I give up
- Thread starter martin
- Start date
I'm sorry to hear you are in such a place of despair, Martin. Before you give up totally, may I ask you a few questions?
1) What have your reasons been for giving up in the past?
2) What is the biggest reason for you to give up now?
3) Do you have a partner?
4) Do you have a social group?
5) do you engage in hobbies outside of the home?
6) Have you ever been on anti-depressants? (studies have shown that several anti-depressants improve impulse control significantly - and this has been used to treat addictions like over-eating, drinking, gambling etc.)
7) How do you see your life going if you proclaim porn to be the "winner" over you?
8 ) What has porn cost you in your life?
9) What will porn cost you in the future?
I know that's a lot of questions, but I think you should take the time to try to answer them before throwing in the towel completely.
Regards,
M.
1) What have your reasons been for giving up in the past?
2) What is the biggest reason for you to give up now?
3) Do you have a partner?
4) Do you have a social group?
5) do you engage in hobbies outside of the home?
6) Have you ever been on anti-depressants? (studies have shown that several anti-depressants improve impulse control significantly - and this has been used to treat addictions like over-eating, drinking, gambling etc.)
7) How do you see your life going if you proclaim porn to be the "winner" over you?
8 ) What has porn cost you in your life?
9) What will porn cost you in the future?
I know that's a lot of questions, but I think you should take the time to try to answer them before throwing in the towel completely.
Regards,
M.
1. To feel better, more positive, cure ed, have a gf, less anxiety. Being able to live in the present.
2. I just feel I can't take it anymore, I can be a few days without watching porn and I feel great and then I fall back and I feel truly anxious and full of anger and just somber.
3. No
4. Yes, I have friends and family and play sports etc.
5. I play tennis
6. No
7. I feel I might have some serious health issues because of the stress it causes. But I have tried every single thing I can think of. I have looked on youtube and google for every single way of quitting ( including cutting of all internet ) and none of it worked. The longest I have gone without pmo was 33 days. This was 6 months ago.
8. This is a difficult question to answer because I have other issues, and I can't be sure if it's porn that causes certain negative things in my life or it's because of something else. But I think it causes my social anxiety and it makes me want to stay at home a lot. I am not able to work because of my anxiety. I sometimes feel hatred towards women.
9. It will probably stop me from developing and knowing what I want to with my life and make me more passive. I don't think I can have a relationship and kids when I have this addiction.
---
But it feels pointless to keep trying because I keep failing and I don't have a new way of approaching this addiction and overcoming it. No offense, but all advice seems to be the same thing: get a porn blocker, stay positive, have willpower, keep a journal, talk to someone, play sports, cut off the internet etc. None of this has worked for me.
2. I just feel I can't take it anymore, I can be a few days without watching porn and I feel great and then I fall back and I feel truly anxious and full of anger and just somber.
3. No
4. Yes, I have friends and family and play sports etc.
5. I play tennis
6. No
7. I feel I might have some serious health issues because of the stress it causes. But I have tried every single thing I can think of. I have looked on youtube and google for every single way of quitting ( including cutting of all internet ) and none of it worked. The longest I have gone without pmo was 33 days. This was 6 months ago.
8. This is a difficult question to answer because I have other issues, and I can't be sure if it's porn that causes certain negative things in my life or it's because of something else. But I think it causes my social anxiety and it makes me want to stay at home a lot. I am not able to work because of my anxiety. I sometimes feel hatred towards women.
9. It will probably stop me from developing and knowing what I want to with my life and make me more passive. I don't think I can have a relationship and kids when I have this addiction.
---
But it feels pointless to keep trying because I keep failing and I don't have a new way of approaching this addiction and overcoming it. No offense, but all advice seems to be the same thing: get a porn blocker, stay positive, have willpower, keep a journal, talk to someone, play sports, cut off the internet etc. None of this has worked for me.
KittyHawk
Active Member
Hello Martin,
I am trying to quit almost 2 years now. I am far from being completely healed myself. But I believe I might be able to give you a little advice.
You say that cutting off internet didn't help. How is that possible? Did you masturbate to old media (TV, press, etc)? I work online from home...man, what I would give for the ability to just live offline.
From what you write I understand you don't have a real-life sexual partner. So if you try to stop PMO completely, that includes getting rid of M (masturbation), you are basically trying to live in a celibacy. That is an extremely difficult task! And for some maybe even impossible.
I know it might sound like a blasphemy to some rebooters here but what about trying to quit only porn and allow yourself short MO once a week or every few days? If it doesn't trigger porn use, it is nothing to be ashamed of. Especially since you don't have a GF/wife.
Just don't be to har on yourself. I wish you all the best. Believe me when I say I know what you are going through.
