First post, I'm done with porn

[JB1997]

Hi,  I'm 20 years old, and this is my first post. I found Noah Church's videos on youtube a couple weeks ago, and have since found YBOP, Gabe Deem's videos, and other people's stories since learning about PIED. It's interesting how I had no idea what PIED was, or that it even existed, but I saw a lot of similarities in myself with other peoples' stories, and have since then decided to stop using porn. I knew for a while that I had something in my life that was contributing to my erectile dysfunction when I was around girls, but I always just thought it was performance anxiety. I did the test of masturbating with and without porn, and since then think PIED is the root of my erectile dysfunction that I have had for years. Since then, I have decided to give up porn.

Honestly, I would love to just turn on porn, as I feel after years of using 3-5 times a week, it did just subconsciously become such a stable part of my weekly habits. I also haven't masturbated in the time since I stopped watching porn, and haven't felt any of the positive effects people talk about when they stop watching porn or masturbating. However, I am sure these effects will come sometime within the next few weeks. When I think about porn, it's hard not to just get caught up in the thought and think about going onto my phone and watching a video. It's interesting how I am thinking more about watching the videos as opposed to masturbating. So far, watching porn has been more difficult to abstain from than masturbating. It's also difficult to not fantasize about porn videos or pictures. No masturbating is something I can manage, as is not searching for a video. I feel like even though it's difficult, I can easily control these things and choose not to do them. However, preventing myself from THINKING about the videos I've seen, even if I'm not actively watching them is also difficult.

The "tipping point" to really want to figure out why my ED is happening came from when I had unsuccessful sex with my girlfriend earlier this December. I had successful (and unsuccessful) sex in the past. However, whether it be sex, BJ, or whatever else, my erections (when they did happen) never seemed authentic and effortless. I don't remember the last time I had an effortless, natural erection without fear that I wouldn't get one, or that it would go away. I wonder if I ever had, as I started watching porn when I was maybe 12 or 13. I realized that for so long, I did not have a genuine interest in sex or just being intimate with someone else. A huge thing I realized the past few weeks is that I wanted TO BE ABLE to have sex, or maintain an erection during a BJ, etc. from my partners. The feeling of actually wanting TO HAVE SEX, or keep that erection was a much weaker feeling. I think that is a distinction I did not realize before I stopped watching porn.

A lot of confusion also came from the porn that I escalated into. I never got into watching gangbangs, domination, or violent porn, however I was confused with my sexual orientation for years, and I realize now I think this is from the just wanting to see something new and be shocked with porn. To be honest, I'm still confused with my orientation, but I have seen the videos and research saying that this is a side effect of just watching years of porn. I watched porn for years between a guy and a girl, and eventually moved into lesbian porn, then milf, and some other categories. I have no idea when this switch happened to other genres, but it did, and it confused me (and still does) of how this switch happened when I would view porn. Once I would ejaculate, it would be like I had the feeling of "What was I just watching", and shut off my computer or phone and not want to watch it again. But, in a few days, I would watch it again, and the cycle would repeat.

I believe that I do have PIED, and I am convinced as to the ways watching porn is hurting my libido, confidence, and just overall perception of myself as a person. Again, I'm excited for the effects that not watching porn will have, and that I am finally doing something significant in trying to improve my libido and capability to get an effortless, authentic erection. My main motivation is just to get myself back on track and to discover my sex drive again, as I don't remember what that feels like. I am excited to feel that desire to really want to just be intimate with my girlfriend, or any other partners I may have in the future. The idea of WANTING to have sex, and not just WANTING TO BE ABLE to have sex is something that genuinely excites me, and that is why I am adamant about not watching porn again. It absolutely sucks now, and it is hard not to watch it, but I know that in the long run I will realize porn is something that I do not have a place for in my life, nor do I need in my life to be happy.

