E.D. When Dating A New Woman: To Tell or Not???

[getagrip]

I am a 66-year old porn addict who came out of a messy divorce about a year and a half ago. I have E.D., quite possibly porn-induced, but it could be due to other causes. Regardless, I need to do the full reboot. It's been a long, long time since I've had any contact with a real woman and I miss having a woman around if only for occasional dating. I'm a hoping that by the time I meet someone there's a chance my E.D. will be cured. But assuming I meet a woman fairly soon, I have the following question: should I be upfront about my E.D.? I mean, not necessarily on the first date,  but surveys show most new couples have sex after the third date or so. I guess I really don't have any choice but full disclosure, do I? I don't want the problem to be a surprise to her and I don't want the pressure on myself to feel like I have to perform when I'm pretty sure I can't. Most of all, I don't want her to think it's her fault, like she's not appealing or sexy. Is it reasonable to think any normal woman would have patience with me as I work through this challenge? Or better to just wait until the full 90 days are achieved?

Thanks for any thoughts or advice.

 

[Pr3c1se]

I think, always telling is your best option.  It reduces the stress.  Have you been to the doctors to check your test levels?

 

[Death Trap]

I agree with Pr3c1se, but would say that if you're not too worried about an E.D. episode, there's no reason to tell the chick. For example, I feel pretty confident that I can get an erection at the moment, despite the fact that I've had some disastrous episodes in my life, and wouldn't tell a girl I"m with about this--but that's only because I feel really confident.

 

[Reboot_Dude]

I think the best way to deal with it is to just get into the situation where you're making out or whatever, see what happens. Don't put the pressure on yourself by making a big deal of your situation, if you find things don't work, explain why and be completely honest. If things do work, then you have no need to discuss it!

 

[getagrip]

Great advice all the way around. Thanks, guys!

 

[leram]

I avoided telling the issue of my ED to many girls, and I ended up losing them. I talked about the issue with my new girlfriend, now our relationship is better. Talking about the issue with an understanding woman eases stress and pressures. That means your recovery will be faster. Even if you reboot, the anxiety alone can kill your erection. I think any guy should talk about the issue with their partners.

 

[Penitent]

1) Always be honest and open. Concealment is part of the addictive behavior cyle.
2) See a doctor and get checked for a1c levels, blood sugar levels, prostate enlargement, all the other potential health issues that can contribute to ED. Even if ED is primarily PIED, that doesn't mean there can't be any biological component to it, too.

 

[qcRebooter]

Better be honest. Don't need to go into too much details at first I guess but it takes a lot of pressure off your shoulders if she already knows it might not work. From my experiences they tend to think it's their fault, that they are not attractive enough for you. You don't want to make her feel that way if you have respect for her.

 

[getagrip]

Thanks once again, guys. Great advice all the way around. I favor the upfront disclosure that most of you are advocating. Just gotta find someone who wants to date a 66-year old guy, lol!

 

[leram]

Thanks once again, guys. Great advice all the way around. I favor the upfront disclosure that most of you are advocating. Just gotta find someone who wants to date a 66-year old guy, lol!

There will always be, don't worry about that

 

[Pr3c1se]

Thanks once again, guys. Great advice all the way around. I favor the upfront disclosure that most of you are advocating. Just gotta find someone who wants to date a 66-year old guy, lol!

Well that's an entire different issue. hahaha I'm confident there is someone out there for everyone!    Have you tried online dating?  Or singles outings?

 

[Gracie]

Just a view point of a woman here.  Don't think of or treat sex as the handshake of hello, nice to meet you.  Get to know the person and find things you enjoy doing together.  That is so important.  Then your relationship has roots.  Using porn seems to be a self medication for other issues, then the user gets concerned about the initial things, PIED, PE, DE,
ED.  The physical part is not the problem, it is what causes the addict to seek a solution.  The thing being medicated is the problem.  Make sure that is addressed.  Then seek a healthy relationship, then seek intimacy not just sex.

 

[getagrip]

Once I again, I would like to thank all of you who have provided additional input. Gracie, I definitely agree with you. Sex is not the most important thing for me. I really do want to get to know someone first, go out on multiple dates, make sure we can trust each other, and build from a foundation of friendship. I guess what I'm referring to is when "that time" comes, lol.

 

[Gracie]

When you build the relationship, you will know when and if you should tell her  Good Luck!

 

[getagrip]

Thanks, Gracie.