Quitting Porn - So Say We All!

[AdmiralAdama]

Hi all,

I am a 20 something year old determined to give up porn, after suffering from its destructive effects in my life. Physically, I am exhausted and continually suffer from brain fog. My skin is terrible, and I can hear the beating of my heart after a long porn binge. I've  used escorts in the past, although not for a year now. I've been on chatrooms and webcams, and now I'm done with it.

I'm fed up of seeing those on Facebook doing well, and I'm sat in my room to porn. It's sad and pathetic. My motivation is non-existent. Although giving up porn won't change all of this, I am expecting a change in mood to give me the desire to do something about my pitiful existence.

My triggers seem to be when I'm down about something. People resort to food, alcohol, drugs etc. I resort to porn, and now I have to stop. I'm considering deactivating my Facebook account for the duration of my initial target.

I like to think of myself as a Christian, although with this over my head, it's very difficult to take myself seriously. All of this guilt and shame from porn, and what I've done. I'm a big Battlestar Galactica fan, and I feel like Baltar. I have to stop now, or I never will.

I would appreciate if anyone has any experience regarding the computer filters i.e. K9 to let me know how it went.

Thank you for reading, and wish me luck!  ;D

I will update this everyday. My initial target is 60 days, and then I'll revise if I achieve it.

So say we all!

 

[Promise]

The porn is ON THE FRACKING SHIP!

Good to hear you've started your journey!  It's not easy, but it's rewarding.  Don't worry about how your friends are doing on Facebook; people have a habit of using social media to picket fence their lives, displaying the good bits and making their life seem nothing but dandy.  Comparing yourself to others in such a way, especially via Facebook is somewhat destructive and should be avoided.

Now I think I've identified a mistake in your mentality; quitting porn first then expecting your life to change after.  It should be the other way around.  Work hard on getting your life into shape, make a life plan and follow through.  You use porn usually as a coping mechanism or to fill a void in your life.  Once you quit porn, that void opens up, and you need to fill it with positivity.  This thread goes into a lot more detail on the issue: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0

I have to stop now or I never will

That's not really true, it's an ongoing thing.  We need to make changes to our lives, and eventually you'll find yourself PMOing less, until you have the determination to cut it out for good.  Long streaks PMO free are great, but what's really important is those positive steps in your life.  Check my counter, I had a slip yesterday, but I'm feeling great, because I've cut down so much, and I've made some real positive steps recently, and that's what it's important to focus on.

I use K9 and it's great.  I gave the password to a friend, so I can't bypass the filter without her permission.  It should be an arrow in your quiver though, and not a perfect solution.  It helps, but I find if you're determined to find P you still can.

And remember, no matter how bad it gets, you never gave a nuclear warhead to a lady in order to build her trust which she subsequently used to blow up civilian ships.  So there's that you got going for ya!

 

[AdmiralAdama]

Hey Promise,

Thanks for the reply. I've got a plan of action on how to occupy my time. It's more to do with feeling more energised, rather than anxious. This is a period in my life whereby I see it as a window of opportunity to stop. It's taken long enough to get to this point.

And you're right, I never gave a nuclear warhead to a Cylon!

 

[fightthefight]

Hi mate,

Congratulations on making that decision. It is a journey, but the journey is filled with decisions to make - and deciding to quit is a big one, one that many guys don't even consider.

You mentioned Facebook - my advice is quit it, at least for a short period. If you have to, log in once a week or so, but disable email/text notifications and delete an app on your phone so you aren't tempted to browse it when you have nothing to do. It is a perfect place to cause relapse after relapse - I tend to go on it when I'm bored or a bit down, then I browse for ages looking at people actually 'doing life', then I continue to feel bored and maybe a bit down, then something provocative comes up (an advert or photo), then after a series of clicks I find myself on porn... By that point, the urge is very strong... But it wasn't when I was browsing Facebook half an hour before. I use Facebook occasionally to keep up with friends (once a week or so), but I don't really miss it. I recommend you do the same. You have to be radical in identifying what leads you to porn and cut it out, if you really really want to be free.

