What the counter doesn't show you... an addicts perspective..

[klarson27]

Look at my counter... I recall the last day that I used porn... I remember thinking (two days before my 4th child was born) that I will never look at porn again..

Sad to say, that since the time I quit using porn.  I have simply replaced one addiction for another.

Not long after quitting porn, I found the casual encounters section of craigslist and began acting out with people instead of porn.

As a result of my addiction to sex/porn my life became completely consumed by acting out sexually behind my wife/family's back.  She didn't know at the time (although I'm sure she felt it) and as a result, my marriage has ended. She asked me to leave the house January 4th and I haven't been back since. The divorce is in the final stages and I'm in an established routine with our four children in my new rented home.

So yes, I have quit porn for a LOOOONG time (and will never go back), but I'm now fighting the battle of sex addiction and I'm facing it head on.  My point in all this is We are addicts.. and addiction is a brain disease that will continue to fight you as your thought processes and patterns are infected by the disease.

One day at a time is all we can control...

Time to put the pieces of my life back together..

 

[aquarius25]

My heart just breaks for your family and your situation. I am so very sorry. You are spot on. You are an addict. Addicts can be in various stages of recovery but they are always addicts, there is no "cured". That is why they use the term recovery. I would really encourage you to pour into finding your root causes. What drove you to this addiction? It is more than just a brain disease. There are triggers that come from different things. You can do some soul searching and start to find your root cause triggers. Getting help for those things can allow you to manage this addiction better and help you heal your life. This is meant to be encouraging. Your vulnerability and honesty are admirable. Good luck!

 

[klarson27]

Thanks man... it's a lesson that others can learn from too...

The hardest part is accepting responsibility for my actions.  The addicted brain is a hijacked brain so it's very tempting and easy to say my actions were not me (because there's a level of truth to that statement).. but I was the one who acted out and I was the one who made choices that ultimately led to where I am.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference