My way out of the swamp

[EnigmaMan]

Hang in the Redbear, it takes time for new neural pathways to form and to heal from our old behavior, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.  Tomorrow we begin anew.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.

 

[Red Bear]

Thanks for support. Is something really wrong with my English? As I said before it's not my native language. Sorry about that.

Yesterday I ate a viagra pill to check out how hard the relapse had hit me. It would not work, though I waited for an hour. Luckily there was a MW all the night. I tried again MO in the morning - and it was successful but very hard to reach.

I should invent something new to communicate with a girl. Talking by phone or writing e-mails, or better meeting in real.

 

[Red Bear]

Day 51 - 12th of November.

Thank God, this relapse didn't kick me far back. I managed to MO in 6 minutes in the evening without faintings.

Anyway I'm gonna be very careful with texting girls. I wrote her much less and she answered me. I did felt excitement, and imagine: while texting I splashed my hands and my face with cold water to eliminate that dopamine rush. But it helped poorly.

 

[EnigmaMan]

Thanks for support. Is something really wrong with my English? As I said before it's not my native language. Sorry about that.

Yesterday I ate a viagra pill to check out how hard the relapse had hit me. It would not work, though I waited for an hour. Luckily there was a MW all the night. I tried again MO in the morning - and it was successful but very hard to reach.

I should invent something new to communicate with a girl. Talking by phone or writing e-mails, or better meeting in real.

LOL, no I didn't notice anything wrong with your English, I wouldn't have guessed it wasn't your first language, I just like to quote Shakespeare.

 

[Red Bear]

Yes, I already understood ;D
Okay, anyway I am not English, but I love Shakespear, especially that story of Romeo and Juliette. I studied English when I was young, reading Shakespear, Lewis Carrol, Stephen King and Edgar Poe.

 

[Red Bear]

Day 52 - 13th of November.

Slept good (surprisingly). Had a strong wood all the night. Ate only fruits and vegetbles all day (a fasting day). My libido is with me, so I start feeling calm again. Evening MO - it took 6 minutes and no softening. I chatted with my new friend cautiously and suggested her to meet on week-end.

It seems to me that I have two rival dopamine systems in my brain simultanueosly. One is sick system grown this year when I spent much time on P and DS; the second is a healthy system I had from my young age, it consists of sex ability and M for fantasies. The sick system must be erased.

 

[Red Bear]

Day 53 - 14th of November

Just an ordinary day.
Nothing is going on.
Worked all day and watched football in the evening. Russia - Spain 3:3 - not bad.
And don't care about all that shit.

 

[Red Bear]

Day 54 - 15th of November.

Everething is OK. I feel like a normal healthy man. Worked, ate, lifted weights in the evening. A girl in the office has definetely put an eye at me. She's nice, but I am going to date another girl on Friday. They both excite me and I have plenty of sexual thoughts. Before sleep they led me to MO, and it was a 4-minute calm and ordinary MO, with no weakening, like in my young years. It's queer, but PMO felt not so bright and pleasurable as MO to fantasies of real girls. PMO was hard to obtain and felt ghostly... Anyway the real sex is many times better, I hope I will soon feel myself ready to it and definetely will fuck one of my female options.

Thinking over what was going on to me I remembered the periods when I lived alone and used PMO. After that, bringing girls home, I would feel hard to reach O with them, at least for the first times. My brain was already raped by P, so it was pure DE. I could not cum in condom and would M on the girls bodies after fucking them to get O. This was so stupid. I am sorry I didn't understand what was going on to me then. But I surely remember that when I returned to normal and regular sexual life - DE disappeared and I had to restrain myself mentally - for not to cum in 5-6 minutes after the beginning of an act.

PMO, I am so happy that I am going far and far away from that shit. I still remember some images of it, but they are gradually being removed and washed away. No regrets.

 

[Red Bear]

Day 55 16th of November.

Worked until evening, then went shopping with a friend, then lifted weights at home. Chatted a little with a girl, will go to the restaurant with her tomorrow. Had some spontaneous erections thinking of girls.