I am trying to quit almost 2 years now. I am far from being completely healed myself. But I believe I might be able to give you a little advice.
You say that cutting off internet didn't help. How is that possible? Did you masturbate to old media (TV, press, etc)? I work online from home...man, what I would give for the ability to just live offline.
From what you write I understand you don't have a real-life sexual partner. So if you try to stop PMO completely, that includes getting rid of M (masturbation), you are basically trying to live in a celibacy. That is an extremely difficult task! And for some maybe even impossible.
I know it might sound like a blasphemy to some rebooters here but what about trying to quit only porn and allow yourself short MO once a week or every few days? If it doesn't trigger porn use, it is nothing to be ashamed of. Especially since you don't have a GF/wife.
Just don't be to har on yourself. I wish you all the best. Believe me when I say I know what you are going through.
Martin, it seems that number 6 on my list of questions is the only avenue that you haven't explored. I think you should consider looking into it. You probably do have some level of depression - and if the medication associated with that could have the side effect of dramatically decreasing this impulsive behaviour, it may be worth it for you. At least as a temporary measure to get you to a point of controlling your addiction. Maybe you should discuss this with a doctor. This isn't just a stab in the dark either - I know many people who noted this effect while taking anti-depressants. If you decide not to do that, it may indicate that your adherence to other values is higher than your desire to quit porn - which in turn is something to think about. When you say you've heard it all, that's not quite true, is it? Have a think about whether you are still giving yourself a way to hold on to porn without exploring every last option.
KinkySpider
Member
Dieters often start to think that if they slip and have a really unhealthy meal that they've totally failed so why bother trying and then fall back in to their old habits of eating unhealthy all the time.
Try not to look at it that way. If you went 33 days without any and then PMO that's great, it's not like you're back at ground zero, ya pick up from there and keep going. You're still making progress.
Try not to look at it that way. If you went 33 days without any and then PMO that's great, it's not like you're back at ground zero, ya pick up from there and keep going. You're still making progress.
Malando: Medication is something that I am scared to take simply because so many people in our society are taking it and it's a billion dollar industry. And it is in itself addictive + possible side effect like suicidal tendencies.
KinkySpider: I realise I don't start at ground zero when I fall back but the thing is, there is something about watching porn that makes me depressed, therefore I always feel terrible for about 24/48 hours after I watch it. And that makes things very difficult.
KinkySpider: I realise I don't start at ground zero when I fall back but the thing is, there is something about watching porn that makes me depressed, therefore I always feel terrible for about 24/48 hours after I watch it. And that makes things very difficult.
KittyHawk
Active Member
Martin, I don't blame you at all for not being able to quit for 5 years. It is sooo hard to win this battle.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and my whole body is like on autopilot - only searching for ways to trick me into PMO.
Other day, I feel no urge at all and I feel like I am winning and "boom". Few hours later I am after PMO binge.
But being able to last 33 days tells me that you have it in you. The willpower and motivation. But you probably use the porn as a release valve for something. Are you a very anxious personality? I am that way (and porn probably made it worse in the long-term). I was unable to speak to a girl in my mid-twenties. Suffering of some kind of social phobia. Think about it and other possible connections. If your life sucks and PMO is the only way to feel happy for a moment, it is almost impossible to get rid of it.
I suggest you try to change more aspects of your life than just PMO. For example release stress all the other ways (workout, funny movies, hobbies, helping others).
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and my whole body is like on autopilot - only searching for ways to trick me into PMO.
Other day, I feel no urge at all and I feel like I am winning and "boom". Few hours later I am after PMO binge.
But being able to last 33 days tells me that you have it in you. The willpower and motivation. But you probably use the porn as a release valve for something. Are you a very anxious personality? I am that way (and porn probably made it worse in the long-term). I was unable to speak to a girl in my mid-twenties. Suffering of some kind of social phobia. Think about it and other possible connections. If your life sucks and PMO is the only way to feel happy for a moment, it is almost impossible to get rid of it.
I suggest you try to change more aspects of your life than just PMO. For example release stress all the other ways (workout, funny movies, hobbies, helping others).
martin said:
In the end it comes down to how desperate you are though. Are you saying that your feelings on big pharmaceutical companies take precedence over taking the time to investigate it for yourself? So what if it's a billion dollar industry? What it comes down to is how desperate you are and whether the rewards outweigh the risks. You can point to reports of a small percentage of people who experienced suicidal ideation while on anti-depressants - but that is tiny compared to the people who have not committed suicide due to taking them. There is no credible evidence that antidepressants are addictive. They are phased out gently and people don't come out addicted. They may notice they start to feel worse after they discontinue treatment, but that is usually because they came off them too rapidly or they still need to be on them. The only way you can expect to come off them and feel decent is by rectifying the problems in your life that led to taking them in the first place. Of course, there are problems in the medical world of irresponsible and excessive prescription of such medications - but that just means that people should go to a doctor they trust and exhaust all other options before turning to medication. If done responsibly, they are not dangerous.