Filters are good as a way to cut out stuff - just remember there is probably a way around them, so they are really there to remove triggers and crap, not to stop you full stop if your desire is still to watch stuff. One of the things I have installed is accountability software that emails a friend if I search for stuff. I know there is a way around it, but knowing I have to go to effort to do that is an extra barrier. I also installed an "image blocker" called Wizmage Image Blocker for Chrome. It sounds stupid but it's really helped because I now don't see any images except for on sites that I choose to (or individual pages). So software can be another helpful tool.

Ultimately though, I think it starts with your heart and where your desire is. The only way I have got this far (which only a couple of months ago would have seemed impossible) was to change how I thought about porn. I have been addicted to it since my early teens and I'm now in my mid 20s. I am a Christian too and I believe porn is wrong because it objectifies women, it is lusting after other women rather than my (future) wife, it is damaging to me and my relationship with God and stops me being the man I was made to be. Over time you can get to a place where you no longer have a strong desire for it, because you see how empty it is. When you get there, you know you are on the way to freedom. Not just hating the shame, but hating the thing itself and all the damage it does. A book you might like to read is called Captured by a Better Vision (you can get it from Amazon). I found it really helped me change how I saw porn. Once you have changed your mind about porn, your desire for it fades and at the same time you can replace the unhealthy desire for porn with healthy desires for other things (friends, hobbies, God, serving in church, learning about your interests). Porn no longer becomes the default destination - not only do you know it is forbidden to you, but you don't want it anyway, and you want other stuff instead.

I look forward to seeing your progress mate - it's an exciting journey to be on!

 

[AdmiralAdama]

DAY 1

Today was just another typical day after a masturbation session. Brain fog, anxiety, increased heart beating (which I can hear), and the occasional sexual thoughts, which I quickly dismissed. My masturbation sessions were normally 2-3 days apart, and I'd masturbate for 3-4 hours each time, and then a quick 5 minute one. I know that the next couple of days and weeks are going to be a nightmare, but I have to keep strong.

I read a novel I've been trying to finish for hours today, and then took a walk to get some fresh air. The weather is hot over here, and as I was walking, there were lots of girls in mini skirts, and I was keeping my head down. I must've looked like a right oddball! I watched one of Gary Wilson's Youtube videos as well.

I haven't decided yet whether to give Facebook a rest, but I've not logged into it today. I think I will end up giving it up for a few months and see where I'm at.

@fightthefight
Thank you for your reply mate. I really enjoyed reading it, and I've got Tim Chester's 'Captured by a Better Vision' on my list of books to read. I have reflected on your post, because like you, I was lusting after other women. I don't have a future wife, but I think it's a lack of intimacy and really opening up to someone, that has contributed to my downward spiral.

 

[daedalus]

Hey Adama!

I love the advice that Promise and Fightthefight gave.  I might also add that if you are too embarrassed to give the password to someone, then write it down on a piece of paper, tear it up into a few pieces, and hide them in places around your room/house that are difficult to get to.  I've been PMO-free for a week now, and a few days ago I made the move to keep my computer and phone in my living room.  Since I've had some other issues with depression and whatnot, I told my roommates that it was enabling that problem (especially because I'd be online all day, P or no P), and to make sure I didn't take it into my room for the next month.  I also deactivated my Facebook a few days ago for both reasons.  FB enables my depression, and my endless cycles of surfing the net.  When I'm sad, bored, or lonely, I end up turning to PMO.  I also made plans for what I would do during my first month without PMO and social media, and having those on hand has really helped me to force myself into activity while I was beginning the reboot process.

Hope that helps!  I can't wait to hear more about your progress!

-Daedalus

 

[AdmiralAdama]

DAY 2

Today was trickier, especially since my body is used to masturbating either today or the next few days. More anxiety, sexual fantasies, brain fog etc. I continued to do a lot of reading and took another walk.

I've noticed that whenever sexual tension builds up, my legs get irritable, as though they're tense and burning up (lack of a better phrase). Anyone else experienced anything similar?

Great post Daedalus by the way.

 

[Promise]

Can't says I've experienced that, but it effects everyone in different ways.  All of those negative feelings will go away if you stick at it

They come and go during the process, but it gets easier as you go along.

 

[Grounded]

Welcome. It's good that you decided to drop P and make an account here. I know that posting here has really helped keep me on track.

I've noticed that whenever sexual tension builds up, my legs get irritable, as though they're tense and burning up (lack of a better phrase). Anyone else experienced anything similar?

I tend to get pretty jittery when tension builds up, especially my legs.