Dating sites: a real threat for reboot

[Red Bear]

I undertook a reboot process, and it worked very good and quickly. ED and DE seemed to disappear. So 5 days ago I started to visit dating sites, found a couple of girls and began to communicate with them. Also I spent 2-3 hours a day surfing those sites. I always feel an excitement doing this, but never MO looking at the girls photos. And very soon I started feeling like my libido is going away, just like it had been in the beginning of the reboot. I am really frustrated now. Looks like I relapsed unintentionally. Am I right or wrong? Is it dating sites effect (the same dophamine channels involved) - or may be there should be some ups and downs during the reboot process?

I am 40, today is 30th day of the reboot.

 

[Red Bear]

In fact I vaguely remember that I have read some weeks ago here, in this forum that dating sites also can be a kind of damage for rewiring process and surfing them should be excluded... Unfortunately I don't remember exactly where it was said.

This is really embarassing, a week ago I managed to make MO in 3 minutes without P and even without hard fantasies. And then libido gradually fainted - obviously because I started listing girls' profiles for hours and giving them smiles and likes and getting the same in response.

I suggest all who read this to be careful with such activity. Seems like it affects the same parts of the brain as P does. May be it's strictly individual... may be not... I have not found the answer yet.

I wish good luck and strenght to all guys who struggle against this disease.

 

[William]

It's porn addiction recovery 101.  Porn is not just porn, not for an addict, and, in fact, porn addiction is not even porn addiction.  We suffer from dopamine addiction, or, technically, porn induced dopamine addiction.  But, even more specifically, we use porn to generate hypersexual thoughts, and those hypersexual thoughts lead to a prolonged, profound, dopamine reaction.  It is a way to get high.  Porn = hypersexual thoughts = dopamine reaction = high (euphoric feeling).  During the reboot, especially during the reboot, the brain will trigger on just about anything to get a sexual thought, to get the dopamine fix you are denying it.  It is not, so much, that having a sexual thought is bad, it is just that, after years of abusing and consuming porn, you become addicted to it.  So, recognize what is happening.  You are using dating sites in, essentially, the same way you were using porn.  Maybe after you are rebooted, this is something you can do, but during the reboot phase, you are using the dating site like a P sub; surfing them, searching them, and getting a dopamine high in the process.  During the reboot, avoid anything that gives you a dopamine rush.  "All of it" means P, M, O, PMO, sex, sexual thoughts, Porn subs, etc.  If your toaster starts to look good to you in the reboot, through it out, at least until after the reboot. No, actually, if your toaster starts to look good to you, you have bigger issues than P addiction.  Don't play with your triggers until after you are rebooted.  Do the hard 90.  Pain is the price we pay to get free, so, be prepared to pay it. 

Much love.

W.

 

[Red Bear]

William, thank you very much for your advice.
Why is it called porn addiction recovery 101?

I don't actually think I was an addict. I just had a hard personal life during last two years and often used PMO. I understood it was smth wrong myself, before finding the Reboot Nation site and other internet resources. And I quitted PMO very easy, and have no urges to return.

I am 40 years old and for many years I lived ordinary sexual life with women, so my recovery process was quite swift. It took only 24 days, and I started to feel very good, I felt absolutely cured.

Another question: Do you really advise me not to have sex with girls? Many times I read here that it helps to get better.

 

[William]

The question about sex: Only during the rebooting phase.  After that, after you have put porn behind you, have sex.  The thing about advising against sex during the reboot phase, a lot of guys show up here virgins or with PIED.  Giving up something they cannot and do not have anyway, it is not usually a problem. 

Once you get rebooted, which, perhaps you are, sex is just fine.

 

[Red Bear]

Thanks again.
Actually, I don't understand how can anybody return to P if he knows it harms his brain. This is quite a terryfing thing.
I remember the day I clearly realized what was going on with me. I swore to refuse P immediately, with relief, I erased all P stuff from my computer and since then didn't look back into that abyss.