 

[JB1997]

Today marks two weeks for me without porn. This is definitely the longest I have ever gone without porn, jerking off, or orgasm. I went to my girlfriend's house last night, and we just had a nice night in bed together. Making out and lots of touching, but nothing that would lead to an orgasm really. My erection felt better when I was with her in bed for an hour or so last night (on and off, but mostly on). It's nice to see and feel that I can get an erection just being with her. I could when I was still watching porn, but it did feel a little more just authentic and not trying to consciously maintain an erection like I felt I had to before I gave up porn. Take away, erections are a little stronger and I felt took a little less effort than in times past.

I still have a strong desire to watch porn, look at pictures or literotica, but I like something Gabe said in one of his videos. He talked about adopting the mindset that porn is not even an option, and you just have to rule it out entirely. I have found myself spending a little longer looking at pictures of girls when they come up on instagram, facebook, snapchat, etc. since I gave up porn, but I try to just put my phone away when I realize I am doing this after a minute or so. I also feel slightly more irritated toward family, but not my girlfriend, and I had trouble sleeping the other night which usually never happens. However, this trouble sleeping was just one night in the past two weeks, so I'm hoping it was just a fluke not related to giving up porn.

 

[malando]

Sounds promising, Josh. Keep up the good work. I think we learn a lot about ourselves through this process - all of it relevant to living a better life.

 

[JB1997]

Malando, Thanks for the reply! I appreciate the support.

So far so good, I have not viewed porn or masturbated since December 18th. It is not as hard to resist the urges as it was the first or second week (now on my third week), however I do find myself sometimes just really wanting to watch porn, specifically still the porn that I had escalated into. It is much harder to resist the urge to just think and get excited about a video or fantasy I have seen, as opposed to resisting picking up a phone and putting on a video. I have said before, it is an actual choice and I think easier to physically not pick up a phone and search a video, but thoughts are so sporadic and spontaneous, that it's difficult to control when they come. And when they do come, I don't always immediately WANT to stop thinking about them because they're exciting, but I know I have to.

 

[JB1997]

Day 17 and still haven't watched any porn, literotica, or pictures. Also no masturbation or orgasm. But I definitely still want to. If anyone could help, how do you limit those thoughts from coming into your head that just make you want to watch porn? Any tricks. It makes sense just focus on other things so you are occupying your mind with something else, but if anyone did have any other advice or tricks on how to limit just the thoughts of watching porn that would be great. Thanks!

 

[coolcat]

Dear JB 1997,

I am very proud of what you have acompilshed. You defintley should not listing to your mind saying that you should mastubate to porn or any other stuff that wastes our time. Because your brain is a custome of using these stuff.I will also find it very sad to see you fall back again.Because you worked to hard to reach so far.
You just have to keep your mind bussy on other things. Keep yourslef bussy. As you had explained in your message .You can go and do sports,( running) ,start taking cold showers. Wich that helps me for know.! It sounds crazy but it helps! Although this is my first or second day.
Or you can read some comics, or make apoinment with your friend to go and visit them or your girlfriend. Or you can even go and do sports with your girlfriend or with your friends.
A nother trick is to try and cam with your girlfirend or friend if you have the urge to watch porn again
Also think about the man you whant to become for yourslef,and the man you whant to become for your girlfriend for the future.
Also think about if you will allow your one child in the future to fall back in his or hers haibits.

Greatings and success

coolcat

P.S Let me know if one of these tricks work or if you disagree with them
I will also like to know your tricks ,beacuse I am knew on this website

 

[JB1997]

