When I moved to my own place at age 23, I got myself high-speed Internet and started PMO on a daily basis. Now, I'm 36. I found out about porn addiction and it's consequences months ago. Before I started PMO, I was very confident, sociallizable and happy. When I started PMO, I got severe depression, social anxiety, a loss of self-esteem and suicide feelings. I had no idea that porn could be the issue, so I kept using PMO as a way to relieve stress. I didn't need porn to ejaculate though. I think 60% of my MO is done in bed. I like to fantasize about girls that I know for real while masturbating.
Before I got into PMO, I was very confident, socializable, extravert and easy to get along with. Since I started PMO, I got social anxiety, a low self-esteem, depression and suicide feelings. When I was 24, I became desperate to kill myself. I was so depressed that I stopped using porn and stopped masturbatinng. At the time, I didn't know why but when I suddenly stopped PMO for months, I became outgoing, had dates and my first girlfriend ever. When I brroke up with her months later, I felt sorry for myself and did more PMO than ever before. I sometimes PMO'd 5 times a day. From that point on, I PMO'd once or twice daily.
After years without dating, I got laid and had an erectyle dysfunction. I had some more sex and got one full erection. It wasn't enough, because I did not get excited by the girl and could not ejaculate. My sex drive was completely numb and my penis sensation as well. I always used a very tight grip while masturbating. I was so concerned that I looked up a lot of information and found the thing about porn addiction and death grip.
I decided to stop porn permanently and re-train my penis with a light grip and lube. After several weeks, I could finally ejaculate using a light grip. I decided that it was time to go hard mode. Since then, I'm not using PMO, not MO'ing and avoid any artificial stimulation although it can never be fully avoided. Currently, I'm on day 70 of no PMO and day 42 of hard mode no MO. My goal is to have 90 days hard mode which is 120 days no PMO.
The first two weeks were very hard. I had a very hard time not to fap. I didn't miss porn, but I wanted to fap. Since then, my sexual urges never lowered. In these 42 days of hard mode and 70 days of no PMO, I still have an irresistable urge for sex every night. I wake up every night getting so horny that it's driving me crazy. I haven't encountered a single night that didn't keep me awake for hours with an erection. I never had a problem of getting nighttime or spontaneous erections. I also have morning wood (before, during and after my PMO era).
During nofap, I didn't get my natural confidence back. I know I used to be very confident and extravert, but 42 days of hard mode and 70 days of no PMO didn't bring it back. I know from my past that I do get it back when I encounter a serious conflict with a person. Then, I'm getting my natural confidence back 100% for about a week until I PMO again. The confidence seems to get back from nothing to 100% when I won a conflict against a person. No PMO doesn't do that so far. I did lose my social anxiety. In those PMO years, I had a constant feeling of fear in public and thought that people were watching me. It was so severe that I avoided getting in public. Since I was 23, I always wanted to stay at home. Since I do nofap, I want to get out of my house and go to places. I want to check out girls all the time. I used to be scared of eye contact with girls. Now, I'm actively flirting with girls. I notice that a lot of girls flirt back and it gives me very good feeling.
Another thing that got cured by abstinence is my penis sensitivity. By quitting a tight grip and especially by stopping masturbation, my completely numb penis has become sensitive.
I still need to abstain for about 50 days. One of my main goals is to get back my real confidence and social skills that I used to have. Even now I'm on hard mode, I'm still slightly awkward in social situations. It has improved a lot since nofap, but it's not the reset switch to my real personality that's still hiding somewhere inside my brain. I want to unleash the real me that I kept away for all these years. I don't believe that nofap will magically provide a girlfriend and make girls want to have sex with you. I just hope that I'm becoming myself again, enjoy life, socialize and get a gf by normal means. It's hard to find a gf when you passed your early 20s but I'm trying because I have nothing to lose.
Before I got into PMO, I was very confident, socializable, extravert and easy to get along with. Since I started PMO, I got social anxiety, a low self-esteem, depression and suicide feelings. When I was 24, I became desperate to kill myself. I was so depressed that I stopped using porn and stopped masturbatinng. At the time, I didn't know why but when I suddenly stopped PMO for months, I became outgoing, had dates and my first girlfriend ever. When I brroke up with her months later, I felt sorry for myself and did more PMO than ever before. I sometimes PMO'd 5 times a day. From that point on, I PMO'd once or twice daily.
After years without dating, I got laid and had an erectyle dysfunction. I had some more sex and got one full erection. It wasn't enough, because I did not get excited by the girl and could not ejaculate. My sex drive was completely numb and my penis sensation as well. I always used a very tight grip while masturbating. I was so concerned that I looked up a lot of information and found the thing about porn addiction and death grip.
I decided to stop porn permanently and re-train my penis with a light grip and lube. After several weeks, I could finally ejaculate using a light grip. I decided that it was time to go hard mode. Since then, I'm not using PMO, not MO'ing and avoid any artificial stimulation although it can never be fully avoided. Currently, I'm on day 70 of no PMO and day 42 of hard mode no MO. My goal is to have 90 days hard mode which is 120 days no PMO.
The first two weeks were very hard. I had a very hard time not to fap. I didn't miss porn, but I wanted to fap. Since then, my sexual urges never lowered. In these 42 days of hard mode and 70 days of no PMO, I still have an irresistable urge for sex every night. I wake up every night getting so horny that it's driving me crazy. I haven't encountered a single night that didn't keep me awake for hours with an erection. I never had a problem of getting nighttime or spontaneous erections. I also have morning wood (before, during and after my PMO era).
During nofap, I didn't get my natural confidence back. I know I used to be very confident and extravert, but 42 days of hard mode and 70 days of no PMO didn't bring it back. I know from my past that I do get it back when I encounter a serious conflict with a person. Then, I'm getting my natural confidence back 100% for about a week until I PMO again. The confidence seems to get back from nothing to 100% when I won a conflict against a person. No PMO doesn't do that so far. I did lose my social anxiety. In those PMO years, I had a constant feeling of fear in public and thought that people were watching me. It was so severe that I avoided getting in public. Since I was 23, I always wanted to stay at home. Since I do nofap, I want to get out of my house and go to places. I want to check out girls all the time. I used to be scared of eye contact with girls. Now, I'm actively flirting with girls. I notice that a lot of girls flirt back and it gives me very good feeling.
Another thing that got cured by abstinence is my penis sensitivity. By quitting a tight grip and especially by stopping masturbation, my completely numb penis has become sensitive.
I still need to abstain for about 50 days. One of my main goals is to get back my real confidence and social skills that I used to have. Even now I'm on hard mode, I'm still slightly awkward in social situations. It has improved a lot since nofap, but it's not the reset switch to my real personality that's still hiding somewhere inside my brain. I want to unleash the real me that I kept away for all these years. I don't believe that nofap will magically provide a girlfriend and make girls want to have sex with you. I just hope that I'm becoming myself again, enjoy life, socialize and get a gf by normal means. It's hard to find a gf when you passed your early 20s but I'm trying because I have nothing to lose.