The single, average, 40+ yr old male with no PMO, MO, M etc plight

[Gunner]

So as I consider myself an average 44 yr old single man and taking on this no M, MO, PMO challenge, I find it very hard to cope when there is not a woman around to satisfy the urges. A married or relationship man would not have this problem. At my age, no attractive and emotionally stable lady at an age 10 yrs or more my junior will touch me with a 7 foot pole. Women in their late 30+ just fall apart physically which is not appealing at all. If I was famous, rich, and/or powerful, I would not have any problem scoring young models, etc. But seeing that is not going to happen, I have to work really hard to not go to the internet to wack off to the kind of girl I would love to be naked with. And it is not like I want to spend a thousand dollars to have a decent looking prostitute for an hour. And the future will only get worse as the age gap widens...all very depressing.

So there must be guys like me out there...how do you cope? I will say the sex is better with the ho-hum girls, but they all want a relationship and I don't want that with a ho-hum girl. I know the sex will get very boring very quickly. So it is a constant battle of wills to keep them around and not fall into a relationship trap.

I just think the internet porn with all it's variety, infinite abundance of models, and easy/low cost access is such a wonderful experience and one I am denying myself.

 

[Brooklyn Jerry]

Hi Guuner, I guess as they say you have to lower your expectations.
  My late wife was 55 when she passed away, and up until her last few years was looking fine. After she passed away I met  few women that were  in that age group but thought I wanted to date younger. I am in my sixties, but keep myself in good shape. But it seemed these women in their  forties all wanted something more then a relationship, they wanted someone to take care of them.
I met a widow a year younger them me. She has a few extra pounds, some wrinkles, but I will tell you she is a tiger in bed.
      As far as addiction to porn, it seems I was addicted to sex. When I was in my twenties and married, after having sex with my wife the nite before, I would leave early for work and get oral from a street hooker. Kind of dangerous as this was on the lower east side of NYC and I worked for the NY PD at the time. Never used a condom.
    I would also go out at nite with friends to a strip club and wind up at a massage parlor before heading home.
      After my wife passed away, my friend who frequents Foot Spas in my area suggested I go with him for a happy ending. I never did, I guess the porn kept me happy. But fapping almost daily became the norm I wrote in another post that I feel the occasional M without porn in itself is not a problem.Although in my case in my teens I feel it kept me from seeking girls to date. JO daily kept my sex drive in check. I should have used that energy in a more positive way.

 

[noises1990]

Hey man! The porn industry has set some wrong models for sexual intercourse that we want to follow... Apart from your addiction I can sense a bit of distress regarding the aging process... Give the reboot a chance, maybe it will fix your problems with women over 30... Believe me, when  you'll be horny as hell you'd even hump a camel...

When I was a teenager I  never understood those friends of mine that used to bang incredibly fat chicks met in clubs... Nowadays when the urges kick in like a roaring tiger... Man... Somehow... I get them..

Stay strong and don't lose confidence! The porn industry is not real... As much as you'd like to bang a 20 yo, you're not gonna do that watching pr0n videos... Try and improve yourself as much as you can if this is what you really want in life...

 

[Gunner]

Right on  noises. Will reboot allow me to become attracted to women in their 40's? I never thought of that, but it certainly would be a great benefit! And the more  I think of it, the better it sounds. Dating women 10+ years my junior is an expensive and frustrating endevour!

Another unintential consequence of this reboot could be my lack of tolerance for rejection? As us single men know, rejection is the road we travel to satisfaction so one must have a thick skin and big ego or forget about it. So when I get rejected for sex by a subject, I can't go and relieve myself  and temporarily  feel better. I need to have a girl to pinch hit or go ballistic on the subject. Do you guys cope in the same manner?

 

[PMOVictory]

Hi Gunner

I get what you say. The sex drive certainly is one of the biggest drives known to man!
However both the wife and myself decided that it will be best to during my 90 day reboot even avoid having sex.
This decision, without us knowing then, would end up being my biggest eye opener ever.

Yes it was very difficult, but guess what?
I made it!
Didn't lose my mind or got mad.
Didn't get blue balls.
I never even had a wet dream... insane!

But I learned that sex is not everything!
It is nice to have. But my life and happiness does not depend on it. Period.

I'm from the opinion that you do not need to bang each and every female available.
Even if you are single!
Find hobbies, friends, sport, any activity to keep yourself busy and occupied.
This will distract your mind from sex and the need to M & O.

The reward is great, bigger than you can imagine.
All said, this is my honest opinion. You do with it what you want.

Stay strong and be Blessed!
PMOV

 

[Gunner]

Hello fellow future free PMO'rs!! The tug of porn pulled me a little today and I watched some celebrity porn because of something I heard on the radio. I have also gravitated towards Netflix streaming shows that show beautiful naked women and/or vivid sex acts. I did not M, nor did I have the urge to M, it was more curiosity mixed with boredom. I do feel a bit bad about pushing my no PMO boundaries. 

