Helpful podcast on addiction and attachment
- Thread starter AppleJack
- Start date
Hey, I see this had no comments. My husband and listened to it yesterday. This talks about the roots of addiction. It talks about how addiction manifests itself. Talks about the effects on families and partners. My husband who has been an addict to various things says it is eye opening. It is an hour long, do not let that stop you. He wants to watch again.
fapfreezone
Active Member
I thought it was an interesting listen, particularly between 11-13 minutes, where Dr Johnson explains that when you?re addicted to P, you care more about the P than your partner and therefore your partner feels rejected in the same way as if you were having an affair, but yet society says P is normal, so the addict thinks it?s no big deal.
I also think Dr Johnson sounds pretty angry at the start, possibly about how society thinks porn is normal and the woman needs to accept it. I have heard that porn acceptance was pushed by porn producers to sell more porn and I think part of the reason they didn?t mind doing this was that I don?t think the human brain deals well with large scale decisions that will be carried out by other people. For example, would you feel more emotional about listening to the story of one couple who had a problem with porn use, direct from them and in person, or about discussing and then typing up a plan for how you can increase the hits on your porn tube site from 10 billion per year to 14 billion per year within two years? But which is more harmful? The latter creates many, many times more problems, but doesn?t create the feelings of guilt and need to rectify the problem that listening to the couple does. Thus, I think that the human brain, even in highly intelligent humans, isn?t suited to being the director of a corporation and I think this explains a lot of problems in Western society.
I also think that you may have gotten fewer replies than you might have liked because there are many single PA?s on RN and they may have felt that partner type stuff didn?t really apply that much to themselves as single PAs, so they may not have been overly concerned with it.
I also think Dr Johnson sounds pretty angry at the start, possibly about how society thinks porn is normal and the woman needs to accept it. I have heard that porn acceptance was pushed by porn producers to sell more porn and I think part of the reason they didn?t mind doing this was that I don?t think the human brain deals well with large scale decisions that will be carried out by other people. For example, would you feel more emotional about listening to the story of one couple who had a problem with porn use, direct from them and in person, or about discussing and then typing up a plan for how you can increase the hits on your porn tube site from 10 billion per year to 14 billion per year within two years? But which is more harmful? The latter creates many, many times more problems, but doesn?t create the feelings of guilt and need to rectify the problem that listening to the couple does. Thus, I think that the human brain, even in highly intelligent humans, isn?t suited to being the director of a corporation and I think this explains a lot of problems in Western society.
I also think that you may have gotten fewer replies than you might have liked because there are many single PA?s on RN and they may have felt that partner type stuff didn?t really apply that much to themselves as single PAs, so they may not have been overly concerned with it.
AppleJack
Active Member
Yes but this applies to single people just as much as it does talk about the root cause. The basic human need to attach and that if you are unable or unwilling to attach to another human that you will end up attaching to something else, often something unhealthy and damaging. This is the exact same thing that drives all addictions and other behaviours that aren't that great to be doing but maybe don't fall into the addiction category. I mean later on she talks about people buying newer cars etc to feel better rather than attaching, so we all distract distract distract and feel miserable cos of not having what we need, so then we do more distracting.
I didn't get an angry vibe off her, maybe it's cos I'm the same nationality as her and incidentally was even born in the same town. That's just how a lot of British people speak, very matter of factly.
I didn't get an angry vibe off her, maybe it's cos I'm the same nationality as her and incidentally was even born in the same town. That's just how a lot of British people speak, very matter of factly.
If you listen to the podcast, it is about the human need for attachment, a sense of being with another person, a partner. Porn, gambling, drugs, alcohol do not fill that need. So if someone is single, it is important to recognize that their addiction will not help. It also talks about how things or trauma can negatively affect life choices and the importance of working through those things for the addicts happiness and mental well being.
fapfreezone
Active Member
I didn't mean to imply that the podcast is useless to single addicts, just that that was my initial impression. After I listened to it the second time, I actually thought it was more useful than I had realised, but clearly I didn't communicate this in my post.
I also agree that bonding and human attachment is important in addictions and for humans generally. I wonder what you would do about dating, though, if you were a single PA? At the start, she says that addicts can't bond and that the partner necessarily gets hurt. Therefore, it might seem reasonable to stay single to avoid hurting any women you meet. OTOH, if you need to bond in order to be healthy, it would be really helpful to have a partner to help you quit. As a compromise, it might be possible to have a partner but go no further than kissing, or to just ensure you have close friends of both genders.
Attachment theory would suggest that perpetually single PAs would have a much harder time quitting than married men or men in relationships. This is perhaps somewhat concerning, but is also potentially a relief as I now have a better road map to recovery. As a rule of thumb, it's better to know the truth even when the truth hurts, IMO.
I also agree that bonding and human attachment is important in addictions and for humans generally. I wonder what you would do about dating, though, if you were a single PA? At the start, she says that addicts can't bond and that the partner necessarily gets hurt. Therefore, it might seem reasonable to stay single to avoid hurting any women you meet. OTOH, if you need to bond in order to be healthy, it would be really helpful to have a partner to help you quit. As a compromise, it might be possible to have a partner but go no further than kissing, or to just ensure you have close friends of both genders.
Attachment theory would suggest that perpetually single PAs would have a much harder time quitting than married men or men in relationships. This is perhaps somewhat concerning, but is also potentially a relief as I now have a better road map to recovery. As a rule of thumb, it's better to know the truth even when the truth hurts, IMO.
The example they used to show bonding was the experiment with maternal attachment/bonding. I think the point was attachment/bonding with another person not exclusively for attachment/bonding. So it could be close friends or relatives that a bond is with. If you read (and I know you have) a lot of addicts express loneliness in their lives. I know my husband withdrew from all family members. To the point of telling me that our sons were like the workers at his work missing him off at work and that our sons (in high school and middle schoo)l were guests in our home. So this is what they mean by the need for attachment I believe.