Age 45 - Last Chance Saloon

[strinther]

Hi guys.

DAY FOUR

I am a 45 year old guy with a non-existent sex life due to ED. I discovered porn at a very early age, getting excited by magazines from about 8 and VHS tapes at around 12. Most of my adult life has been motivated by a search for privacy and porn to feed my addiction. In recent years my ED has got to such a stage that I often don?t even get hard while watching and masturbating to hard fetish porn.

About six months ago I decided to tackle my problems and have tried everything but the (what is now) obvious. I have lost two stones in weight, started working out and eating healthy food. I am genuinely in the best shape of my life. I gave up moderate drinking, experimented with and took supplements of L?argenine, Ginseng, Tribulus and Maca? nothing works.

A few weeks ago I had an opportunity to make love with a beautiful girl that I care for deeply. She is much younger than me, has the sweetest smile and a body to die for. I relied on Sildenafil citrate (Viagra) to help, yet still managed to fail miserably and that beautiful young thing is now fading rapidly from my life.

I am on day four of my reboot, not craving porn or masturbation but still feeling mildly alive and horny down there. Strangely enough, I have experienced the flatline before when I tried to give up PMO for about ten days? it freaked me out and I rushed back to get some life into my dying genitals? I believed in the old adage use it or lose it.

This time it is all or nothing, I am done with porn for good and hope to give the MO a rest for at least six weeks.

Wish me luck as this is probably the last chance saloon for me.

S

 

[savingmysoul]

Hey Strinther -

Welcome to the Nation - you are not alone, and you can find a lot of support here to help you conquer this demon that has infested us all.

Grats on day four - soon you will have one week behind you.  Please remember this is a process, and also remember that it will take as long as it takes - the biggest and most important step is to eliminate P & M from your life.  Committment to that, and a desire to be a better man will see you through what lies ahead.  Some days will suck, others not so bad.

You have the strength inside you - find it and embrace it, journal often read and educate yourself at every opportunity.

You can be successful, join all of us on this journey, we are here for you.

SMS

 

[strinther]

Hey Strinther -

Welcome to the Nation - you are not alone, and you can find a lot of support here to help you conquer this demon that has infested us all.

Grats on day four - soon you will have one week behind you.  Please remember this is a process, and also remember that it will take as long as it takes - the biggest and most important step is to eliminate P & M from your life.  Committment to that, and a desire to be a better man will see you through what lies ahead.  Some days will suck, others not so bad.

You have the strength inside you - find it and embrace it, journal often read and educate yourself at every opportunity.

You can be successful, join all of us on this journey, we are here for you.

SMS

Thank you, I will have a good read around the site and try to contribute as much as I can. It looks like a great resource, doing great work for all of us that have fallen into the PMO trap!

Many thanks

 

[PMOVictory]

Welcome Strinther

If you want to quit PMO, and kill the beast, this is the place to be! Like SMS said, educate yourself by reading and reading some more. You are used to spending endless hours on PMO. Replace that time by educating yourself. Read whatever you can on PMO, YBOP is a good resource. Watch the videos, journal. All this will help you clear your mind and help you to make better decisions. Know that it will be hard, some days more than other. When you fall, pick yourself up and start again. Don't get discouraged or disappointed.
Journal as much as possible, this also helps you to sort up and compartmentalise what is upstairs so that you will get to the understanding of what is happening with you, and what to do.

Stay strong and be Blessed!

 

[strinther]

DAY 6

Wow, this is harder than I thought (no pun intended) - I strayed a little when i had to adjust my internet filter and had a little peek at something for ten mins or so... but no masturbating!

Still on track, i think!

Day 5 was difficult, day 6 not so bad...

 

[Gunner]

Stay at it Strinther. I lost a few young and gorgeous girls due to ED as a result of PMO. Then I got Viagra and was able to perform but not cum...so I lost a few more girls. So I quit porn and MO and things have gotten better...but at about 6 weeks it is still way too early for me. I think it will take 6 months to perform without Viagra and cum every time. So every journey starts with a few steps...good luck brother!
PS, I hope you don't live near me...there is already too much competition as it is!

 

[PMOVictory]

Stay strong guys!

The reward is much better than your wildest expectations.
Know your triggers.
Educate yourself, read all you can on YBOP, and watch the videos, post your journals.
Be attentive and aware not to loose your motivation.

Stay strong and be Blessed!

 

[strinther]

@gunner I'm not that lucky, i'm sure you'll get no competition from me!

Thanks for the support guys. I really do want to be normal again. I cringe when i think of all the secrecy and deceit, not to mention the amount of time i have wasted on this addiction.

Reading and educating yourself does help to stay focused. Day 7 and feeling strong!

