Book suggestions wanted

[chickaboomski]

Ok, So I and my partner have read the brain that changes itself. I have the Love you hate the porn book , my partner has not read it yet I am after books that are basic for him to understand the process, understand what is happening to him, he has downloaded ever accountable and for the first time I am seeing true withdrawals, he has had these streaks before and by no means is 9 days the longest he has been without porn, but I can see now he has no sneak proof way of getting his fix the moodiness, brain fog all is happening. He doesn't want to research stuff on the net willingly, and he doesn't want to lose me either, and he just wants to stop. No talking. No researching. And we all know that is not sustainable. So I am looking for books so that he can if he chooses too, try to understand what he is going through is part of the process. If I dare comment he bites my head off, I am a know it all, have researched too much and am jut trying to make a link when there isn't one. On day 5 he said after rejecting my sexual advances, and I making the comment that that is normal, he said who told me that? A sexologist? How is can I expect him to be attracted to me when I was neurotic as fuck. So. After hurting but knowing what is going on, I need suggestions for books to have not to force him to read. But for when he is ready, they are there.

 

[Loleekins]

In the shadows of the net - Patrick Carnes
Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame - George Collins

 

[metal22]

I've been reading 'Love Life for the Married Couple by Dr. Ed Wheat' and have been learning a great deal.  Its not about P addiction or any addiction for that matter but about marriage and how to have an amazing marriage.
But at this point of his recovery I'd be thinking he's not there yet.  If he was willing to start attending a 12 step program like maybe a local AA/SA group that might be a great step forward for him.  He has to start deciding his recovery for himself.

 

[chickaboomski]

Sadly where we live there is nothing like that available. AA maybe, I am not sure would have to look into it, our town has only a population of 5000 people so I think it is a matter of theropy which I have asked him to do, not for this addiction, but for his walls of defence that lock me out intimately and emotionally. Now I know it is all wrapped up intertwining with this, but thought that may be one way for him to get his foot in the door. Thanks for the book suggestions. Metal22 I will get that one regardless. It sounds like anything can help right now.

 

[Emerald Blue]

Sex Addiction: The Partner's Perspective by Paula Hall. In this book poen addiction is considered a subset of sex addiction, although only a minority of porn addicts are also sex addicts. The issues are fundamentally the same?trust, betrayal, deception, secrecy, etc. The focus of this book is on the partner's recovery. I found this book the most helpful because it is secular (as opposed to the 12-steps belief in a higher power) and tends towards the trauma model of recovery rather than the co-dependency model.

Understanding and Treating Sex Addiction, also by Paula Hall, specifically addresses addicts. If you are a partner in the first 12 months of recovery I suggest you don't look at this book yet. It's for and about full blown sex addiction, and not just porn addiction, and you need to be in a more advanced stage of recovery to deal with just reading about these issues even when they don't apply in your case.

 

[chickaboomski]

I am far more advanced in my recovery than he is his. I have been actively recovering from rock bottom up almost 2 and a half years, 3 years since I figured it all out, 2 and 1/2 since I approached him. I am at the stage where I drew a line in the sand about 18 months ago of how much I was willing to put into this ride before I pulled the pin on it. Unfortunately, for him, he was so far in denial that he thought there were ways to keep the ride going without fixing the engine, thinking it would just last with tweaks here and there. So when I kicked him out 2 weeks ago, getting the accountability app was not an option and just the beginning of our journey for once in the right direction. I think that book would scare the hell out of him more so than me.