MO or not?
- Thread starter Stevew
- Start date
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Numez
Guest
maybe you blaming porn too much, you will keep struggling for more years if you look at things this way. rebooting is lifestyle change, i just realized it too. i was exactly like you in terms of thinking that if i quit porn my life will blossom. i guess thats the exact reason why we struggle.
this is a fun read https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/what-you-must-read-to-get-the-right-mindset-to-stop-pmo-once-for-all.25499/
here is some quote from this link that is related to my post
Nikola you are correct with that quote. The problems is if i get a girl and my dick fails... i couldn't bare that.. I'd have anxiety around sex forever. Finding a girl without a dating site is almost impossible if you are not at school. At uni (I'm going there in 4 months) it should be easy enough to get a girl (maybe not the on of my dreams but a decent one)... but again girls these days have sex within days or weeks of meeting a guy... women see sexual compatibility as very important and if you can't even get an erection... I guess i will have to find a christian girl or something.
I don't miss porn but i just find it difficult not having some kind of sexual release. I enjoy masturbating to real women i know in my head in the morning just as much as watching porn to be honest.
I don't miss porn but i just find it difficult not having some kind of sexual release. I enjoy masturbating to real women i know in my head in the morning just as much as watching porn to be honest.
@Nikola
I just saw a post of yours of which linked this:
http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/threads/the-no-arousal-method-celibacy-of-body-and-mind.14525/
I really think this might be the way for me to beat this. At night i spend hours imaging myself dating girls... not having sex but making love etc (cringy as hell i know)... and when i go out i pretty much scope for breasts and ass... this is probably not only making my recovery slower but hindering it... and making me relapse. Like the guy said in that post... anything under 50 and over the legal age... I'm checking out.
Do you think me thinking of sexual stuff is making the whole thing harder or is it making it easier for me because I'm somewhat meeting my sexual needs (which is what I've been convincing myself?
I just saw a post of yours of which linked this:
http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/threads/the-no-arousal-method-celibacy-of-body-and-mind.14525/
I really think this might be the way for me to beat this. At night i spend hours imaging myself dating girls... not having sex but making love etc (cringy as hell i know)... and when i go out i pretty much scope for breasts and ass... this is probably not only making my recovery slower but hindering it... and making me relapse. Like the guy said in that post... anything under 50 and over the legal age... I'm checking out.
Do you think me thinking of sexual stuff is making the whole thing harder or is it making it easier for me because I'm somewhat meeting my sexual needs (which is what I've been convincing myself?
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Numez
Guest
it is making it harder to quit porn. for some people impossible to quit by checking tits and asses on the street every time.
MOing to fantasy is about as bad as MOing to porn. If you do MO the general advice I've seen that makes the most sense is to MO to the sensation only, no thinking about sex or women, etc. It should just be the feeling that gets you off. If you can't do that you're not fully recovered.
From what you've said, I agree with Numez in that you might not be approaching this correctly. If you are still viewing women as little more than sexual objects you are missing the point. You can meet women outside of school you just have to work out your fears and put yourself out there. You need to converse with women without any expectation of sleeping with them. In fact, I've found it easiest to approach women with a mentality that they are going to blow me off from the get go, and that it won't matter because I'm no worse off for it. It's never really happened (getting blown off) and I've had a lot of great conversations with attractive women. Most of them didn't lead anywhere, some of them have, but either way the interaction is valuable and it made me feel great after every conversation.
It sounds like you need those kinds of interactions to help your brain rewire properly and to heal your perception of women. Continuing to fantasize about women you know is not helping you in any way.
From what you've said, I agree with Numez in that you might not be approaching this correctly. If you are still viewing women as little more than sexual objects you are missing the point. You can meet women outside of school you just have to work out your fears and put yourself out there. You need to converse with women without any expectation of sleeping with them. In fact, I've found it easiest to approach women with a mentality that they are going to blow me off from the get go, and that it won't matter because I'm no worse off for it. It's never really happened (getting blown off) and I've had a lot of great conversations with attractive women. Most of them didn't lead anywhere, some of them have, but either way the interaction is valuable and it made me feel great after every conversation.
It sounds like you need those kinds of interactions to help your brain rewire properly and to heal your perception of women. Continuing to fantasize about women you know is not helping you in any way.
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Stowe2010
Guest
I stay away from MO because for me it always leads to using porn. If you don mess up and MO just be aware that your cravingsbtnuse porn will likely increase because of this. I have tried to just MO and it never works, just stay away from your dick until it works and you find a person to have sex with.
''it is making it harder to quit porn. for some people impossible to quit by checking tits and asses on the street every time.''
I'm glad i asked. Because every reboot I've filled the gap of no sexual release with checking out women way too much (probably in the same way I glanced through endless image of porn). I also kept thinking of making out with girls I've known in a somewhat sexual way as well a ton at night as i mentioned i think above.
Do i basically need to try and be Asexual for at least 3 months? One comment on that link i posted said ''Sounds like conditioning yourself to be asexual. Either end of the spectrum is not good but completely removing sexual thoughts is not realistic. Especially if your single, rebooting and are coming off porn.''
