Hi. Y m Alex. 48 yo. Someone knowledgeable to answer my doubts?

[Alex48]

Hello everyone. Thanks for this page that has been a great help. I am gay, and I have had a great tendency to addiction to porn on the internet. My solution years ago was always no signal at home, and it worked very well. But today that is impossible. I have a question. I have been without a partner for several years and in the last three meetings throughout this year, I had no erection, at least good. That has obsessed me to the point of not wanting to have real sex again.
I am aware that the problem is porn addiction, and I started with a personal follow-up to watch porn. I've been 4 months, but I have occasional relapses. My Doubt is:
. Is 3 months without any kind of virtual pornographic stimulus for the treatment to be successful?
. What happens if there are occasional relapses? Cancel counter?
. Is it necessary to wait for this period to have real contacts again? or is it beneficial to boot up before ?. I confess that it is difficult for me to wait so long to meet someone, but if necessary I will.

Hugs

 

[TakeActionNow]

Welcome Alex,
Pls study this post and site. It has great information
http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/threads/my-thoughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post.15558/#post-272668

1.
Duration for recovery is not fixed. I believe it goes beyond stimulation. I feel its more about your general outlook in life. So work on being a happier and more positive person.

2.
I am not a believer of hard counting. Like the link above,
A reduction of daily to weekly is improvement
A move from p based mo to non p based mo is an improvement.

3.
Some see reboot as purely a dick recovery thing.
Others see it as a relationship improvement thing
I see it as a mindset and life outlook change thing.
You have to decide what is meaningful for you. Respect yourself and your choice.

Whatever it is know that you've made an excellent choice of putting your self-improvement ahead of your self denial, which is what pmo really is.

 

[lyon03]

Welcome Alex. That took a lot of courage my friend so I applaud your honesty. Before answering your questions, I want you to know that I'm sharing my personal experience, so I'm not an expert. With that in mind, here are my responses to your post:

1. Is 3 months without any kind of virtual pornographic stimulus for the treatment to be successful?

That depends my friend. If you're referring to porn induced erectile dysfunction (or 'PIED'), recovery varies based on the depth and duration of your porn addiction. (Please also keep in mind that as we age, we often lose our ability to maintain erections.) When I first joined here, I suffered from severe PIED. My erections returned after about 100 days of "hard" reboot, meaning no porn nor masturbation.

2. What happens if there are occasional relapses? Cancel counter?

I too relapsed for years before joining this forum and a 12-step program for porn addiction called PAA. So I know from experience that my erections only returned once I'd stopped both porn and masturbation. I'm now a few years porn-free and my PIED is completely cured. I'd recommend you read "Your Brain on Porn" to understand the neuroscience behind porn addiction. What I was essentially doing was rebooting my brain (and junk) to like sex with another man, rather than virtual sexual stimulation via a screen. So if you find yourself relapsing and using porn from time to time, yes I believe this would result in PIED.

3. Is it necessary to wait for this period to have real contacts again? or is it beneficial to boot up before? I confess that it is difficult for me to wait so long to meet someone, but if necessary I will.

I myself continued having sex with my boyfriend during my "hard 90" of no porn nor masturbation. So I'd recommend you try the hard 90 which is three months porn and masturbation free. I found posting here about my progress extremely helpful with this process.

I hope that helps my friend and look forward to following your progress. Be well. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

 

[Farscape1]

Alex 48, I think the 90 days is just a way to start you on your way to not PMO. I am in my first 30 days and have had sex in the time period and continue to get better. I still want to continue to not PMO for 90 days just to say that I completed my journey and came out on the other side. I believe that setting goals for your self helps in recovery and depending on your dedication will you achieve your goal.

I have not not relapsed yet because I want to be cured and be with my partner and have a healthy sex life. If I did not have a partner I would still be on my journey because it was soo embarrassing to tell her that I had this addiction and its all my fault. That was the hardest even though she stuck threw with me I wish I would have found out first and fixed it vs being stuck in that situation.

I think it depends on each person situation. It worked for me but it depends on ones outlook and how serious ones addiction is. Mind was for four plus years and I didn't go to extreme fetishes like some. In fact I did not have the same side effects as most giving up PMO. I believe Lyons03 and Take Action Now said it best so I will just leave it at that.

Good luck on your journey my friend and one day read your success story

 

 

[Alex48]

Thank you very much for your answer. I have a question to ask: when talking about no masturbation in 90 days, means not masturbating with porn or directly not masturbarse ?. and one more, is the procedure or steps to follow the treatment somewhere? I find it uncomfortable to express myself in English because I have not used it for years, so I apologize if the translator is inaccurate. hug

 

[lyon03]

Your English is perfectly fine Alex so don't worry about that. In response to your latest questions:

1. When talking about no masturbation in 90 days, means not masturbating with porn or directly not masturbate?

A hard 90 means no porn and no masturbation. I think an easier way to understand this is as follows: if you want to stop having sex with a computer screen and your hands, then stop having sex with computer screen and your hand. If your goal is to have sex with a real live man again, then you have to end your addictions to PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm)

2. ...and one more, is the procedure or steps to follow the treatment somewhere?

That's an excellent question. I myself found that posting here wasn't enough so I joined www.pornaddictsanonymous.org to work a 12-step program for porn addiction. That's the only program I've worked while also posting here.

I think it's quite common to go through a "bargaining" phase when we face the frightening possibility of living without our addictions. And bargaining sounds a lot like: I'll only masturbate on Wednesdays; I'll stop watching porn tomorrow; I'll only look at still photos, not videos; and so on. I spent years trapped in the bargaining phase and am happy to share my own experience. I only really overcame my porn addiction when I gave it up completely. And that process started with a "hard 90" of no porn nor masturbation. I hope that helps my friend.

 

[jjacks]

Bargaining is an important part. When I cut all my triggers, the hardest part was losing my "friends" those online live images I used to masturbate with. I dumped them anyway. As it happens, they were not friends. Reboot nation is where the real friends are.

 

[Alex48]

thank you very much again. Now I understand why you talk about "hard 90". I'm going to walk the walls I think !!!. I say it with a humor, but the truth is that the challenge is interresting and I've started it. This really is something to take seriously when it is at stake to be able to return to having a healthy sex life. Frankly this has had me half sad and worried, the manhood feels a bit touched. So for that. Hugs.

 

[lyon03]

Good luck brother. I'd recommend posting daily to remain connected, motivated, and accountable. I'd also suggest reading "Your Brain on Porn" to learn about the neuroscience behind porn addiction. I look forward to following your journey. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

 

[Alex48]

1189/5000
Thanks again for the advice. Farscape1 I understood your situation very well, at some point I think I'm in a similar situation, maybe being alone changes my perspective a little. And Lyons03 I think I'll write followed here, it's a good place to share. I am afraid that in a few days I will be on the walls, the truth was not that it is not only Do not consume porn, but also masturbarse. I get along pretty well first, but not masturbating for 3 months sounds like Utopia. Anyway I am going to do it, since the most important thing is to recover a good sex life, I have not had full sexual intercourse for a long time. And believe me, this has nothing to do with sexual orientation, gay, straight or bi is the same for everyone. So good, here we are. and TakeActionNow share what you say in part. It is clear that a more complete plan is necessary, but I believe I have it, I am rearming it, although today it has no partner. Anyway, I think in situations like these, it is necessary to take the situation by the horns and make hard decisions, at least to get out of the vicious circle. Then of course, what you say is fundamental.

Hugs boy