B
boiling_bones
Guest
Foreword
Finnaly I have the courage to post my own journal here. I've known about YBOP since last year 20 may to be exact. The same day I started to write my own personal journal. Around 300.000 words later and many relapses I need to take this reboot further. I hope I will succeed and it feels sometimes like my last hope to gain a normal life again. Excuse me for my bad english, Im from a another country
but with a little help from the matrix himself.
A short story
Exactly when it all began is difficult to say. Maybe then I was 13-15 years old. Now Im 38. In those days the channel was video. I reely dont remember those days much. Around 97-98 I got my internet via modem into my 486. I think at first I was some kind of careful in that I was watching. But one day I took the plug out and since then it have been downhill. Then my dad passed away, I dampened my mind with PMO. My habit got worse and I turned to weirder stuff very fast, Under the years I have talked to some people, but no one have been willing to lend me a helping hand. I day come in 2007 and I tried to put my life to an end. That lame attempt led me to an psychologist. After some sessions it led to that the choice lies with me. And there was nothing more he could do. But last year I read about YBOP and was like a big sponge for information. I began my journey but the longest reboot I did was 18 days in 430 days.
But then you get to a point in life then its all about now or never. I want my life back, even if a real reboot feels like to jump myself into a black holes. The anxiety to leave compared to the anxiety to stay. Porn just make me feel lika an loser all the time. Strangely, I dont feel much anxiety after an PMO-session anymore. Perhaps thats make it harder to stop me from lookin on porn. I dont know. Now I just want my life back, or that in left.
Status today, first post in journal
At this point Im at the third day since last relapse. This day Im always tired and needed more sleep then usual. The brainfog gets stronger too. Cant tell if I feeling good or bad about starting a journal here. Perhaps it makes me try a little bit harder, at least I wish it. But then again, Im so tired to be a pornfreak and the clock is ticking.
Finnaly I have the courage to post my own journal here. I've known about YBOP since last year 20 may to be exact. The same day I started to write my own personal journal. Around 300.000 words later and many relapses I need to take this reboot further. I hope I will succeed and it feels sometimes like my last hope to gain a normal life again. Excuse me for my bad english, Im from a another country
but with a little help from the matrix himself.A short story
Exactly when it all began is difficult to say. Maybe then I was 13-15 years old. Now Im 38. In those days the channel was video. I reely dont remember those days much. Around 97-98 I got my internet via modem into my 486. I think at first I was some kind of careful in that I was watching. But one day I took the plug out and since then it have been downhill. Then my dad passed away, I dampened my mind with PMO. My habit got worse and I turned to weirder stuff very fast, Under the years I have talked to some people, but no one have been willing to lend me a helping hand. I day come in 2007 and I tried to put my life to an end. That lame attempt led me to an psychologist. After some sessions it led to that the choice lies with me. And there was nothing more he could do. But last year I read about YBOP and was like a big sponge for information. I began my journey but the longest reboot I did was 18 days in 430 days.
But then you get to a point in life then its all about now or never. I want my life back, even if a real reboot feels like to jump myself into a black holes. The anxiety to leave compared to the anxiety to stay. Porn just make me feel lika an loser all the time. Strangely, I dont feel much anxiety after an PMO-session anymore. Perhaps thats make it harder to stop me from lookin on porn. I dont know. Now I just want my life back, or that in left.
Status today, first post in journal
At this point Im at the third day since last relapse. This day Im always tired and needed more sleep then usual. The brainfog gets stronger too. Cant tell if I feeling good or bad about starting a journal here. Perhaps it makes me try a little bit harder, at least I wish it. But then again, Im so tired to be a pornfreak and the clock is ticking.
