Over 90 days down, Life to go

[gtl923]

So I'm at day 95ish (I haven't been keeping track that closely) and things are going pretty good. Since I came to recognize my addiction two and a half years ago I've been slowly and painfully building better habits to improve my life and occupy my time and my mind. It seems to finally be paying off now in that I have been PMO free for this long and it hasn't been nearly as much of a challenge as it was when I first tried to quit. I'm so focused on everything else I have going on I don't even think about PMO very often anymore. Cravings do hit and that's a challenge but it's not the unrelenting buzz in the head it used to be.

I do realize something that is difficult for me however, and that's how to express myself sexually with women in a healthy way. I never learned how to do so. Growing up I always thought based on media that women didn't really want or enjoy sex and it made me feel bad to pursue women. Top that with a Southern sex education (abstinence only, sex is bad unless your married, condoms fail all the time, have sex you're going to get an std or pregnant BS) and then PMO daily from the time I hit puberty around 13/14 to when I first made a serious attempt at quitting at 22 and I have no idea how to engage with women sexually. I have had sex but I don't know how to show sexual interest in women in a healthy manner. I'm really good at conversing but then it comes across like I'm only interested in being their friend and I don't know how to go the next step to show interest in more.

Regardless, I'm still doing good on my journey. I started my own business, I work part time at a farm that I love, I've taught myself how to cook and have gotten better and better at it, I've fixed a lot of my sleep problems, and overall I feel a hell of a lot better about life. Soon I will be posting in the success section, but only after I've figured out my problem with self expression and find a woman to share intimacy with. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Stay strong!

 

[charles1989]

Hey there
Congratulations on 90+ days sir. You are farther along in this than me. I'm still struggling to get more than 2 weeks down without faltering...
I do have some advice on the showing women sexual interest front. The same thing happened to me a few years ago. I had freshly ended a 7 year relationship and was thrust into the dating world with very little experience trying to date girls. I read a book called "Mate" and it helped me so much with getting me head straight with girls. It's not your usual pick-up artist bull. It really walks you through some practical steps to getting more confidence. It's not guy's fault that we aren't taught how the whole mating game works. It used to be that society would help young guys along with mating rituals and stuff, but now we are expected to walk into bars or clubs and make something happen.
It worked for me back then, before I had these PMO issues, and reading your post I figured I'd share my experience.

 

[getagrip]

Along the lines of what charles1989 said, there is wealth of information out there on how to approach women. Even at age 66, I am still learning myself. Avoid the PUA books. In my opinion they only teach manipulation and downright misogyny. And they make it seem that if you are not an Alpha Male, or can't fake the image, you will never find a woman. I'm reading a book right now that I like, "The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give it to Them" by W. Anton. Good nuts-and-bolts advice.

Best of luck! Educate yourself. How to date is a learned skill. We all have to start somewhere.

 

[Maximus76]

Big congrats man!

 

[gtl923]

Thanks all! I will definitely check out those recommendations. PUA is pretty repulsive for the most part and that's part of the trouble I've had trying to look up information on dating and relationships, there's so much of that stuff flooding the internet it's hard to find good info on developing genuine relationships. Looking forward to reading these!

 

[Maximus76]

PUA can be pretty repulsive, I agree. But there are some sites out there that offers genuine and really good advice. I would stay away from those who promises TOO much and those who treat women as objects though.