Hopeful@last said:
Ok here goes. I am never going to get through this without help. I am 52. Masturbating since I have been able to. A little porn here and there until I deployed in 2010 to a remote base. Video porn passed around like candy. Have been solidly PMO hooked since then. Married over 30 yrs. I now have worsening ED and very low T. Getting treatment for the low T but performance not improving until I stopped cold 26 days ago. No PMO for 26 days. I was all kinds of crazy until day 20. Better since then but still very difficult to keep going. Marriage has been rocky. She is not aware of PMO. She is trying to figure out why I am not performing better since T is up. We had sex on day 22 & 23 with the help of some viagra and did ok. She is aware of the viagra. I am feeling better and able to have some willpower I didn?t have before. I did confide in a friend and asked him to be an accountability partner with me. This has been probably the biggest help. Also I have listened to as many rebootnation and similar videos I can(very help/hopeful).
Any suggestions? Is this too early be having sex with my wife? Trying to make it Unrushed, unselfish, meaningful and connected sex. But I don?t want to sabotage my recovery either.
I have some similarities to you.
I'm 57 and married. I have low T.
I'm having the T treated with pellets inserted into my hip. They say that my T numbers are in an acceptable range, but frankly other than the first insertion I haven't felt much different.
Now, on to the recovery.
When I started this journey about 12 weeks ago I was going to try the same thing. Don't tell the wife, and hope for the best. Very quickly I realized that was not going to work. I wanted to be honest with her.
At first she was very upset and mad at me, but she's calmed down a bit and now she's quite understanding and supportive. When we fool around now it's mostly me doing stuff to her. Neither one of us touches my penis....
When I first gave up porn, we did fool around three times and I did MO with her. I thought about this and realized I didn't like that, so I reset the counter and started hardmode. No P, No M, and No O. Period. I think I'm at 54 days now.
I won't watch porn again for the rest of my life, and I won't O again until my porn induced problems (ED/DE) are gone and I can O PIV.
Right now I'm still in a flatline so my emotions are all over the place and I am completely unable to get an erection.
I know that there are two parts to this equation. Re-Booting and Re-Wiring. Sounds like you're doing both.
The advice I've read however recommends a good solid period of time (at least 90 days?) of NO PMO. So I think it's fine to have sex with your wife, but I don't think it's optimal for your recovery to O.
And just on a personal note, it was really, really difficult, but I feel so much better since I shared everything with my wife. Communication is so important, and I didn't want her constantly wondering what the hell was going on...
Best of luck to you brother. Stay strong and achieve your goals!!