alone and in privacy, the better off you're gonna be. That way the risk of caving in is much, much less. I'm still pushing forward with the idea of strict no PMO in the first month without talking to girls (other than a few attempts at closure with past girls. Come on, I'm human too). Pushing forward. Really, really hoping this works like it has before.

Hold on, fellas. You'll get there.

b2b

 

[RedeemingAddiction21]

Good job! I'm not going to say it gets easier, but your tolerance level to resist does get higher day after day.
Just hold tight and don't freakout when you hit the flatline phase. 2 weeks in your mind will try everything in its power to try to get you to watch porn, DON'T GIVE IN!!! Then about 4-6 weeks in, the flatline phase will hit you out of nowhere, but don't use it as an excuse to watch porn again.

As far as quitting drinking coffee, smoking, and alcohol, that's really good! However, personally, I would quit one thing at a time or the ones that would do most harm like smoking and alcohol and suffice to keep one of them. Ease yourself into the pool rather than diving head first. But it's your journey, and if you feel like it's the best thing for you, then do it!

Best of luck to you!

 

[klm5000]

Thats an inspirational story! Quitting straight edge seems a logical thing, but very difficult to execute. Deep respect! Stick with it, you can do it! And so can I, hopefully .