Basically my story starts out when I was in about 7th grade or 6th grade can't remember. I was at my friends house at he asked did I want to watch a porno and me being 12 or 13 and curious so I was like sure. The funny thing is I remember watching it for the first time and I was disgusted. I didn't understand how anybody could watch this stuff and it just felt wrong in general. But when I got back home I masturbated for the first time and ever since then I haven't stopped. I got a ipod for Christmas around 9th grade and that's when the porn came in to play along with masturbation. Around my junior year I was about to I tried to have sex with my gf twice and it just wouldn't get up. Right then I knew it had to be something wrong. I didn't decide to look up anything about until my freshman year of college and that's when I found nofap on reddit and YBOP. Eventually that led me to this site from wathing Gabe Deems youtube videos and here I am. Lastly ill be posting on here almost daily for my journal.
My Story 20 Y.O PIED
- Thread starter Junkie_xl
- Start date
anonymous100
Member
Hey man, how are you doing today? I noticed you haven't posted yesterday. Did you manage one day without? How about a signature counter, like most of us have here (just click mine to get one).
I am sure you can do this, as everyone on this site can. We can do this, because we know what is wrong with us, because we have help from people like Gabe and from each other. Just get in the habit of fighting it, then you get out of the habit of doing it. How about you force yourself to post really, every day, to remind yourself of what you're doing.
So one of your problems with relapsing is probably that you have such easy access to P. Have you thought about getting rid of your smartphone, or at least installing filter software on every device you have? You could just get some reaallly old-school, non-internet, phone and put your SIM into it. Still works, but no possibility of getting porn on there. If you feel you need your phone, you could at least try it for a week, see if it works, and either switch back and have a head start (one week is already something, isn't it?), or keep the retro phone
I'd like to be your accountability partner. Go ahead, you can read my story here.
Stay strong!
I am sure you can do this, as everyone on this site can. We can do this, because we know what is wrong with us, because we have help from people like Gabe and from each other. Just get in the habit of fighting it, then you get out of the habit of doing it. How about you force yourself to post really, every day, to remind yourself of what you're doing.
So one of your problems with relapsing is probably that you have such easy access to P. Have you thought about getting rid of your smartphone, or at least installing filter software on every device you have? You could just get some reaallly old-school, non-internet, phone and put your SIM into it. Still works, but no possibility of getting porn on there. If you feel you need your phone, you could at least try it for a week, see if it works, and either switch back and have a head start (one week is already something, isn't it?), or keep the retro phone
I'd like to be your accountability partner. Go ahead, you can read my story here.
Stay strong!
Accomplished
Member
Stay on track.
We need to keep reminding ourselves that who we want to be and who we were are marginally different. It can be so hard.
I remember once when I was on a 2 week streak and I ended up relapsing and then going on a huge porn binge. But this taught me what exactly I will feel after 2 weeks and what to expect.
We need to keep reminding ourselves that who we want to be and who we were are marginally different. It can be so hard.
I remember once when I was on a 2 week streak and I ended up relapsing and then going on a huge porn binge. But this taught me what exactly I will feel after 2 weeks and what to expect.
I definitely will put a block on my phone today and I will make sure I post on here more often to keep reminding myself everyday where I am at and what I am trying to achieve.I honestly need to get out of bed in the morning and find something to do instead of sitting in my house for the majority of the time. I thinking about getting up and working out in the morning but I have zero motivation to do it anonymous100
Accomplished, I know exactly what you mean you can be doing so good and you fall right back into it like you didn't just put all that effort into not PMOing. At least ill be back in school soon so that will give me something to do
Accomplished, I know exactly what you mean you can be doing so good and you fall right back into it like you didn't just put all that effort into not PMOing. At least ill be back in school soon so that will give me something to do
anonymous100
Member
Definitely the right first step! Block that shit. Also, make sure you have no easy or no access at all to the password of you blocker. Generate a random one, copy it into the field, and possibly delete the file.
Yeah, man! Every day. Make it routine. And let's keep each other motivated. Cheers!
anonymous100
Member
Soo... you reset your counter. Tell us why. Think about why let yourself do it -- what were the triggers? How did you feel afterwards? Was it worth it?