Coolcat,

Thanks so much for just the support and the response. You definitely posed a few questions and things to think about in your response, such as who I want to be in the future and eventually for my kids. In my mind, I am trying my best to go hard mode. No masturbation, no porn, no literotica, no intentional searching of pictures, nothing. It's just those thoughts that pop into my head that I can't help, and try to let go from as they come up. I definitely agree exercise, time with my girlfriend, reading, etc. are all great ways to keep my mind occupied. However, I know that it isn't possible to keep my mind fully 100% engaged every second of every day. At some point, those sexual thoughts or urges to watch porn will come up, and I am just trying to limit those. I go back to college January 10th (today is the 6th), so I think that will help in general with just keeping my mind occupied on all my classes, work, and sports as well. If I have the brief thought to watch porn during lets say a basketball game, it instantly just comes and goes because I am so occupied on something else. What seems to be helping me is when I am somewhere and ave the thought to watch porn, and I know I very easily could watch it, it helps me just to bring awareness to why I feel the way I do, think about why I am doing this and what it felt like to not be able to have successful sex with my girlfriend. It helps me to just think "why do I want to watch porn now?", and "will watching it help me with my goals." Obviously, it won't help with my goals, but just saying that to myself and asking myself that question has kept me from watching thus far.

I realize you said "I'd find it very sad to see you fall back again." I very very much appreciate that, but I know that will not happen. The thoughts coming up are not exactly helping, but I am done with porn, and done with masturbation to porn as well. I appreciate the support and advice and I hope for nothing but the best for you as well. The support on this forum is helpful but also motivational, so keep checking in with the site if you are new to it. It helps me and gives me a little more motivation when I see the support that people offer both myself and everyone else on the site, knowing we are all in this together.

-Josh

 

[JB1997]

Just another check in. It's almost 4 weeks without porn, and also have not masturbated in that time. Spent a lot of time with my girlfriend this past weekend. Woke up monday morning and we were fooling around in bed for a while, and I felt very hard for a while. It was a good feeling when I was naked ontop of her, and still hard. I felt as though I COULD have had sex then, but did not try. It was a very nice feeling just naked and in bed with her, and I did not want to ruin it if we did have unsuccessful sex. A lot of the times, it seems like when I put on the condom that is when my boner just goes all the way down. I have had several orgasms since starting this journey on December 18th. None of them were from porn or masturabtion, all were from BJs from my girlfriend. I found that with her this past weekend, I hardly even thought about porn. The overall amount I am thinking about porn seems to be going down, but I am certainly still thinking about it. I feel good about my progress so far, and the progress even in these first few weeks is encouragement enough to continue on with the journey.

 

[JB1997]

It's been a little over 4 weeks and so far I haven't viewed porn. I am also thinking about it less now that I am back in school, and both my body and brain are occupied with many other things. I mentioned the idea of PIED to my counselor that I met with yesterday, and she was familiar with the idea, just not the term "PIED" itself. However, she was aware of the concepts of sensitization and desensitization and the ways in which porn and sex are related to that. My counselor was very receptive, and at the very least said that it could definitely be a "major contributing factor," but it's possible porn isn't the WHOLE problem, which I agree with. Everything is going well though, and it's nice not thinking about porn as much as I was earlier on when I first started this journey. This is the way, and I'm still committed.

 

[JB1997]

It's been a really tough week. Haven't viewed porn, but am currently having relationship issues. I told my counselor about PIED last week, and it was interesting that she knew and understood that porn could lead to issues with ejaculation, getting, and maintaining an erection. However, she just had never heard of the term "PIED". It was nice to hear that she was aware of problems people may have from watching porn. She advised that I try masturbating again after a month of no masturbating, so I did once last week. It worked, and I was able to get hard WITHOUT PORN. Definitely a very nice step and thing to see. Also, just to try it, I tried masturbating with a condom, as I know that I will be wearing one when it does come time to have sex with my girlfriend. Was very very happy that it worked, and even though it wasn't a completely effortless erection or 100% rock hard, it was very noticeable improvement.

We also discussed the idea that porn may very well not be the WHOLE issue. I am convinced that it is at least a major component, and she believes that it is as well. We are exploring the idea that there may certainly be nerves and anxiousness associated with just sexual acts with my girlfriend. I felt as though there was a comfort in just saying "I HAVE PIED.", diagnosing myself with it, then just doing what I can to refrain from porn and put my focus towards other tasks. However, I think it is important to realize there might be more things contributing to the ED than porn.

