Hi,
I decided create this journal, cause I became a little bit lost.
My goals are:
- stop looking on sex in objectiveness way,
- start feeling sex, not setting the goals during it (she needs to be satisfied three times, she should be..),
- learn real sex,
- sensitize my body on touch ( not using hard fantasies to do it)
- try throw away pressure (don't care about what must I do, try to focus on touching/kissing/feeling/be with her)
I tell you whole story to put more light on my situation. Firstly I start watching porn for time to time, then I treat this like something which releases stress and motivates me. For example, I have to do some task, prepare to exam/ read book and masturbation was something which was the prize when I reach the goal. At the beginning, I can fantasize about girl missed on the street and this makes me come. As long as I go deeper I start watching galleries, then porn. The films needs to be harder and harder to make my dick hard. Finally, normal porn film couldn't turn me on, I need to watch some hardcore porn.
Connection in my brain between situation: me laying on bed with computer and pleasure was so strong. My dick becomes hard, when I lay with tissue on bed and computer was near to me ( environment which my brain associate with getting pleasure ), even If there was no porn turned on on the screen.
I felt that I have real problem, when I have a chance to get sex with real girl. She came to my place but my dick wasn't interested in her at all. After that I blame some alcohol which we drink before going to bed. I started rebooting, when I failed second attempt to have sex with her. I realized that source of my problem is addiction to hard pornography. From December to present I haven't seen any porn movie, I avoid situation where I can see some pictures of naked girls.
and here I tell the situation from few weeks ago which was described in one post by me
And here is the question, how u get learn of real sex? You try to touch yourself without any fantasies about girl. In which way you learn, how make yourself aroused? How you throw away pressure ? How you learn your body?
I met some girls and I can't control my dick. It become so hard randomly when I'm relaxed, not thinking that I need to be ready and I touch girls, dance closely, kiss them, but when I start thinking, that my dick should be hard/ I should be aroused, nothing works like I want to.
Few weeks ago, I go to date with one beautiful girl. I met her 2 times before. When we was sitting and kissing at the bar, I feel that my dick getting hard, like it wants to make whole at my trousers. Then we go to my place and I start to hear the voice at back of my head which say that I need to make her happy/satisfied. I not thinking about making myself aroused. I just thinking that my dick needs to be hard and I failed one more time. I make her come with my lips and hand and have sleepless night after that. I was thinking about whats wrong with me. That's why I'm asking this question, cause after learning sex from porn, sex seems to me automatic, when I go to bed I feel like I need to be perfect and this is wrong path. I should just feel and not thinking that I need to be like that, cause my body don't want to cooperate when I put a pressure on myself.
From this fragment of text comes problem of the pressure which I put on myself. After learning sex from porn, another problem, which I spotted is that I treat sex like "must do list". I must be hard, I must make her come... and when I'm not hard because of this addiction, my brain turn on panic mode. After all, I feel horrible and I'm losing hope that I will be able to reboot.
Now I feel like my dick is out of energy, maybe it's connected with the fact, that I think too much about rebooting, if this possible or not, If I would be still sick or not. The goals/updates posted on this journal would help me to be on the good track.
The goals on this week:
- cut down damaging thinking (I need to change so fast thoughts when I start: fantasize, thinking about naked girls, thining about rebooting, test if my dick became hard.)
- don't look on websites which can be harmful,
I would put next update on Sunday. Sorry for lots of grammar mistakes, cause I'm in a rush and my English isn't excellent, yet.
I decided create this journal, cause I became a little bit lost.
My goals are:
- stop looking on sex in objectiveness way,
- start feeling sex, not setting the goals during it (she needs to be satisfied three times, she should be..),
- learn real sex,
- sensitize my body on touch ( not using hard fantasies to do it)
- try throw away pressure (don't care about what must I do, try to focus on touching/kissing/feeling/be with her)
I tell you whole story to put more light on my situation. Firstly I start watching porn for time to time, then I treat this like something which releases stress and motivates me. For example, I have to do some task, prepare to exam/ read book and masturbation was something which was the prize when I reach the goal. At the beginning, I can fantasize about girl missed on the street and this makes me come. As long as I go deeper I start watching galleries, then porn. The films needs to be harder and harder to make my dick hard. Finally, normal porn film couldn't turn me on, I need to watch some hardcore porn.
Connection in my brain between situation: me laying on bed with computer and pleasure was so strong. My dick becomes hard, when I lay with tissue on bed and computer was near to me ( environment which my brain associate with getting pleasure ), even If there was no porn turned on on the screen.
I felt that I have real problem, when I have a chance to get sex with real girl. She came to my place but my dick wasn't interested in her at all. After that I blame some alcohol which we drink before going to bed. I started rebooting, when I failed second attempt to have sex with her. I realized that source of my problem is addiction to hard pornography. From December to present I haven't seen any porn movie, I avoid situation where I can see some pictures of naked girls.
and here I tell the situation from few weeks ago which was described in one post by me
And here is the question, how u get learn of real sex? You try to touch yourself without any fantasies about girl. In which way you learn, how make yourself aroused? How you throw away pressure ? How you learn your body?
I met some girls and I can't control my dick. It become so hard randomly when I'm relaxed, not thinking that I need to be ready and I touch girls, dance closely, kiss them, but when I start thinking, that my dick should be hard/ I should be aroused, nothing works like I want to.
Few weeks ago, I go to date with one beautiful girl. I met her 2 times before. When we was sitting and kissing at the bar, I feel that my dick getting hard, like it wants to make whole at my trousers. Then we go to my place and I start to hear the voice at back of my head which say that I need to make her happy/satisfied. I not thinking about making myself aroused. I just thinking that my dick needs to be hard and I failed one more time. I make her come with my lips and hand and have sleepless night after that. I was thinking about whats wrong with me. That's why I'm asking this question, cause after learning sex from porn, sex seems to me automatic, when I go to bed I feel like I need to be perfect and this is wrong path. I should just feel and not thinking that I need to be like that, cause my body don't want to cooperate when I put a pressure on myself.
From this fragment of text comes problem of the pressure which I put on myself. After learning sex from porn, another problem, which I spotted is that I treat sex like "must do list". I must be hard, I must make her come... and when I'm not hard because of this addiction, my brain turn on panic mode. After all, I feel horrible and I'm losing hope that I will be able to reboot.
Now I feel like my dick is out of energy, maybe it's connected with the fact, that I think too much about rebooting, if this possible or not, If I would be still sick or not. The goals/updates posted on this journal would help me to be on the good track.
The goals on this week:
- cut down damaging thinking (I need to change so fast thoughts when I start: fantasize, thinking about naked girls, thining about rebooting, test if my dick became hard.)
- don't look on websites which can be harmful,
I would put next update on Sunday. Sorry for lots of grammar mistakes, cause I'm in a rush and my English isn't excellent, yet.
If I would look at this situation with other side that she was addicted and she wants to cure I would make everything to help her. If she would have any problem I would try to help her solve it.