Hey everybody. If there is enough interest from guys in the NY area, I am planning to start a weekly success group in NYC. We could rent a room for an hour or hour and a half in Manhattan by chipping in about $5-$10 each depending on how how many people would like to join.
My background, I have come a pretty long way I have cut porn out but still can go a bit further and would like to go through another no Porn OR Masturbation 90 days. I had gotten over this issue more or less (porn entirely) but when I tried to cut out all my fantasizing about porn ( I had cut out porn but was fantasizing a ton) the withdrawal was very intense I made a mistake and joined a 12 step group, this was an error as the whole "you are powerless over this addiction etc" gave me license to masturbate and fantasize which became an issue not to mention the group was quite a cult. The group worked for some but they had to actually believe in the program. I left that group and am now strengthening my recovery even further, looking to fully eliminate masturbation for a long while and porn fantasy entirely.
I have improvements to make but I have come quite far, I was masturbating to porn multiple times a day, couldn't get an erection with women for years never got a girlfriend had no idea what the problem was etc. It took a long time but now I think I have glanced at porn a few times in the past several years I can't remember when I last did and I masturbate here and there. I also gained sexual function and got my first ever girlfriend at age 23 followed by my second ever girlfriend after the first one moved away.
Luckily I did learn a lot from the brief experience with the 12 step group. So it is possible to throw out the bathwater (cultish stuff, not taking responsibility) keep the baby (support and a common goal) and add in a few other things that work.
I found that having a group that had a common goal and being able to call people consistently and stay connected is very very helpful in allaying the symptoms of withdrawal. Social connection certainly helped to eliminate withdrawal. The not taking responsibility and listening to people talk about using is BAD. It is contagious.
Anyway, the concept of the group is simple. Meeting weekly, exchanging numbers with a few other people to be able to call and ENCOURAGE each other. Everyone be positive and nice to each other. Than we talk about out successes and about positive things. How we beat cravings, how excited we are to get to 3 months of no pmo and how good it will feel, how much better we feel now that we have eliminated this nonsense. This is VERY key.
This is called a success group for that reason. There will be no talking about problems, excuses insecurities relapse or anything like that. Why? This stuff is contagious and talking about it does not make it better, focusing on where we want to go helps us to get there.
In the previous group the more someone talked about difficulties and problems the less successful they were. Plus I can not stress how contagious this is, if members have the same insecurity or fear and hear other members mention it, this validates the insecurity and makes it seem more legitimate. We do not want to validate insecurities, limiting beliefs or excuses. We want to let them go by focusing on positive beliefs and not listening to our own negative thoughts.
On top of that. Before I was able to cut out porn, the poison to my recovery was reading the forum and people talking about using and stuff suddenly using became a real option and normally I would use soon thereafter. I no longer read any forum posts for this reason. Sorry for the diatribe, but hopefully this makes sense why the group MUST be positive only by sharing successes and positivity with eachother since that too will be contagious. I apologize for even mentioning using in this writing.
Just to say it again, this will NOT be a support group for people who want to talk about feelings or how hard things are or using or anything like that, this is a success group to help each other facilitate successfully annihilating this addiction, if that is not for you than feel free to start a different support group. It is okay if you are not succeeding, but if that is the case you can keep it to yourself and listen to those who are succeeding, learn from it apply it to yourself and than share that same success with others. Plus I will straight up try to coach you and help you as long as you are open minded and putting in work/ not whining.
Some useful tools we can use are mindfulness, meditation, "porn is not an option mindset", visualization, relaxation recordings, and sending eachother/ calling each other with motivation and support.
Anyway sorry this is posted quite late, anyone with interest please post in this thread this week and stay tuned to the thread. If you don't know what to post just post "i want to join" or " i hate porn". I am thinking around 6-12 guys including myself would be a good size for the group. The meeting will be once a week in the evening in midtown likely on Friday or Thursday.
My background, I have come a pretty long way I have cut porn out but still can go a bit further and would like to go through another no Porn OR Masturbation 90 days. I had gotten over this issue more or less (porn entirely) but when I tried to cut out all my fantasizing about porn ( I had cut out porn but was fantasizing a ton) the withdrawal was very intense I made a mistake and joined a 12 step group, this was an error as the whole "you are powerless over this addiction etc" gave me license to masturbate and fantasize which became an issue not to mention the group was quite a cult. The group worked for some but they had to actually believe in the program. I left that group and am now strengthening my recovery even further, looking to fully eliminate masturbation for a long while and porn fantasy entirely.
I have improvements to make but I have come quite far, I was masturbating to porn multiple times a day, couldn't get an erection with women for years never got a girlfriend had no idea what the problem was etc. It took a long time but now I think I have glanced at porn a few times in the past several years I can't remember when I last did and I masturbate here and there. I also gained sexual function and got my first ever girlfriend at age 23 followed by my second ever girlfriend after the first one moved away.
Luckily I did learn a lot from the brief experience with the 12 step group. So it is possible to throw out the bathwater (cultish stuff, not taking responsibility) keep the baby (support and a common goal) and add in a few other things that work.
I found that having a group that had a common goal and being able to call people consistently and stay connected is very very helpful in allaying the symptoms of withdrawal. Social connection certainly helped to eliminate withdrawal. The not taking responsibility and listening to people talk about using is BAD. It is contagious.
Anyway, the concept of the group is simple. Meeting weekly, exchanging numbers with a few other people to be able to call and ENCOURAGE each other. Everyone be positive and nice to each other. Than we talk about out successes and about positive things. How we beat cravings, how excited we are to get to 3 months of no pmo and how good it will feel, how much better we feel now that we have eliminated this nonsense. This is VERY key.
This is called a success group for that reason. There will be no talking about problems, excuses insecurities relapse or anything like that. Why? This stuff is contagious and talking about it does not make it better, focusing on where we want to go helps us to get there.
In the previous group the more someone talked about difficulties and problems the less successful they were. Plus I can not stress how contagious this is, if members have the same insecurity or fear and hear other members mention it, this validates the insecurity and makes it seem more legitimate. We do not want to validate insecurities, limiting beliefs or excuses. We want to let them go by focusing on positive beliefs and not listening to our own negative thoughts.
On top of that. Before I was able to cut out porn, the poison to my recovery was reading the forum and people talking about using and stuff suddenly using became a real option and normally I would use soon thereafter. I no longer read any forum posts for this reason. Sorry for the diatribe, but hopefully this makes sense why the group MUST be positive only by sharing successes and positivity with eachother since that too will be contagious. I apologize for even mentioning using in this writing.
Just to say it again, this will NOT be a support group for people who want to talk about feelings or how hard things are or using or anything like that, this is a success group to help each other facilitate successfully annihilating this addiction, if that is not for you than feel free to start a different support group. It is okay if you are not succeeding, but if that is the case you can keep it to yourself and listen to those who are succeeding, learn from it apply it to yourself and than share that same success with others. Plus I will straight up try to coach you and help you as long as you are open minded and putting in work/ not whining.
Some useful tools we can use are mindfulness, meditation, "porn is not an option mindset", visualization, relaxation recordings, and sending eachother/ calling each other with motivation and support.
Anyway sorry this is posted quite late, anyone with interest please post in this thread this week and stay tuned to the thread. If you don't know what to post just post "i want to join" or " i hate porn". I am thinking around 6-12 guys including myself would be a good size for the group. The meeting will be once a week in the evening in midtown likely on Friday or Thursday.