 

[Jack Can]

Thanks again.
Actually, I don't understand how can anybody return to P if he knows it harms his brain. This is quite a terryfing thing.
I remember the day I clearly realized what was going on with me. I swore to refuse P immediately, with relief, I erased all P stuff from my computer and since then didn't look back into that abyss.

I am with you 100% man. I don't get how everybody on this site would ever relapse to porn. Maybe it's like cigarettes though.. Everybody knows that it is terrible for you, but tons of people still do it.

 

[Red Bear]

Thanks again.
Actually, I don't understand how can anybody return to P if he knows it harms his brain. This is quite a terryfing thing.
I remember the day I clearly realized what was going on with me. I swore to refuse P immediately, with relief, I erased all P stuff from my computer and since then didn't look back into that abyss.

I am with you 100% man. I don't get how everybody on this site would ever relapse to porn. Maybe it's like cigarettes though.. Everybody knows that it is terrible for you, but tons of people still do it.

It must get to your conscience, not emotions. I was nicotine addict from 15 to 30 years, and tried to quit several times. Then I read a book about love addiction... they explained just how it works. I stopped feel bad about the girl I loved, and unexpectedly I quitted smocking the same day. So, I am sure, for man it's very important to understand in details how the process works. And he is able to do any hard things.

PS. So damn dissappointed... A pretty girl from a dating site keeps writing me every day, she obviously wants to be with me. And I got into problems again...

 

[misc person 86]

Dating sites set me back. Definitely! Sparked similar reward behaviours in the brain. Met a few girls, successful with 1, unsuccessful with 2 others. Knocked out on the head after that.

 

[scorpion1386]

Does this mean I can't ever use dating websites ever again? I'm gay, so how am I suppose to meet guys? The bar isn't my thing.

What the fuck? Is this universal for everyone with PIED or just special cases? I'm confused...

 

[Red Bear]

I think it will be no harm... but long after the successful reboot. And still we should not spend much time on DS, even when we are cured.

 

[Reboot_Dude]

The problem with dating sites is that they are a potential trigger to a relapse. I have had this problem before, looking at lots of pretty girls  can put your mind in the wrong place.

However, if you are using them with the actual intention of meeting someone I think you can do it without harm, you just have to be disciplined and not spend hours dwelling over pictures. I think that until you have completed your 90 days, you need to leave them alone though.

 

[Red Bear]

I think I've understood what exactly is the problem with DS.
You look at many girls in the period of time. It's constant novelty: several seconds for each image. Your brain gets more and more of them. Even not fapping, you get high. Thus when you get in bed with a real woman, you may even get aroused, but then your dick faints. Your brain needs more and more new images in the short time.

It would not be harmful if you find a girl at DS and write to her. It would be harmful if you list their profiles for HOURS (like I did).

 

[misc person 86]

I think I've understood what exactly is the problem with DS.
You look at many girls in the period of time. It's constant novelty: several seconds for each image. Your brain gets more and more of them. Even not fapping, you get high. Thus when you get in bed with a real woman, you may even get aroused, but then your dick faints. Your brain needs more and more new images in the short time.

It would not be harmful if you find a girl at DS and write to her. It would be harmful if you list their profiles for HOURS (like I did).

Absolutely what I did! I'd rebooted progressively with good results... Got single, swiped for hours on the DS, had loads of conversions going. Eventually one girl was sending me videos and whilst I never fapped, looking back I felt the same surge of dopamine flood my brain. I get so horny to meet her, but I met her and nothing happened!!! Devastated. On absolute hard mode now for as long as it takes.

 

[scorpion1386]

I think I've understood what exactly is the problem with DS.
You look at many girls in the period of time. It's constant novelty: several seconds for each image. Your brain gets more and more of them. Even not fapping, you get high. Thus when you get in bed with a real woman, you may even get aroused, but then your dick faints. Your brain needs more and more new images in the short time.

It would not be harmful if you find a girl at DS and write to her. It would be harmful if you list their profiles for HOURS (like I did).

