3 years trying - Journal starting 18th


Well-Known Member
I've been trying to quit this addiction for 3 years. I hate myself for failing, especially early on as it was so much easier! I'm not going to say ''It's time to beat this shit'' because I've told myself that way too many times. I've been on wellbutrin which did help me feel content for a bit but really its not making me feel satisfied with life... its stopping me from going crazy and taking my life or something. I may up my dose to 450mg as some have reported that improved their depression. I think what may be causing me to relapse is just not having the motivation to do anything due to not enjoying anything. I know this is a bitch move and you should try to deal with shit without tablet but honestly I'd risk dying to beat this addiction at this stage... tablets aren't likely to do that so it's worth it to me. I've already spoken to over 3 different therapists, and while they did help me improve my perspective on life and people it hasn't been enough i suppose.

I'm going to university in just over 3 months... i really need to stop this shit now. I'm on a gap year. I'm not going to list my full life story i don't want to bore people but yeah I better beat this shit now. Uni can be a very lonely place early on... i know this when i went there one year ago. I left because i realised how much i wasn't interested in my subject. I've now pursued something i am interested in! What is fucking with me is i also plan on getting gyno surgery because my chest looks crap.

I'm not going to update this every day because honestly nothing changes for me over the space for a few days with rebooting.