Maybe this has been because of several dates I have had where I was flat out rejected by women I found attractive. The unattractive women I don't care if we never speak again, but it hurts when attractive women don't want anything to do with me.

I am addicted to sex with different women and that keeps me off the porn. Sort of replaced it. And the sex has been incredible! But the women I have sex with are no wear near as pretty as the models in porn. So I still have to keep hot porn scenes in my head to cum. And it is ALOT of work to find women willing to give themselves up and be strung along until they realize I am not never going to commit.

 

[rider654321]

Hi there Gunner,

Mate the best advice I can give you is don't fall into the trap of judging everyone solely on their looks, particularly when it comes to women! Otherwise your going to be an old and lonely frustrated guy if that's your main priority in a partner.

For starters no women worth her salt will put up with such superficial emotions from her man. I get that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and when I was between marriages I had dates with a number of women who were not strictly "my type". I was introduced to them by mutual friends and we went out and had a lot of fun together. They were all ladies I felt I could probably settle down and enjoy a good life with, but for different reasons (mostly kids) that never happened.

In the end I married a lovely lady who is six years older than I am (she's 56 and I am 50) and we have a great thing going. She looks in her mid forties as she was blessed with good family genes. She is out going, funny, intelligent, wonderfully loving, a great cook, and an enthusiastic lover. She has brought a lot of joy into my life.

It's true that I have enjoyed more "exciting sex" with another women who was in a couple I had a threesome with, but the dynamics and circumstances of those kind of encounters are entirely different to what a normal loving relationship is all about. So you can't compare the two. 

I fully understand your desire to find a woman that your attracted to because it is important. But a for a relationship to be successful both you and your partner have to bring a lot more to the table than just good looks. For me one of the first things I look for is someone with whom I can share an intelligent conversation with. Then perhaps some mutual interest in the things I enjoy doing.

Your view of women seems a little shallow to be truthful, though perhaps this view has been cultivated as a result of your porn use, as women are not portrayed well in porn?

As for quitting porn, you have to decide to either quit for good or just keep relapsing time and again. If your going to allow yourself to continue to search for celebrity sex and watch live streaming sex, then I can tell you now, your not going to be successful at beating the urges for long.

I acknowledge that for single guys its harder to stay masturbation free when you still have the normal male urges  to deal with. As others have said it can be done, but I personally wouldn't deny yourself sexual release once or twice a week if you really feel the need, so long as your not fantasizing about porn scenario's as you do it and your not watching porn directly.

Good luck with your journey.   



     

 

[Gunner]

Going off PMO and MO was easy at first because it was a new and novel thing. Something fun to try and find out what it is like. Now more than 90 days later it has lost it's novelty. The rationalization to go back just for a taste is very strong which is leading me into getting very close. I still have no desire to PMO or MO but the desire for visual stimulus is there which is scary. I still date several different women (which I am growing bored of) and face rejection from an army of others. Porn is just so easy, stimulating, and fun. But I know the after effect is bad...those deflated emotions of spent time and energy for a moment of solitary escapism.

 

[Workman]

I get where you're coming from, Gunner. I'm 47 and single. It seems like most single women around my age are divorced with kids or single mothers. That isn't a deal breaker per se, but it complicates an already complicated situation. And yeah, they are generally interested in developing a long term committed relationship as opposed to casual dating, which is perfectly understandable.

I also understand what you mean by them not being as physically attractive as younger ladies. Let's face it, most of us, men and women, do not improve with age. So yeah, finding "hot" women in their 40's can be a challenge,especially when you add in all the other challenges that come with dating at our age.

I'm usually attracted to women younger than me, sometimes much younger, and most of them are just not into guys my age. There are always exceptions, of course, but as a rule, younger girls are looking for younger guys. Those who tend to seek out guys our age are usually looking for an emotional daddy substitute or the like, or looking for the stereotypical "sugar daddy" arrangement.

I was in a long term relationship with a very attractive  woman 15 years younger then me, and now I'm in a relationship with one who is less than half my age. Sounds great, right? Dating a woman who is in her 20's has it's drawbacks, though: life experiences, cultural references, values, future goals...when you don't have many things in common it can be tough to sustain a relationship. I could go on and on, but you get the picture.

We live in a youth oriented culture and we have come to desire and value youthful looks over anything else. I will say, however, that while
most women in their 40's aren't as attractive to me physically, some are...I see physically fit ladies who are still smoking hot, just in a different way than a 20-something. And there's plenty of ladies in their mid 30's who won't blink at a ten+ age difference.

If all you're looking for is a young hottie to bang before moving on to the next young hottie, good luck. As you're finding out, that's not an easy task at your age. And as you said, it's a lot of work finding women willing to put out and be strung along until they realize you are not going to commit.

You seem to be only interested in finding out how to get younger women in bed. You might be better off heading over to a PUA site, but if you're really interested in making a change in your life, you're going to have to start changing how you look at women. Good luck, amigo.