Absolutely what I did! I'd rebooted progressively with good results... Got single, swiped for hours on the DS, had loads of conversions going. Eventually one girl was sending me videos and whilst I never fapped, looking back I felt the same surge of dopamine flood my brain. I get so horny to meet her, but I met her and nothing happened!!! Devastated. On absolute hard mode now for as long as it takes.

Oh man. When did this occur? If you don't mind me asking.

 

[Red Bear]

I think I've understood what exactly is the problem with DS.
You look at many girls in the period of time. It's constant novelty: several seconds for each image. Your brain gets more and more of them. Even not fapping, you get high. Thus when you get in bed with a real woman, you may even get aroused, but then your dick faints. Your brain needs more and more new images in the short time.

It would not be harmful if you find a girl at DS and write to her. It would be harmful if you list their profiles for HOURS (like I did).

Absolutely what I did! I'd rebooted progressively with good results... Got single, swiped for hours on the DS, had loads of conversions going. Eventually one girl was sending me videos and whilst I never fapped, looking back I felt the same surge of dopamine flood my brain. I get so horny to meet her, but I met her and nothing happened!!! Devastated. On absolute hard mode now for as long as it takes.

I may not be right, but in my case the hardmode was not an option.
I practiced MO with fantasies about real women and it was getting better and better. 1 time in 5 days, then 1 time in 2 or 3 days, then 1 or 2 times a day. For me this was a way to get my sexual patterns in the brain back. The system must work to recover.

My first attempt took 24 days from the start to success. After that I returned to DS for several days and it was a relapse and severe dysfunction repeated. The second attempt took 14 days and, guys, I feel better now again. You can't imagine how happy I am now. Though you see, I was not really a P addict, even didn't watched it a lot... the real problem popped out of surfing DS.

I will wait for some time and if there's no new problems, I will write a success story.

PS. It's interesting: thinking about all that I understood how I got a very poor eyesight in my childhood. Reading books was the only real pleasure - and I read them all the time, even in the bathroom. It was a dopamine rush and an overdose of reading - I crippled my eyes. The same shit.

 

[misc person 86]

I think I've understood what exactly is the problem with DS.
You look at many girls in the period of time. It's constant novelty: several seconds for each image. Your brain gets more and more of them. Even not fapping, you get high. Thus when you get in bed with a real woman, you may even get aroused, but then your dick faints. Your brain needs more and more new images in the short time.

It would not be harmful if you find a girl at DS and write to her. It would be harmful if you list their profiles for HOURS (like I did).

Absolutely what I did! I'd rebooted progressively with good results... Got single, swiped for hours on the DS, had loads of conversions going. Eventually one girl was sending me videos and whilst I never fapped, looking back I felt the same surge of dopamine flood my brain. I get so horny to meet her, but I met her and nothing happened!!! Devastated. On absolute hard mode now for as long as it takes.

Oh man. When did this occur? If you don't mind me asking.

About 3 month ago. I'm starting to care a little bit less about recovery now I'm single, it's a big pressure off and I'm actually just not thinking about it. It'll take as long as it takes. How are you getting on scorpion?

 

[Red Bear]

andyjee86, 3 months seem to be very long. Try to fantasize sex with real women you met, and may be your brain will return to the excitement mechanisms it had before the disease (like my brain did).

 

[Red Bear]

An important addition: not only surfing DS inflames the same brain dopamine chains as PMO, but also chatting with girls in whatsup. Just a couple of hours of it has just hit me hard - back into soft state. I had been already recovered for a week and had felt myself allright. But yesterday stumbled back.

 

[scorpion1386]

An important addition: not only surfing DS inflames the same brain dopamine chains as PMO, but also chatting with girls in whatsup. Just a couple of hours of it has just hit me hard - back into soft state. I had been already recovered for a week and had felt myself allright. But yesterday stumbled back.

How is it that sometimes I'll talk to someone on social media and get a small semi erection woody, but Red Bear you go soft? Mine is a soft semi erection. It's definitely soft but it's like a semi erection too.

I am 100% almost positive that I have PIED/flatline. it's just that my dick doesn't go soft when I speak to people on social media. It'll be a soft semi erection.

Maybe my PIED is more severe than yours? No idea.