: )

 

[PMOVictory]

I often think of the years that I accumulatively wasted over time on this addiction.

 

[strinther]

DAY EIGHT

Hmm, I think I am entering the 'flatline' - I don't feel horny at all, my balls ache a bit and penis does feel quite lifeless. Today has been quite easy and straightforward so far, probably due to the above.

If I can get through to next weekend I will consider it quite a milestone as I have never gone that long without O before. The weekend itself will be another challenge altogether, but will take it one step at a time.

Thanks for the comments guys, and best wishes to everyone out there.

 

[savingmysoul]

stay tough!

find your strength, it is there in all of us.

 

[PMOVictory]

You can do this!!!

Stay strong and be Blessed!

 

[strinther]

UPDATE

Well I lasted until 27th October, 43 days without PMO. I then went on a binge and indulged myself for a week and have struggled to get back on track ever since. Although I no longer PMO regularly, I have found myself routinely getting around my own self imposed adult content filters to look at mild porn and occasionally edge to it. On the couple of occasions that i have been intimate with a woman it has been apparent that my impotence is worse than ever... looks like it is going to be a long road ahead for me.

I vowed yesterday, that today 16th Dec would be my new starting point!  8)

 

[savingmysoul]

dust yourself off.

Get back on the horse.

You have the strength inside you to do this for yourself.  Only you can do for yourself - we are certainly here to help and support.

You can do this.  We all can.

 

[chris73]

Strinther,

Welcome back. It`s never too late to restart.

Most important, stay accountable and journal here, and read Your Brain On Porn. Information and mutual support are fundamental to keep us on track.

Good luck, man. You can do it.

This too shall pass!

 

[strinther]

Thanks guys,

That's some great advice to 'stay accountable' - it's easy to fool yourself sometimes but not so easy to fool others. I will try to update as regularly as i can.

There are other things going on in my life that complicate this whole journey. I am going through a breakup with my long term partner of eighteen years, partly due to my PIED, although she does not know that is the reason i stopped attempting to have sex 5 or 6 years ago. In the mean time i have met other women, the gorgeous young thing i mentioned in another earlier post and currently a beautiful married woman.

I don't enjoy a life of deceit and secrecy, I just want to be cured of my problem and feel free to develop a healthy relationship with a lovely single woman who i can love and adore.

 

[strinther]

So here we are, day three of my second serious attempt to give up porn and regain normal sexual functionality. I have decided to keep a log of how i feel sexually, each day in order to A: focus my mind and give purpose to why i am doing this, and B: hopefully see some recovery as i emerge from the flatline.

Day one started with (great MW) - very strong morning wood that i became aware of in the early hours and stayed with me until it was time to get up.

Day two started with (good MW) - fairly strong persistent morning wood upon awakening and a general feeling of movement, enlargement and hornyness mid morning and early evening.

Day three today started with 'good MW' and reasonable feelings of hornyness mid morning.

I know from experience that the flatline will kill off MW and any feelings of 'movement', 'enlargement' and 'hornyness' so I am hoping that my log will show a pattern and indicate when the flatline is coming to an end as it can be quite dispiriting when your penis appears to shrivel up and die on you! 

 

[lyon03]

I think we all go through the d*ck obsession in early recovery. It's normal. After all, we've all spent days, months, or even years worshipping the male phallus (d*ck) through our viewing of the most graphic porn videos. I transferred my porn obsession to a d*ck obsession during flatline. Eventually I asked myself, "What's more important? My c*ck or the person attached to it." I then decided to be a better man, rather than be a better erection. This opened up a whole new world for me. Stay strong brother. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

 

[PMOVictory]

Hi lyon03

Firstly you gave me the chuckles with your finger error!

"What's more important? My c*ck or the person attached to it."

Then it made me think... the spelling is not correct but it could also read My kick.
so one can also phrase the sentence like this.

"What is more important? The kick from porn or my d*ck."
Just another twist to it but with a lot of truth in it...

strintner

Glad you are on another streak and that you are more motivated!

Stay strong and receive the Blessings!

 

[strinther]

Thanks for the comments guys. I am aware of the c*ck worship but am using it as a crutch and guide to help stay on course. It is only day Nine but i am feeling good. No stray thoughts of P at all, the idea kind of disgusts me a bit and i do have a sense of worth that reminds me not to go there.

The MW has calmed down a bit, I am aware that it has happened most mornings but for the last couple of mornings it hasn't been 'present' upon awakening! - I think I am going into the flatline now. I would love to naturally feel an emergence out of the other side but i'm not sure that ever happened on my last 43 day stint. Hopefully this time i will 'feel' an improvement but my intention is to stay the course as long as i have to.