2nd time at it

[Whynot]

This is my second time at it now. I am on day 52 after I had relapsed after over 200 days. This time around it?s a little harder for some reason and I don?t know why.  I have urges all the time to go back to porn or even just masturbate. Everywhere I look it?s seems that there?s something that?s sexual going on in my life whether I?m watching TV and a commercial comes on with a woman that looks hot, or I?m at the gym working out and there?s a lady in tight pants, or shopping at the mall and I make I contact with another woman.  it?s just too hard this time around.  52 days without any intimacy whatsoever is very hard, and to make matters worse I?m married and getting no affection there as well due to issues that I have caused in our relationship.  She is aware of my porn problem and is supportive.  I just don?t understand how you guys can go so long without.  I feel that without using the porn now my urges are stronger to use it even though I?m not, not sure if that makes any sense or not?  I guess what I?m trying to say that if I was using porn I wouldn?t be having the urge to want to use it as often as I feel like I need to use it now, still not sure if that makes sense

 

[Numez]

how you relapsed after 200 days?

yeah the first time is easiest but its also easiest to relapse after long first time reboots because you are usually not educated like you are after many relapses. first time i went 240 days, i dont know if i even had urges but being stupid with my reboot i relapsed and now urges are uncontrollable ever since.

for me, your period is the most difficult. around 40-60 days or even maybe more. i never get past 60 days because of urges. i feel like its getting stronger and stronger. i read from reports that many people experience this but eventually after 90 days or so, urges become less intensive and more and more manageable. 52 days is long time, keep going you are close to breaking free from those strong cravings.

 

[EnigmaMan]

I feel you, dog.  I was here last year and went 120 before running off the rails.  Spent the next year trying to go it alone and more or less was stuck in a loop of, "Binge, Swear off porn, Relapse, Repeat".  And you aren't wrong that sex stimuli seems to be everywhere, it is.  They use it to sell everything, sing about it all day long and almost every show or movie has it as the focus or aspect to the plot.  Days gone by it was avoidable, not anymore.  What I did was go thru my music and movie library and trash everything with the slightest hint of sex or even it being discussed.  If we are ever going to be free we have to stop feeding the beast.  Cold turkey.  One thing we have to understand is, there is no going back, no peeking, no resuming the life we use to lead.  From here on we watch different shows, we listen to different music, we tell different jokes, we have to or else we'll just keep ending up back here.  If we play with fire, we will get burned, again and again.

 

[Whynot]

I don?t even know how I relapsed after the 200 days. I believe it was just sexual urges entering my mind. As I said I am married and I try to be intimate with my wife not necessarily sexually but you know stuff like back rubs and cuddling and stuff and all that shit turns me on and I think I just was craving her to reciprocate and she wouldn?t and eventually more or less went elsewhere.
I don?t want to take that path again and I will not take that path again but something needs to give here.

how you relapsed after 200 days?

yeah the first time is easiest but its also easiest to relapse after long first time reboots because you are usually not educated like you are after many relapses. first time i went 240 days, i dont know if i even had urges but being stupid with my reboot i relapsed and now urges are uncontrollable ever since.

for me, your period is the most difficult. around 40-60 days or even maybe more. i never get past 60 days because of urges. i feel like its getting stronger and stronger. i read from reports that many people experience this but eventually after 90 days or so, urges become less intensive and more and more manageable. 52 days is long time, keep going you are close to breaking free from those strong cravings.

 

[Whynot]

I hear you and it makes a lot of sense. But what do I do about the cases when I?m at the gym working out and a nice woman with tight pants on walks by, what do you do then? Also what do you do when you pull up to a red light and you have your window down because it?s nice out and you happen to turn to your right and there?s a beautiful lady in her car with her window down at the red light and you make eye contact with her, she gives a little smile and then what??  The only thing I can think of is going back home and jerking off.  Those things really get to me and turned me on what can I say.  It seems like it?s everywhere, and you can?t escape it.  Sometimes I think to myself was I that bad while I was PMOing? You know what I mean,  I feel like because I haven?t had any intimacy in such a long time that every time I see it I really really want it

I feel you, dog.  I was here last year and went 120 before running off the rails.  Spent the next year trying to go it alone and more or less was stuck in a loop of, "Binge, Swear off porn, Relapse, Repeat".  And you aren't wrong that sex stimuli seems to be everywhere, it is.  They use it to sell everything, sing about it all day long and almost every show or movie has it as the focus or aspect to the plot.  Days gone by it was avoidable, not anymore.  What I did was go thru my music and movie library and trash everything with the slightest hint of sex or even it being discussed.  If we are ever going to be free we have to stop feeding the beast.  Cold turkey.  One thing we have to understand is, there is no going back, no peeking, no resuming the life we use to lead.  From here on we watch different shows, we listen to different music, we tell different jokes, we have to or else we'll just keep ending up back here.  If we play with fire, we will get burned, again and again.

