Mikel
Active Member
Anyone ever engage in this like how they viewed internet porn? I've been reading through my journal when I initially started it back in 2014 and came accross an entry I had made about when I was engaging in phone sex a lot.
On Monday night, I was thinking about phone sex. Not engaging but when I used to. I remember at one point I was doing it almost every night until when I ran out of money. It's expensive stuff! It got to the point where I had to tell my Mum as I was borrowing money off her all the time so I decided to come clean. One of the things she said was: "Can't I use magazines or something???". Bless her, she's only trying to help and I can only imagine what it feels like to have a child drop that on their Parents. I also remember one operator I was speaking to once was telling me about her ex and that she had to split up from him as he could only get hard and aroused when he watched porn! I still have no idea why she told me this. Sometimes I would have long conversations with people even though I didn't want to. Although most of the time, it was the quick fix we all love. Even then, I got bored of some of the operators like you do with porn and you move onto something else. Other times I would just scan the introduction messages to get off. I really hated it. Phone sex is a scam of the highest order and yet I did it anyway. I felt like a right mug every time I engaged in it. It's like someone conning you out of money and you fall for the same trick by different people over and over again. Also, just like watching porn, once you're done, you feel so guilty. It's like waking up from a coma or something like that. One minute you're engaged in this fantasy and once the orgasm is gone, you're left wondering what on earth is going on as you're back to reality again.
It got to the stage last year where I ended up throwing my home phone in the bin as that was the only way I could stop. I did it a few times on my mobile since then but not to the extend before. In the past, I had even used the office phone and company mobile before. That's just mental! I blamed the mobile bill on a employee who had been fired as I used his old number.
So, another way of acting out, another way to shame. So glad I can put this behind me. Day at a time of course.
Haven't thought about this for a while until reading that. It was a stark reminder of where I was and I'm pleased I'm not there anymore. It was exactly like internet porn. The rush, the novelty and the eventual shame and regret once it was over.
Did anyone else have any other destructive sexual habits like my phone sex problem?
On Monday night, I was thinking about phone sex. Not engaging but when I used to. I remember at one point I was doing it almost every night until when I ran out of money. It's expensive stuff! It got to the point where I had to tell my Mum as I was borrowing money off her all the time so I decided to come clean. One of the things she said was: "Can't I use magazines or something???". Bless her, she's only trying to help and I can only imagine what it feels like to have a child drop that on their Parents. I also remember one operator I was speaking to once was telling me about her ex and that she had to split up from him as he could only get hard and aroused when he watched porn! I still have no idea why she told me this. Sometimes I would have long conversations with people even though I didn't want to. Although most of the time, it was the quick fix we all love. Even then, I got bored of some of the operators like you do with porn and you move onto something else. Other times I would just scan the introduction messages to get off. I really hated it. Phone sex is a scam of the highest order and yet I did it anyway. I felt like a right mug every time I engaged in it. It's like someone conning you out of money and you fall for the same trick by different people over and over again. Also, just like watching porn, once you're done, you feel so guilty. It's like waking up from a coma or something like that. One minute you're engaged in this fantasy and once the orgasm is gone, you're left wondering what on earth is going on as you're back to reality again.
It got to the stage last year where I ended up throwing my home phone in the bin as that was the only way I could stop. I did it a few times on my mobile since then but not to the extend before. In the past, I had even used the office phone and company mobile before. That's just mental! I blamed the mobile bill on a employee who had been fired as I used his old number.
So, another way of acting out, another way to shame. So glad I can put this behind me. Day at a time of course.
Haven't thought about this for a while until reading that. It was a stark reminder of where I was and I'm pleased I'm not there anymore. It was exactly like internet porn. The rush, the novelty and the eventual shame and regret once it was over.
Did anyone else have any other destructive sexual habits like my phone sex problem?
