Pisces21 said:
Isn't there a thin line b/t "sexual" and "hypersexual"? How do we differentiate? I guess the more "porn-inspired" it is, it's likely hypersexual?
It is a fine line, but remember the purpose of the exercise. It is not so much about sexual v. hypersexual, it is about avoiding all triggers that release heightened dopamine. The reality of where most of us here find ourselves is this: we don't experience just average sexual thought because average sexual thoughts have become desensitized to our hypersensitivity to porn. By the time we get here many of us are desensitized to vanilla porn, and are now triggering only on things way outside our actual tastes, desires, or even orientation. The advice I give here is for
porn addicts. Porn addict responses to sexual imagery or thought is a million miles away from a non addict's thoughts. For a porn addict quitting porn, for guys in that category, all sexual thoughts are dangerous. You can never totally eliminate them, but they need to be seriously curtailed. I am not judging sexual thoughts or saying they are bad in a moral way, what I am saying is that, for the porn addict, almost all sexual thought do the opposite of what we want--they cause a dopamine release. And--and newbies need to be aware of this--when quitting porn, when you are denying yourself whatever extreme porn you were watching when you decided to quit--you will trigger on sexual imagery that is much milder, vanilla, or even not considered porn. You have to avoid Victoria Secrets and bikini pics during the rebooting process because, even though mild, the dopamine starved brain will trigger on almost anything to get a taste of dopamine, and even the slightest taste of dopamine is detrimental to the rebooter. Why? Porn addiction, aka dopamine addiction, can only be overcome by starving the addiction to death, but this is one addiction that can live endlessly on the smallest amount of sustenance. Feed the addiction even a little and it stays alive. Everything I am saying here is in the context of a porn addict quitting porn. This advice is not for porn addicts not quitting porn, and it is not for non-addicts. It is limited advice for a limited group of guys.
Remember, when Make It Stop asks about using "imagination", he is not talking about actual sex, he is talking about imagining sex in the head, as in fantasy. Fantasy is a porn substitute, it is something less than PMO that our dopamine deprived brains tell us is OK because it is not porn, but all porn really is is a means of having hypersexual thoughts, at a time when just average sexual thoughts should be avoided to lower dopamine levels.
I am just saying if one is serious about quitting porn, about getting clean of the addiction, the addiction that took years to develop, then quit playing with the concepts, quit trying to find an easier way to do it, and make a plan for a solid 90 day reboot. A solid 90 day reboot requires limiting sexual thoughts and hypersexual thoughts to lower dopamine levels. I did not say "eliminate" because that is not possible. Once you make it to the other side of addicted, if you want to play with your triggers, fine, your call, but make the point of getting unaddicted before you do.
Hope this helps.
Peace.