Here is the start of something new

StartingOffNew

StartingOffNew

Member
I suddenly feel extremely guilty for not telling her yet.  I want to tezt her but i know she's asleep now.  And i dont want to stress her at work.  I'll have to wait for tomorrow evening.  Its going to be hanging over my head until then.
 
StartingOffNew

StartingOffNew

Member
Morning of day 5.  I feel paranoid that doing anything will be a trigger.
Laying on the mattress in the room upstairs. Having second thoughts about the text.
 
StartingOffNew

StartingOffNew

Member
Not going to do the text thing, I want to tell her in person.  But I'm sick so no date for now. 

Also have a strong urge to check out porn and masturbate.  I have hardly been aroused at all these five days.  It makes me want to get myself aroused.  To do it and satisfy myself. 
 
StartingOffNew

StartingOffNew

Member
Good news: I changed my mind again and ended up doing the text thing.  She responded as well as I could have ever hoped for: totally positively.  It was amazing  ;D

Morning of day six, have a bad cough but overall I'm feeling much better.  Want to PMO but I know I won't right now. 

I kind of had a dream, I think?  Basically where I was masturbating.  I'm not sure if it was a dream or if I was actually touching myself and half asleep.  I didn't have ejaculate in my pants though, so whatever it was, I didn't finish.
 
StartingOffNew

StartingOffNew

Member
Close of day six.

It's weird, I was getting more semi erections in three days in the first part of this journal than I have been in almost a week now. 

Kind did some heavy flirting with the girl, it got sort of sexual, not sure if that's was a no no, but I feel like since she's a real girl it's ok. 
 
N

NoFapValentine

Member
The dream, where you masturbate is pretty common For NoFappers i think.
I had it aswell, a few days in, where i watched porn, I even came in the dream and thought i relapsed, but i didnt cum in real life^^ i heard from other people, that they had a similar dream
 
StartingOffNew

StartingOffNew

Member
I wonder if it counts if you watch porn in your sleep lol. 

Have an urge to look at some porn but I won't.  I think the trigger is mostly boredom.  I've been home for about four days straight now because I'm sick.  I'll go to the gym today, hopefully that will make me feel better. 
 
N

NoFapValentine

Member
I was in the same situation, i got sick at day 2 and was at home for almost 2 weeks. No Gym not going out. that was really hard, but if you beat this, you will have less problems in the future :)
 
StartingOffNew

StartingOffNew

Member
day 8. 

I have a strong hankering for it right now.  I just feel like I need it to feel like myself.  I feel off, tired, stressed, and frustrated that I still have to wait another 24 hours before I see the girl I'm dating again. 
 
StartingOffNew

StartingOffNew

Member
Middle of day 9.  Mostly just posting to keep up the count.  I feel like i actually sleep better the past few days.  Not sure if its my body recovering from being sick or if my abstinence has anything to do with it.
 
StartingOffNew

StartingOffNew

Member
Morning of day ten.  I really want to masturbate and bust a nut.  Had a really hot night last night with the girl I'm dating, making out pretty passionately.  Want more, so badly. 
 
StartingOffNew

StartingOffNew

Member
Day 11 strongest urgenive had to read erotica since i started.  I wont do it but my mind was trying to tell me that oncenwpuld be fine,  maybe even once in a whike.  I cant though. Because im not recovered yet
 
StartingOffNew

StartingOffNew

Member
day 12, had another very strong urge. 

The problem is, I actually miss it.  I miss doing the whole PMO thing.  It's something I used to look forward to after a long day.  That's what's making it tough. 
 
StartingOffNew

StartingOffNew

Member
I was literally about to relapse...until I had a connection issue and was prevented from doing so.

But I was fantasizing about erotica leading up to that.  It feels like a relapse even though it wasn't. 
 
StartingOffNew

StartingOffNew

Member
So early in the morning of day 7.  Having trouble sleeping because I'm angry at the girl I'm dating.  It's making me want to relapse too.  On the other hand, I know that I really don't want to relapse, independent of the girl thing.  Just angry and want to say something to her, but she's sleeping right now.  On the other hand, I don't want to seem like I'm nitpicking out of the blue, so I'm thinking I'm going to wait until she does the thing that annoys me again and then I'll bother her about it. 
 
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