Delayed ejaculation and reboot.

[jnv]

Hi there. I decided to start this topic because 99% of the topics I see in the section concern ED.
One of the 2 reasons why I started my first reboot after stumbling upon YBOP 3 months ago is delayed ejaculation. In my case (29yo, PMO'd since I was 13yo), I would even say really heavy delayed ejaculation because I never (yes never) managed to get an orgasm via vaginal penetration or during a blow job.
My first sexual experience was in my early twenties where I encountered ED but it was mainly due to first time stress because it got cured after 3 attempts in 2-3 weeks if memory serves me right. My actual problem occured right after this period when I could maintain a 100% hard erection but the sensations were always very poor and I just thought that I simply was less sensitive than other guys. (I must add that I always used a condom so it only partly explains the lower sensations) I tried everything with my next partners to try and achieve orgasm without manual stimulation.
To show you the extend of the problem, at some point I maintained a hard erection for 3h straight trying to fully enjoy the moment but although I fell pleasure during the penetration, it was never near as good as when I masturbate and I never felt what we feel before we climax so I can safely say that at best, during my last sexual experience some months ago, on a scale from 0 to 100 in term of pleasure, I'm at 20-30% at best (and I had to think about hardcore porn scenes so the pleasure rises) which frustrates me. (and many of my previous partners as well)

So, even though my counter only reads 13 days, I started my frist reboot 3 months ago mainly to regain sensitisation down there. I decided to first partake in the 90 days challenge in hard mode (I voluntarily do not intend to have sex before I beat this challenge) In the last 3 months, I maybe PMO'd 4-5 max (and not with deathgrip, I tried other techniques) and from what I can feel from touching, it seems that I regained some sensitisation even though it's hardly noticeable yet. I initially planned the 90 days challenge as my main goal even though I know I'm going to need much longer than that to fully recover from years and years of bad habits.

Is there anybody who has/had a similar problem and started noPMO with the same goal? Can I expect to ever naturally achieve orgasm during intercourse by rewiring and going hard mode? By going hard mode for such a long time without any stimulation, am I taking the risk to switch my problem and gain PE instead of DE?

I know everybody is different but I'm a bit lost regarding my problem because after 15 years of heavy PMO with deathgrip, I thought that I would have ended up with ED just like majority of people on the forum but I end up with the complete opposite problem. At first, girls I barely know find this "problem" really cool but as soon as I'm with a partner for a longer period, it becomes really problematic because them think I don't find them attractive enough to achieve orgasm with them.

 

[William]

Hi, jnv, I had exactly the same problem.  I never had ED, only DE.  I went probably a year without O during sex, and during that year had plenty of sex, but had conditioned myself only to O with P.  This frustrated my girl, made here feel "not enough."  That broke my heart because she is far, far, too good for me, and to have my actions make her question her value to me was too much, so, I fixed the problem.

I have only read this post, I have not gone back and read your others, so I don't really know your approach to the problem.  That said, when I read the post you seemed to focus on below the belt, when, in fact, this and all other porn addiction problems are in the brain, above the belt.  I don't know if you are an addict, but I know for me thinking I was was a first huge step toward fixing the problem.  We cannot fix the problem unless we acknowledge having one.  If you have not already done so, there are two great resources on Gabe's home page, I suggest you look them over.  The first is a link titled "Road to Recovery" the other is a link titled "The Great Porn Experiment."

The cure for our problem and those who suffer ED is exactly the same, quit porn.  Completely.  What I have seen here and other forums are the guys who relapse a lot are still allowing themselves to see porn.  Porn is just a button we push to get a dopamine fix, and every porn addict is just a dopamine addict by another word.

My thread, if you care to read it. 

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0

Peace. 

 

[Mart71]

I do not exactly have a huge DE problem, but DE is included in my own mix of things messed up.

I started the reboot with strong ED. Once I was able to get somewhat erect, I moved on to PE (premature ejaculation). Once I was able to acchieve an erection after ridiculously long refraction times and after around two or three PE episodes, my body started to switch to DE. After taking a long enough break from sex (one or two weeks), I am back to PE. Cycle repeats. LOL

I expected the ED. I expected the PE. I did not expect the DE.

The PE is simply from being too horny after the break, since i rarely masturbate. It is just my body craving release.

The DE however is my current state in my reboot. In my opinion, it is a combination of lowish libido, desensitization to women caused by porn - and actual nerve and skin trauma caused by decades of death grip PMO.

My DE case is not bad. During months 4 to 8 of my reboot, I would usually be able to O every second or third day when having sex every day. On the other days, I could have sex as long as we were able to do it, with either my erection finally dying at some point or one of us getting sore. But O was out of reach, whatever I did.

Starting with month 9, the frequency of O improved to almost once every day (without falling into a flatline). It feels, like I am getting more and more in control of it now.

So my DE seems to improve. It improves very slowly though. Both my libido and the sensitivity are improving very slowly. I have no way to tell how the nerves and the skin are improving, but there is a visible change in the texture of my penis shaft's skin, changing from a mostly brownish, rough skin to a smoother, fairer skin. It goes in random patches, so the change is quite noticeable and rather fascinating.

So I can't give many recommendations.

Does DE get better? Yes, it does for me. I read quite a few accounts saying the same thing.

Do you need to go hard mode? Seeing how slowly it improves for me, I would not really expect three months of hard mode to be enough and I would also consider it unneccessary. I had some parts of my reboot, where I would be in hard mode for up to a month and the rate of progress did neither slow down nor accelerate. This is purely subjective though.

What could support recovery? Since the skin and nerves might have physical damage, a simple lotion could support the healing. I use a cheap $3 baby skin lotion, other guys buy $50 Man1Man Oil (which is clearly snake oil, if I ever saw one LOL). Death grip masturbation is cleary to be avoided. In fact you might be on the safe side to avoid any kind of masturbation for a longer amount of time. Porn has to be banned as well, get rid of it for life and do not look back.

What about sex? Sex does not feel like it sets me back. Having regular sex is a good gauge where you stand in your reboot. And since recovery from DE can take a long time and hard mode does not give you a clear benefit, I would just enjoy life and the sex and wait for time to pass.

That is all I have to say about the subject. It is just my opinion, based on my experience, I do not claim it to be fact.

Good Luck!

 

[jnv]

Thanks for the answer to both of you.

Getting rid of porn has already be done, or at least as my counter reads, it is in the process. I think that the main problem when I'm having a sexual relationship which prevents me from O'ing is that at best, it feels insipid/boring compared to porn. I think I'll still sporadicly MO (max once every 1 or 2 week) without any visual stimulation/fantasy at first while avoiding deathgrip at all cost. Once I'm more confident staying free of porn (6+ months at least) I'll then try to reduce MO.

I definitely think the rewiring process is on the way because I did try M this morning without P nor fantasy and achieved O and as far as I can remember, it couldn't do it without porn before my first reboot.