Why Men Objectify Women

[AnonymousAnnaXO]

So I found this article ages ago, possibly prior to D-day, but I was going through old books marks about found this article and I was thinking that this was a very enlightening article.
https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/why-men-objectify-women/
I found that addicts could possibly relate to some degree with some of the things mentioned (hopefully the more mature answers). There are some things in this article I personally disagree with, and I know everyone has their individual opinions, but there are some good little nuggets of "ah-ha" moments. I know personally, my partner is reason number 3, pain avoidance.

So I guess something that I think addicts should think about if they haven't already, is "So when I check out women, what is really going on with me?"

I feel as though some addicts truly work recovery and others might still struggle because they haven't truly dug deep. Some addicts can quit porn and never go back while others relapse every couple months, weeks, or days. So my question to addicts, is maybe you can share what has truly worked for you to stay clean? Is it accountability? Making sure that you are busy? Having emotional support? Engaging in old hobbies? Connecting(or reconnecting) with a spouse/partner/SO? Therapy? etc.

I guess having a year go by, and seeing the progress my partner has made, made me think of all the addicts on here who still struggle immensely with either temptation, urges, or actually are still in the addiction cycle. I know that a lot of addicts get preoccupied with the physical recovery, but that is only part of recovery, and I think emotional recovery is why some addicts can quit and be clean versus other addicts who still struggle. Anyways, this post is just meant to get the brain thinking!

 

[aquarius25]

great post! My hubby and I were discussing something similar to this last night. We were talking about the opinion I see mentioned on here that some of the addicts seem to have... that they want a partner to help them reboot. That if they can find a girlfriend then it would go faster/easier for them.  My husband said something I thought was very astute. He said that they are seeking a partner for the wrong reason. He thinks, and I agree, that one reason why a lot of men in relationships (or at least that he and I have noticed, this is not an across the board statement) don't relapse as much is that they see the hurt in their partner. Hurt that they have to own and take responsibility for. It isn't because they have a partner that they can have sex with. It's because they have a deeper accountability. If they relapse it doesn't just hurt and effect themselves, it impacts the loved ones around them. Realizing that makes the stakes much higher. So when an urge arises it is less tempting to throw away progress because of how much is on the line. For my husband, almost a year clean, I would say as far as I can tell, the thing that has kept him from relapse is really understanding his actions and how they impact the world around him.

 

[AnonymousAnnaXO]

Aquarius that is so true! I love that perspective. I've seen so many addicts talk about if they had someone it would be easier, and it does seem for the wrong reasons. I have seen a trend on here and nofap of partners in relationships having a higher chance of success and I do think it comes from the fact that they essentially destroyed a beautiful relationship and they see the pain in their partner on a daily basis.

 

[Big H]

For me it was getting to bed on time, eating healthy, exercising, studying porn addiction and helping others overcome addiction on this forum. No one in my family or friends know I had an addiction. I don't have a girlfriend or a partner. I think knowing the science of what porn does to your brain is motivation enough to quit.