 

[TakeActionNow]

P,
Its may feel like, but its not just about sex.
Its all about your perspective and opinions.

If you are able to see this behavior as habit/addiction you will come to understand better why you are motivated to crave all the things you have mentioned.

The purpose of reboot is not simple stopping lust.
It is to discover and stay true to what is important to you.
If pleasing your cravings and indulgence is important to you, so be it.
But if finding REAL joy, satisfaction, happiness is, then you have to look deeper. You will come to discover that visual stimulation never one to give you real pleasure.
Real pleasure only comes from effort.

 

[EnigmaMan]

I hear you and it makes a lot of sense. But what do I do about the cases when I?m at the gym working out and a nice woman with tight pants on walks by, what do you do then? Also what do you do when you pull up to a red light and you have your window down because it?s nice out and you happen to turn to your right and there?s a beautiful lady in her car with her window down at the red light and you make eye contact with her, she gives a little smile and then what??  The only thing I can think of is going back home and jerking off.  Those things really get to me and turned me on what can I say.  It seems like it?s everywhere, and you can?t escape it.  Sometimes I think to myself was I that bad while I was PMOing? You know what I mean,  I feel like because I haven?t had any intimacy in such a long time that every time I see it I really really want it

In those times where we've desired marital intimacy and for whatever reason it doesn't happen, its easy to want to satisfy those urges and feelings in ways that aren't in keeping with our vows.  What we see stimulates us in one way or another, but we have the power to choose who and what and how we look at things.  I've adopted a policy of, "averting my eyes" so when those times arise where opportunities abound, ie like the gym or the store or where ever, I simply put my eyes on something else.  If we allow ourselves to visually feast on images or people we find stimulating, our brains can't distinguish between imagining lusty thoughts and actually participating, the chemical response in the brain is the same.  I will admit it is difficult not to indulge in a visual flesh feast, especially in public, but we can't dictate how others dress or behave around us, so we must focus on what we can control, us.  I'm a Christian, so my POV is based in scripture, but the science backs up what scripture teaches, that looking at a woman and imagining the wondrous pleasures her flesh could provide and actually following thru are essentially the same from a brain chemistry perspective.  So unless we are being held against our will and forcibly being shown images and acts of sexual indiscretion, we still have the power to look away, if we choose to.  Today's world is(To borrow a "Top Gun" quote), "A target rich environment" and it does require being on our toes to situations where we might see more than we should, if we want to stay on track. 

Lastly as to the lady in traffic, flirting is not a good idea if we want to stay right.  Being friendly is one thing, lingering imaginative thoughts only lead back here for a reboot...  This whole issue is a brain issue and what we feed it.  If we feed our brain the visual junk food of porn and lustful imaginative thoughts it'll just get sick and more rebellious, leaving us to feel out of control and frustrated.  Agree with me, don't agree with me, but the science proves scripture true.  A lot of guys want to be able to run around checking out every lovely lady that crosses their field of vision, but then to somehow still avoid PMO when they find themselves frustrated.  The same way the body needs exercise and proper diet to perform at its best, the brain needs a strict diet and strength training as well.  Up to you what you do.  I myself know exactly what led to my downfall so I've taken steps to eliminate them from my path.  I still had some movies and music around that weren't "porn" but they had nudity, mild intimacy and suggestive language that kept my mind smoldering with sensual thoughts until I found myself frustrated and looking for relief.  I've since deleted, discarded and de-friended all my known stumbling blocks.  Later.

 

[Whynot]

Enigman those are GREAT words and I do agree with you.  You are 100 percent right about the visual going on and you are correct it?s in my hands and it?s my control. I will start looking away now.    But another question arises,  as I am married and we are not intimate right now due to issues I have caused,  am I not supposed to try to be intimate with her, or do I just do nothing?  If I do nothing she may think I?m not interested in her that way,  if I try to be intimate with her with back rubs etc. am I messing around with my reboot on my brain?

 

[Whynot]

  It?s been a while since I?ve been here, about 2months, and I wanted to check in.
I?m at 125 days since my last big relapse.  About a month ago I had O, and nothing since, and I did not use porn so I?m keeping my streak alive.  I have been checking out site etc but no PMO. I feel good that I have gone this long, but I do have my ups and downs.