I suppose occasionally having brief moments of checking out a girl may be ok? But not obsessively looking for girls.
I'm glad i asked. Because every reboot I've filled the gap of no sexual release with checking out women way too much (probably in the same way I glanced through endless image of porn). I also kept thinking of making out with girls I've known in a somewhat sexual way as well a ton at night as i mentioned i think above.
Do i basically need to try and be Asexual for at least 3 months? One comment on that link i posted said ''Sounds like conditioning yourself to be asexual. Either end of the spectrum is not good but completely removing sexual thoughts is not realistic. Especially if your single, rebooting and are coming off porn.''
I suppose occasionally having brief moments of checking out a girl may be ok? But not obsessively looking for girls.
''I stay away from MO because for me it always leads to using porn. If you don mess up and MO just be aware that your cravingsbtnuse porn will likely increase because of this.''
And
''Continuing to fantasize about women you know is not helping you in any way''
Yep I think I've been digging myself a whole and probably subconsciously not wanting to give up that dopamine spike I'm addicted to. It's just whether i should go full out asexual or do what i said in the comment above...
And
''Continuing to fantasize about women you know is not helping you in any way''
Yep I think I've been digging myself a whole and probably subconsciously not wanting to give up that dopamine spike I'm addicted to. It's just whether i should go full out asexual or do what i said in the comment above...
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Numez
Guest
yeah it sounds like you are going to be asexual but you are just rebooting and recovering from pornification of the mind. it is not sexual to have PIED and have your real libido replaced by fantasy and porn or masturbation cravings. you are more asexual now and with no arousal method you will become more sexual again.
meeting new girls is as simple as going outside and approaching them, its just the fear in the way. you dont need to go to college or party to meet new people, you can go to the mall or park or wherever but what to say, how to approach, how to overcome anxiety and fear, what if this happens, what if that happens, you need to have or do this first, you need that, yadi yadi... overcoming those thoughts is the only problem 8) one thought can be "i have ED i cant be intimate" but so what, you can tell her and cuddle or just hang out, if she rejects you meet new ones and so on and so forth 8) LOL i know how hard it is im dealing with it ;D at least you will have something to work on until you succeed instead of just feeling stuck.
meeting new girls is as simple as going outside and approaching them, its just the fear in the way. you dont need to go to college or party to meet new people, you can go to the mall or park or wherever but what to say, how to approach, how to overcome anxiety and fear, what if this happens, what if that happens, you need to have or do this first, you need that, yadi yadi... overcoming those thoughts is the only problem 8) one thought can be "i have ED i cant be intimate" but so what, you can tell her and cuddle or just hang out, if she rejects you meet new ones and so on and so forth 8) LOL i know how hard it is im dealing with it ;D at least you will have something to work on until you succeed instead of just feeling stuck.
fapfreezone
Active Member
Stevew said:
I don't know if you already know this (you are young so I wonder if you might not), but the clitoris is more important to female sexual pleasure than the vagina and you don't stimulate it with your penis. So, you could still give a girl manual, oral or toy-based sexual encounters to satisfy her. If you are dead set on penetration, then get a strap-on! No more erection worries! I know that this isn't as much fun for you, but if you think a relationship would help, then just do that.
Also, the speed of having sex is faster in a club setting. So, if you meet her in a club, then yes, it might be a problem if you can't have sex with her that night because that's quite normal, i.e. the sex comes before the first date. However, if you join a social club at Uni that includes women (there will be loads), then you can meet a girl sober and take her on the date before you have sex. This way, things will move slower and you will have more time to tell her that you can't perform but you're great with (or very keen to use) your hands and tongue. I recommend discussing which club to join with some of your new Uni friends so that you can go there with someone because it takes the pressure off socially.
If you do the above, I think you can get a girlfriend.
I hate to sound like a twat. But i could never wear a strap-on. For me personally (I wouldn't look down on other men who do it) that would make me feel like less of a man... I'd rather abstain from sex then have it with a soft dick while i use dildos to please a girl. I know that is a stupid mentality but for now... during this time of my life i could not do that.
''join a social club at Uni that includes women''
I will do that... with the 4 months i have left if i become almost asexual in terms of avoiding porn... my erections may come back... add 1/2 month or 1 month until i may be able to get a girlfriend that is 5ish months... It may take even longer which is no bad thing!
One and a half years ago i reached 3 months and i got my erections back to 100% (touch alone). I'm not sure how these things work though it may take me longer this time... but i'd like to think i won't be one of the cases where it takes 9+ months to get morning wood or something.
''join a social club at Uni that includes women''
I will do that... with the 4 months i have left if i become almost asexual in terms of avoiding porn... my erections may come back... add 1/2 month or 1 month until i may be able to get a girlfriend that is 5ish months... It may take even longer which is no bad thing!
One and a half years ago i reached 3 months and i got my erections back to 100% (touch alone). I'm not sure how these things work though it may take me longer this time... but i'd like to think i won't be one of the cases where it takes 9+ months to get morning wood or something.