208 days of sobriety but more depressed than ever

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DonaNobisPacem

Member
208 days since I last viewed P or MB and around 2 weeks since I last binged on junk food (my other addiction) - why do I feel more dead inside than ever?
Has a life of intense stimulation made me unable to be satisfied with the normal things in life?
I don't want to discourage anyone embarking on this journey, but be aware that the void in your soul can become so much more tangible when you take away those crutches. This is especially true for those who, like me, already had major issues (personality disorders) before the addiction.
Would I encourage people with personality disorders to give up P? Yes in the moral sense because I more or less believe in God. If I didn't believe, I would say  that sobriety could be inviting more trouble into your life.
 
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Big H

Active Member
I occasionally feel depressed. I feel like I'm going to stay in this same rut forever despite being able to make changes in my life in regards to withdrawing from PMO for 6 months and becoming a lot more healthier with weight loss. Also despite actually doing odd jobs that may or may not get me towards having a full time career job.

I think it comes down to my hope getting crushed so many times. I feel like I'm doing the right thing then all of a sudden it doesn't turn out well. I find it hard to care because there's a chance my choices could backfire and put me towards more misery. I guess you have to ignore those past experiences and have hope it'll bring you happiness whether it will or not. At least you have done something or made progress even if it backfires.
 
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Numez

Guest
i was addicted to sugar and felt like shit when quitting. your junk food addiction combined with porn addiction withdrawal symptoms may be the reason for feeling like shit.

when you stop the addiction you will feel worse than ever for a while due to withdrawal symptoms that are almost always psychological because addiction is in the brain.
 
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Samarkand Searcher

Member
Hey DonaNobisPacem
DonaNobisPacem said:
If I didn't believe, I would say  that sobriety could be inviting more trouble into your life.
Click to expand...

I am going to talk straight but please. please understand that this comes from a place of compassion. I think that no addict is better off with the addiction in their life than without it. Addiction lies to us. It makes us feel like we would be better off with it in our life. It's like a parasite. And for a short term buzz we might feel better but in the long term we know that it isn't true.

The addiction is a big thing and once it is out of us, it leaves a gap - a void as you said. We need to try and fill that void with something that we choose otherwise it can end up being filled by something else we don't want there. Something else negative.

I know that I have wasted years with this addiction and that when I don't indulge I have more time for the things in my life that I can only play at when I am using porn and online chat. My business, physical training, friendships and relationship with my wife grow to fill that space. I am very lucky to have these things

What do you want to do with the time you have in the gap it's left? I would put money on the fact that you feel much better about yourself after doing something that you find fulfilling and that you enjoy than you do 5 mins after PMO.

If you're 'clean' then you're free of the addiction and can choose what you do. Otherwise the addiction is choosing for you.

I have found that a lot of what this guy says helps me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLV_qQma7jo

200+ days and 3 weeks without junk food is fantastic - I hope that you get a real boost from this. We often put ourselves down without realising it. We have to recognise the wins!


 
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DonaNobisPacem

Member
Thank you for your feedback guys :)
I guess I'm feeling hard done by that giving up P hasn't turned me into Mr Sunny Disposition! Why is all the dysfunction still there?!

Samarkand - I have no idea what to fill the void with. I hate my job and I'm in no position to change career. In terms of my wife - there are also issues there which have not disappeared.

What I now understand is why I became an addict - my various dysfunctions and difficulties in dealing with life in general. Giving up P shines a light on the dysfunction and the feelings of helplessness. P was my escape from these feelings.
 
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Numez

Guest
yeah addiction can be escape but never a solution so its never a better option.

you better have no friends than fake ones, it is like this with addiction. addiction is like a fake friend that prevents you from seeing what friendship really is, its just deeper than that.
 
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gtl923

Active Member
Congrats on 200+ days PMO free. That's no small feat. Remember, however, that porn addiction is really a dopamine addiction as is food addiction. So if you've been feeding your food addiction you haven't been properly rebooting. You are really only 2 weeks in as far as brain changes go.

I'm not saying this to bring you down and I hope you don't take it that way. Hopefully you take it as reassurance that with ample time away from any and all addiction you will begin to feel the positive effects.

If you could leave your job what would you do instead? What's holding you back? If for whatever reason you can't leave (I imagine supporting a family, anything else I can think of is an excuse) then focus on improving your life outside of work. Build your relationships with your family, find something you can build or create that you enjoy. I quit my job to start a landscaping service and to work at a local farm because I love being outside and doing physical labor. I also taught myself how to cook because I love food. Find what speaks to you and go get it.
 
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Stevew

Well-Known Member
Do your erections work though? Like do you get morning wood etc? Erection to touch? Working erection when having sex?
 
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DonaNobisPacem

Member
SteveW - the erection side of things is fine, no issues. That was never really an issue even before I quit P.

Gtl923 - I've been working in a call centre (mental torture) for 7 years - my CV makes me ideal for..... yep... OTHER call centres. Got myself in a bit of a vicious circle unfortunately!
 
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Samarkand Searcher

Member
Hi

Can you make a list of 'transferable' skills - working under pressure, talking well, dealing with angry customers are all useful in other parts of businesses. Aim at being a manager there then move to manage something else? I was in a similar situation once and just didn't realise that if I tailored my CV a bit with the skills stuff that I could escape.

What do you really love doing in your spare time?
 
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