I can't help but think that if you are nursing such worries and fears about hurting yourself with anti-depressants, maybe you haven't quite reached the end of your rope yet regarding porn use. Maybe part of you is not ready to let go. If you don't want to take medication, you should at least be exploring these issues with a good therapist. You've tried to do it alone - time to get some help of some sort.
AscendingFire
Member
Martin. Do not give up. Indeed six years it's a lot trying to quit something. I myself am, for around a year (maybe more), fighting this. I've slipped here and there but I have learned some things. I am far from what I want to be with this and being where I want to be... but hey! You walk a path by walking on it. Do not try to find meaning in every little thing that crosses your path but be vigilant on signs of yourself and others along the way... be aware. Try to see your life in a wider perspective. I don't know you but really, I can't believe it's really the same that it was 6 years ago... from the moment you realized you had something to do about this it was a step. It transforms the way you view yourself. That is probably the very first rupture when you just get sick of something (in this case, a "lifestyle" - if we can even call it that). Ruptures take years. Sometimes it can take years to a man to say "I want this out. Enough is enough." but then there's the path after that realization... it takes more years. Think of something who's doing sports. No one gets better all of the sudden and potential ain't nothing if you can't work from that canvas (potential).
I am trying to advise but I can't imagine what you feel... those 6 years. I have felt disgust and hate towards myself and my path on this (in a conscious way) it's probably not even one year old... I believe most of us who are enduring and trying to overcome this have been given several tasks in life (like most people in fact) and this is one of them. One could post memes or clips of movies and so on for not giving up. Very important here is that I started for a reason and everyone on us got here for a reason too. I've stumbled on this forum and this sort of community for a reason. To me, there's really that common ground between us all here... we haven't stumbled here for fashion or because we saw it on an outdoor advertisement. Most likely everyone on here stumbled on this because was desperate or angered towards a pattern of behaviour that turned out being harmful to oneself. This isn't something one stumbles accidentaly. This is something one finds because one searches for it.
I hope all the best and that you don't quit. Be strong and disciplined but don't be super harsh on you, Martin!
I am trying to advise but I can't imagine what you feel... those 6 years. I have felt disgust and hate towards myself and my path on this (in a conscious way) it's probably not even one year old... I believe most of us who are enduring and trying to overcome this have been given several tasks in life (like most people in fact) and this is one of them. One could post memes or clips of movies and so on for not giving up. Very important here is that I started for a reason and everyone on us got here for a reason too. I've stumbled on this forum and this sort of community for a reason. To me, there's really that common ground between us all here... we haven't stumbled here for fashion or because we saw it on an outdoor advertisement. Most likely everyone on here stumbled on this because was desperate or angered towards a pattern of behaviour that turned out being harmful to oneself. This isn't something one stumbles accidentaly. This is something one finds because one searches for it.
I hope all the best and that you don't quit. Be strong and disciplined but don't be super harsh on you, Martin!
Totem
Member
@malando - don't get me wrong, but antidepressants as far as I know, should be prescribed mostly in cases when you have no particular reason to be depressed yet you are. Situation when someone have poor sex life, anxiety, addiction and is depressed by it - is probably more complicated and should be treated as such. If the problem is deeper and antidepressants would work properly you risk to become addicted to them, because in every case when you put them aside original problem reappear again.
@martin - your problem could be far more complicated than addiction itself and could reside probably in your psyche. I know it may sound harsh, but did you ever considered individual psychotherapy?
@martin - your problem could be far more complicated than addiction itself and could reside probably in your psyche. I know it may sound harsh, but did you ever considered individual psychotherapy?
AscendingFire: thank you for your kind words, And yes it's not the same when I started to quit 6 years ago. I have made progress. And pmo probably 1/4 of what it was. I just have real difficulty dealing with relapses to the point of where I just can't take it anymore and that puts a lot of pressure on every attempt to quit.
Totem: I have had several years of therapy, but I have real problems truly opening up to a therapist.
I have been diagnosed with an avoidant personality disorder.
Totem: I have had several years of therapy, but I have real problems truly opening up to a therapist.
I have been diagnosed with an avoidant personality disorder.
alialiaf.af
Member
malando said:
Hello. I enjoyed the questioned you asked our friends.
I'm in a desperate situation too. but I have a program including workouts and other trainings that keeps me lively.
thank you.