Valentine's Day

[AnonymousAnnaXO]

Hey guys so I am really anxious about Valentine's day this year. I met my partner 6/6/15 and he asked me to be his girlfriend on 6-18/15. We've had one valentine's day together, and last year's Valentine's day was nice but also not the happiest because I was finding bits of his addiction around that time.

I feel like we have come such a long way and I feel really anxious about showing my love for him, not that I don't show my love all the time, just since I found out about the addiction I have spent less money on him because of how much money I did spend on him during the addiction. I have this feeling of does he deserve it which is so bad, I know. It's just for the first year, I spent a lot of money on him(over $1,000), whether it was gifts, or dates, and things, and he didn't spend as much on me or do thoughtful things like I did. Only recently with his recovery has he realized that he didn't do those things.

I am really nervous about Valentine's day because I have a list of things I am getting him, but I feel annoyed that I am doing nice romantic things again like I did in the beginning, money wise. I think I'm just scared he won't reciprocate and do the nice things too. I have always hated Valentine's day, even in prior relationships because it had always been a day I associated with being unwanted. So for me, to be with someone on Valentine's day and to "be wanted" is strange and unsettling, especially given that he was using last year.... I guess I feel like last year's Valentine's day was a lie, and I don't want this one to be a lie, and I want it to be real, and I just am scared.

We've talked about our expectations for Valentine's day this year, and I honestly am just scared that he isn't going to follow through on his word. I still don't always trust him to follow through on things because he doesn't always do what he says he is going to do... I guess my worry is that because we are financially tight, I am going to do all the "wooing" and "loving" behavior, and spend my savings, and then he will say, "I forgot Valentine's day was this week" or something like that.... I guess my real issue is I am scared of getting disappointed... Any advice??

 

[Gracie]

Do what you can easily afford.  Make him a homemade card.  Make his favorite meal.  Watch a movie that you both like.. If not sure, funny movies are best.  We like the movie Up.  Take a walk in a special place. 

Do not do something that will make you upset if he does not respond in a similar way.

 

[aquarius25]

I agree with Gracie. Besides its just a day. Usually the best memories are the ones that are low key and you just connect. We don't really celebrate valentines day. I'm not into hallmark telling me when to appreciate him. Also all the restaurants are packed! I don't like going out when everyone else is too. Not romantic to wait an hr for a table, lol. I would keep it low key and if you want to plan a big date do it on a non holiday weekend and you will save a ton!!! Also groupon for half of coupons at restaurants for sure! Good luck!

 

[Emerald Blue]

I'm with Gracie and Aquarius on this. You can make your own card, cook a simple but special meal. Candles are cheap and create a romantic atmosphere. Play a different kind of music, not necessarily romantic ballads, but it could be anything you choose to set a mood. Write your own poem, or leave little post-it sticky notes around with your own little love messages written on. Go for a walk (if it's not too cold or raining of course). Play a board game together, or something like that. Is there a thrift store you could go to - we call them charity shops, I think you might call them Goodwill - but you can pick up some oddities there, sometimes DVDs, CDs and things you can use as table decorations like strings of beads or little ornaments. If you're really broke there's also just going outside to look for nice stones or leaves for making your own table ornaments, and with a couple of cheap candles and a home cooked meal, a bottle of wine and some music, you've got the potential to make an occasion. Some of the best times of my life were the times when I had no money to spare. We don't need to go on a spending spree.

I get what you're saying about Valentine's Day. It can be a very unhappy day for many people who are alone or feeling unloved and unwanted. But as far as I'm concerned, if a single woman and her dog want to have a special day on 14 February then why not? At least the dog will appreciate the extra fuss, which is more than you can say about some humans, lol! It's a day that we can celebrate all kinds of love whether it's man/woman, parent/child, dog/human or maybe a few single girls having fun together. And for some people who might be alone, why not a special day just for yourself?

 

[AnonymousAnnaXO]

All of those were great ideas!Yesterday he apparently tried to call this restaurant we liked to see if they take reservations. At least I know he didn't forget, and I know he wants this book for his recovery that I think I'll get and if we don't end up going out, maybe we can cook a meal together and watch one of our favorite shows. I think I'll also write a heartfelt letter since we have been through so much these past months.

 

[Gracie]

Great ideas!  Good job!  I know this is difficult.  Our 1st V day we got whipped cream.  And lets just say  that things were rather deflated and he was notpast not giving a shit.  So keep it simple.

 

[Emerald Blue]

Whipped cream! LOL! I take it it wasn't for putting on strawberries!

Actually, if that's your thing (and his) then it's not too expensive either.

 

[Gracie]

Yeah except you want certain outcomes.