 

[Red Bear]

Day 56 - 17th of November

Finally I meet a girl again. The first date was romantic, full of fun and I liked her much. She is sexy and thin and absolutely a girl of type I prefere. Seems she also likes me, so I hope we will continue with these datings.

Walking next to her in the street, kidding, I felt a real dopamine rush, but the healthy one, I walked half-erected, man, I wanted her really. When they advise to get cured with a real girl beside you, they are right. Neveretheless it made me anxious a bit: such things remind about all those PIED problems. But it was OK, my libido didn't disappear. I got home, had MO - no faintings, no DE, no whatsoever.

 

[Red Bear]

Day 57 18th of November.

I am in a trip to another city.
Feels very good. Thinking of my new girl and getting aroused. Like there never was such thing like ED.

 

[Red Bear]

Days 58,59,60,61 - 19-22 of November.

So, yesterday I crossed 2 months milestone. I don't watch P, and I avoid P substitutes. All my thoughts are concentrated on the girl I'm dating. Everything seems to be allright with my libido. Except maybe for a little DE when MO.

 

[Red Bear]

Days 62 - 72 (today is 2th December)

I don't feel any serious problem now. There is a DE if I do MO in the morning, but I am sure it's because there is just a luck of excitement. What I feel really - is a strong sexual drive when I am close to my new girlfriend. She is chaste and pure, and does not let me have sex with her yet (she says she wants to know me better first), but we meet each other and talk a lot, we touch each other - and I want her really. May be for me it's the best way to be cured and rewired: constantly move it to the young pretty girl, while the wrong dophamine channels in my brain disappear.

 

[Red Bear]

Hello, my diary.
I look in here rarely, because I don't have anymore problems with ED, I feel cured for several weeks already.
My last PMO was 22 of September, so it's 94 days now.
I had 2 unintentional relapses though (when listed dating sites and chatted a lot with a girl by smartphone, but these were just light P subs, so nothing criminal and I easily recovered) so only in the middle of February it is going to be a completely clean three-months history. But this does not matter much.
Unfortunately my girlfried got in the hospital and had a complicated surgery operation, so we have not had sex yet, but I hope she will recover in January and we will get closer

I have strong MW every night, but still feel some problems with getting orgasm when MO in the morning. May be there must pass some more time for my brain to stop demanding artificial pixel stimulation. I feel no urges to get back, actually I just hate porn. This shit spoiled my life, and the life of many people here.

 

[Red Bear]

Hi, everybody.
Today is 110 day (9th January).
Several days ago I broke up with my girlfriend because she was still not ready for sex.
I found a new one - yes, listing the dating site... and guess what - today I understood I relapsed again because of DS. So stupid!
I thought I was cured completely... but todays evening during MO I felt soft... like those terrible days again.
SHIT.
Never never visit again those dating site!
Though the relapse seems to be of light form, I believe I need to undertake a week or two of strict deprivation from P subs to become self-confident again.

 

[Red Bear]

112 days of no PMO. 11 of January.
I feel low libido - and I am not sure it's because of relapse on dating site.
May be it's just a psychology issue, may be it's because of my age, I'm 40!
Almost 50 days I was allright.
Low libido again, it's so sad.
God help me.

 

[Red Bear]

115 day.
Feel much better, libido is back.
The recover took 3 days this time.
Today I am allright.

 

[marco_60]

these are good news RB, I am happy for you! At the end results arrive, one has to be persistent and (IMMO) a little bit more relaxed, to avoid anxiety. But Iam a beginner, today is my day 16, thus I have to learn from experienced people like you  .

 

[Red Bear]

Hello, guys
Everything is going allright
Had sex with a nice and cute girl, on 8, 9, 10 and 11 of February.
It's not easy using condoms but still very pleasant.
There is still a little performance anxiety, but I get over it.

 

[Red Bear]

More than half a year has passed.
I have no more problems with erections.

There were several times when I felt performance anxiety and would not be easy to perform in bed, especially using condoms. But now it passed. I got strong erections and I feel so good having a healthy sexual life with a loving girl.