I have been doing some truly fascinating reading of the work of Dr. George Simon and all I can say is, "Wow!" The premise is helping to understand the nature of disordered people and how hard it is to have a successful relationship with a disordered person. Like many people here, the biggest issue I had with my husband wasn't his porn use, it was his long track record of lying regarding his porn use. The lying and deception started to run incredibly deep and as I looked back over the history of our thirteen year marriage, I saw that lying started well before porn. One of the biggest lies he told was his that he wasn't the 'type of guy' to use porn, even though he had a subscription to playboy in college. Looking at porn wasn't a deal breaker for me, so there wasn't a reason to lie and say he didn't use it. But, his lies weren't always about porn.
Dr. Simon deals extensively with people that have Character Disorders. Basically, there is some level of damage there that no matter how much the person wants to change, the behavior is so ingrained it is just a part of who they are. It is helping me to see that my husband was susceptible to porn addiction because he is a habitual liar. If he wasn't a habitual liar, he would not have been able to get addicted porn. He wouldn't have been sneaking it, lying about it, and lying about what he was doing with his time.
Now it is a matter of finding out if my husband is a habitual liar that is redeemable and able to change his ways, or if he really does have a Character Disorder and is a pathological liar. I know he 'wants' to stop lying. If he cannot, then he is pathological and disordered and that has very real ramifications. But, again, the reading has been absolutely fascinating and enlightening.
https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/habitual-liars-agendas/
Dr. Simon deals extensively with people that have Character Disorders. Basically, there is some level of damage there that no matter how much the person wants to change, the behavior is so ingrained it is just a part of who they are. It is helping me to see that my husband was susceptible to porn addiction because he is a habitual liar. If he wasn't a habitual liar, he would not have been able to get addicted porn. He wouldn't have been sneaking it, lying about it, and lying about what he was doing with his time.
Now it is a matter of finding out if my husband is a habitual liar that is redeemable and able to change his ways, or if he really does have a Character Disorder and is a pathological liar. I know he 'wants' to stop lying. If he cannot, then he is pathological and disordered and that has very real ramifications. But, again, the reading has been absolutely fascinating and enlightening.
https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/habitual-liars-agendas/