 

[Gunner]

Thanks Workman. Your message got me thinking I should work on trying to deal with not chasing/desiring young women and just either live a life without female companionship or learn to enjoy someone around my age. There just is not enough young women desiring a man of my age and so the search for the few is just too frustrating, expensive, and time consuming. I just got to be strong enough to have the willpower to not have the virtual young girl a few clicks away on my computer.

 

[rider654321]

Thanks Workman. Your message got me thinking I should work on trying to deal with not chasing/desiring young women and just either live a life without female companionship or learn to enjoy someone around my age. There just is not enough young women desiring a man of my age and so the search for the few is just too frustrating, expensive, and time consuming. I just got to be strong enough to have the willpower to not have the virtual young girl a few clicks away on my computer.

Hey Gunner,

The sad part to your story is that while your chasing this unrealistic fantasy women/relationship, your actually missing out on so much of the truly great and enriching things that life has to offer.

Some of the greatest moments I have shared with my wife and prior SO's in my life have not been sexual moments. The simple fact that your jumping from one, as you describe it, "boring sexual relationship" to the next is proof in itself that that kind of life has been unfulfilling for you.

There is so much more to a truly great relationship than just the hot passionate novelty sex. Though I agree it's important to have a sexual connection with your wive, gf or SO, your views on women and sex have been so distorted by your porn use that your missing out on so much of what life has to offer.

The really odd part is that in your mind the really hot girls are the ones in their 20's with slender bikini bodies. The absolute best sex I have ever had was when I was in my late 20's and single. I had a brief but incredibly passionate affair with a married women in her late 40's who was a little overweight and not what society would judge as all that attractive.

I call say with all certainty that a woman that only has youth and good looks is no where near as exciting as woman who has confidence in the bedroom.

I'd encourage you to expand your thoughts on what constitutes a good relationship.     

 

[Gunner]

Can't I say I want it all? Young, fit, beautiful and incredible in bed? I have had unattractive women that were incredible in bed and I have had hot women that are as exciting as a doorknob in bed. And I have had all sorts in between. So I want it all. Porn satisfies that desire from within my head. The real world does not seem to be under my control to meet my needs. Porn is under my control...I can easily click from one girl to another and get what I want right now and as often as I want.

Maybe that is the problem...I need to get the real world under my control since now that I got the abstinence from M, MO, and PMO under control. This is the much harder path and almost 120 days in this journey, it is one that is getting harder all the time.

 

[rider654321]

Hi Gunner,
I think immersing yourself more in the "real world" will in the long run do you a whole lot of good.

 

[Gunner]

Going to be 5 months soon and no masturbation. I told one of my gf I had stopped since July and she was genuinely impressed . Although I have creeped back into watching a little porn to see what it does to me and....it did nothing. It wasn't even that interesting. I had no desire to PMO or touch myself or anything. I used to think if I watched porn I better get turned on or else I lost it, but that is not the case anymore.
I still feel scared about not taking any Cialis before an encounter. I guess I need to find the right girl to try it with, but it is more than the embarrassment. I am scared I just can't get hard even when off PMO...

 

[Gunner]

Okay, so I have slipped back into porn watching and masturbation but no orgasm. I am not sure how this happened, but I think it is because of boredom. I am bored with the women I am having sex with. I am tired of trying to pursue new women. I miss the fantasy of perfect young girls a mouse click away and at my control. So I started watching, then getting aroused, then touching myself and continuing. I would always stop before orgasm though. So I still have some willpower left... I am not sure what to do now. I am going to try to fight it and go back to no porn watching. But it is very tempting to  give up the female pursuit and just stick to PMO...it is so much easier and very pleasurable.

 

[Poker]

Hi Gunner..... Not sure if you're familiar with my journal or story.....  but PMO in my life just ended a 20 year marriage.  The last time my wife and had sex was in mid July, and now she's gone and started dating again.

So, I have found myself alone on this journey too.  I eventually want to be in a healthy relationship with someone I both love and respect.  I'm not looking for a supermodel, but that someone I who makes me happy every time she's around. 

In order for this to happen, I have to fix me.  I have to fix my PMO problem, and in turn my PIED.  I also have to make some adjustments in other area's of my life. I treated my wife like an object in the bedroom.  I need to adjust my attitudes and behaviours or else nothing will change next time around.  It will probable be at least 6 months to a year for me before I ready to date again....  where I can bring a healthy happy me to my next relationship.

I would suggest you need to decide what you really want out of life, and self examine to see what changes you need to make too.....

Hope you find what you're looking for.

Cheers,

p.

 

[Gunner]

Thanks Poker...sorry to hear about your marriage ending as a result of addiction. I can't get a relationship started because of addiction. Although I have many opportunities for it, I just am not interested or bored. I think overstimulation numbs me  but I would not want it any other way.