Chaos Mind
Active Member
Hi all,
this is the story of a man that felt so proud for making it at his first attempt. My history of rebooting the p-infected brain startet in December 2014. From this day on I declared myself free of this crap that we all feel guilty of. Forced my will and challenged my temptation - but won every fight I fought. Experienced no relapse for nearly one year. So when it first started again I told myself "I can deal with this. I will find a balance. I am more careful now". And for the last two years it seemed like I really could manage this. Sometimes it bacame too much so I just decided to cut it back a little and like this I kept on living.
I don't really know when I let it slip again. But all of a sudden I found that I did not really get hard anymore with my girlfriend for more than 2 weeks. She was ready but I wasn't. I had excuses and more excuses and she always showed sympathy for me. She is the best person that could ever happen to me. She needs the sex so much but she would accept so many times that I couldn't give her what she wanted.
Why reboot now? Because last time I could feel that she was disappointed for me letting her down again. I always need 1 - 3 days to recover from my binges. My libido gets stronger in that time, but I need to wait until "he" works properly again. Today is a good day. Sun is shining and I woke with only the best plans for today. Instead I turned on my computer. I ignored all the warning signs and the siren that went off in my brain. I was online 6 hours straight and now I feel dizzy and totally worn out. I skipped work and need to lie to my co-workers. My gf will come home from work soon and I have nothing to give to her but a blurry mind and the hell of a bad conscience.
That's not how I want to be. This is not going to get any better without me changing things. I have to deal with the fact that at the moment it controls me. But I want to control it. I know I can do it, because I already did it last time.
- I will stay away from any erotic chats
- I will not answer any mails from my online contacts that would always persuade me into coming back to them (because they themselves are addicts - fact!)
- I will not have to lie to my wonderful girlfriend anymore and I will enjoy the feeling of natural lust whenever WE feel like it and not whenever my libido feels like it
- I will participate in this community and help others to achieve their goals
- I will be honest to myself and others
Thanks.
this is the story of a man that felt so proud for making it at his first attempt. My history of rebooting the p-infected brain startet in December 2014. From this day on I declared myself free of this crap that we all feel guilty of. Forced my will and challenged my temptation - but won every fight I fought. Experienced no relapse for nearly one year. So when it first started again I told myself "I can deal with this. I will find a balance. I am more careful now". And for the last two years it seemed like I really could manage this. Sometimes it bacame too much so I just decided to cut it back a little and like this I kept on living.
I don't really know when I let it slip again. But all of a sudden I found that I did not really get hard anymore with my girlfriend for more than 2 weeks. She was ready but I wasn't. I had excuses and more excuses and she always showed sympathy for me. She is the best person that could ever happen to me. She needs the sex so much but she would accept so many times that I couldn't give her what she wanted.
Why reboot now? Because last time I could feel that she was disappointed for me letting her down again. I always need 1 - 3 days to recover from my binges. My libido gets stronger in that time, but I need to wait until "he" works properly again. Today is a good day. Sun is shining and I woke with only the best plans for today. Instead I turned on my computer. I ignored all the warning signs and the siren that went off in my brain. I was online 6 hours straight and now I feel dizzy and totally worn out. I skipped work and need to lie to my co-workers. My gf will come home from work soon and I have nothing to give to her but a blurry mind and the hell of a bad conscience.
That's not how I want to be. This is not going to get any better without me changing things. I have to deal with the fact that at the moment it controls me. But I want to control it. I know I can do it, because I already did it last time.
- I will stay away from any erotic chats
- I will not answer any mails from my online contacts that would always persuade me into coming back to them (because they themselves are addicts - fact!)
- I will not have to lie to my wonderful girlfriend anymore and I will enjoy the feeling of natural lust whenever WE feel like it and not whenever my libido feels like it
- I will participate in this community and help others to achieve their goals
- I will be honest to myself and others
Thanks.