Stay strong, man. You can do this. Don't be ashamed for a relapse, rather try to make the best out of it and find out why you relapsed.
How's the content filtering going?
Stay strong, man. You can do this. Don't be ashamed for a relapse, rather try to make the best out of it and find out why you relapsed.
How's the content filtering going?
Yeah I reset it...it was early this morning my fantasies kicked in but I didn't use P. I don't know I think my imagination is more of a preference sometimes maybe because i'm in more control of that. Today though since that happened though I decided to get out today and go workout and play ball and just try to be active. It's honestly not a issue until Im about to go to sleep or early in the morning. Other than that im not really thinking about it during the day. It's never worth it and I feel defeated afterwards. I still have to put that content filtering on my phone i'll do it tomorrow for real.
jnv
Well-Known Member
For many guys, relapses are inevitable in the beginning and are parts of the process. On one hand, you gain experience from them, you know what your triggers are, you apply some new strategies to fight them and to make your hypothetical next relapse harder. On the other hand, it can be tricky because if you think that way about the relative benefits that relapses bestow, your brain will start to retionalise them and you will think "oh it's okay, I'll just start again tomorrow by setting a new porn blocker" or whatever. In my situation, I learned that I had to find a kind of balance between those 2. I try to fight urges the best I can and only after I fail do I think that it's not as devastating as it looks and I start again.
Stay strong.
Stay strong.
@jnv you are totally right relapses are definitely inevitable in the beginning because its been so long since you've gone without PMOing its like muscle memory now to you're body. I finally put K9 on my phone and I'm going to get somebody to make a password to it that only they know and then tell them not to tell me. I think that'll be a big step towards it. Then i'll see where I go from there
This is my Day 2 post technically so I've installed K9 on my phone so that's a big help. Also I've been going out more hanging out with friends playing basketball and just getting out the house more. In return when I finally do get in bed im so tired I don't even fell like watching P or M. Also another thing that's motivating me this time through is just the fact this whole thing is getting old. Watching P or trying not to M or O, reading people's post about relapsing or succeeding and I mean just the whole process period is getting old. I hate the fact that at the end of the day I still have to log into here and remind myself this is where I am in my life trying to fight this everyday when it could have easily been avoided. At the same time I have nobody to blame but myself. I can't direct my anger at anybody else I should have never started this to begin with and this is exactly what I get. Other than that that's all I have for now.
thiswakingself
Member
Glad you've installed K9 on your phone. Identifying the sources and triggers is a major step in battling the urge to watch P. Also, the feeling of anger and disgust for oneself is a very common emotion most of us go through. I've been there myself on multiple occasions and ended up watching P to get rid of that feeling. But what you need to understand is that this feeling is part of the healing process. Identifying that you're addicted to something that's destroying your self-image on the inside is the first step towards fighting the problem. And yes the process gets old and fatiguing. Its called the guilt cycle. But you will eventually break free of the cycle.
Glad to see you're keeping busy and active. It's a great way to burn out all those emotions. Keep at it my friend. Hope to see you make it to Day 7.
Glad to see you're keeping busy and active. It's a great way to burn out all those emotions. Keep at it my friend. Hope to see you make it to Day 7.
thiswakingself
Member
Looks like you reset your counter again. What happened? Can you identify what the triggers were this time or whether you were emotionally upset about something that you made you want to indulge in some P ??
Keep up that strong resolve buddy.
Keep up that strong resolve buddy.
anonymous100
Member
Hey, Junkie! Sorry I haven't been around for a while, been really busy Now, you installed K9, that's great to hear. Important step done. Did it help yet? I see you did 2 days without, and that's more than ever before, I figure. I guess you can be proud of that. Keep us updated, man, even though it may suck to remind yourself of it, I am sure it also helps, getting your emotions out, and listening to others'.
Keep posting, stay strong!
Now, you installed K9, that's great to hear. Important step done. Did it help yet? I see you did 2 days without, and that's more than ever before, I figure. I guess you can be proud of that. Keep us updated, man, even though it may suck to remind yourself of it, I am sure it also helps, getting your emotions out, and listening to others'.Keep posting, stay strong!