Today marks 5 weeks since I gave up porn. I'm not going to go back to it. I do feel like the past few days I have been very agitated. Much of it is due to miscommunication or issues with my girlfriend the past few days, but I just feel more agitated, and like I have a short fuse. I just felt like the past few days I was a real asshole to my girlfriend, and she by no means deserves that. I apologized, and she forgave me, but still, I really don't like the idea that it happened and I don't want to be agitated about little things in the future that are not her fault at all.

My mood now besides agitated is just overall not 100%. Not a big a sense of humor, not as motivated to be active, I feel like I'm not laughing as much as usual. I just do not feel 100%. I feel down, and impatient and just want to be able to have sex with my girlfriend and be myself again. I don't like that she really really wants to have sex and be intimate with me, but I can not have sex with her now. It really does hurt, and I just want to be 100% so I can be with her in that way. Despite the frustration, I know relapse and porn is the worst thing that could happen now. And honestly, I have hardly any desire to watch porn despite being in this mood. I feel like I am getting used to not having it. I wonder how many times I might have felt like this in the past, but just had porn to dull the feelings? I'm still going strong, just impatient, but I know this is the right course of action and I'm committed.

 

[JB1997]

Really not a great week, and had a tough day yesterday. My girlfriend and I talked about taking a break for a little while. I think it's something that might be for the best, but something that is hard for me to wrap my head around. She's incredible, and I really want to date her, and my biggest fear is that this break becomes something permanent. The issues that we have in our relationship stem directly from my inability to perform in a bedroom, even though I am seeing improvements with maintaining an erection, waking up with an erection, and viewing girls as actually attractive as opposed to just objectively thinking "that is a good looking person."

I am trying to see this as something positive, and maybe now I can focus on myself for a little while without the anxiousness and nervousness of performing, and wondering where I am in terms of my abstaining from porn and masturbation. There is a certain comfort in being able to just focus on me for a little while and not fear failure when performing because I will not be with her in bed for a little while. I don't know how long that little while is, but I hope it is not for a long period of time. I'm scared that this break will be for a long time, and I'm incredibly scared that it might not end. One thing I know is that I want to date her, and that she makes me very happy. I'm angry at the idea that porn caused my ED, or at least had a huge role in it.  I have never been more determined to get back to my self (I don't even remember what that feels like), and to just be able to have sex and satisfy my girlfriend.

 

[zander13]

Good luck man. I can totally relate to the idea of objectively thinking that girls were hot, but having no bodily desire to pursue them. It's a fucked up way to be if you ask me, I hated it and never want to go back. Sounds like you have the right mindset though. Hating porn makes it that much easier to not look at it again. Pure, unadulterated hate.

 

[JB1997]

Zander13,

It really is hate towards it. I think motivation is one thing, but motivation to not do something that I have enjoyed for years is difficult. But now, I can't stand the thought of even going back and viewing porn because all I want right now is just to get better, and resume a relationship with this girl. She's incredible, absolutely amazing, and I would not get over myself for a very long time if a relationship ended because of issues in the bedroom. I still feel like I'm progressing, but I still have a long ways to go. Thanks for the support though, I appreciate it.

I'm wondering Zander, did that idea of viewing girls as objectively attractive shift for you, and become more of a bodily desire to pursue them? Are you having or have you had improvement with that in the past?  If so, how long did that take you until you viewed girls as desirable and were attracted to them, as opposed to just viewing them as objectively good looking.

 

[zander13]

I got to that point on my long reboot (somewhere past 200 days), and was with the depression going on simultaneously, so there is definitely a lot of hope man. Nowadays I feel the bodily attraction about 3 days a week. The other days I do get a boner or two at night and in the morning, but I can feel a certain heaviness in my brain that let's me know that my brain is in "porn mode". But yeah, it'll come back man, though I know how scary it is when it isn't there for an extended period of time. I'd get freaked out that I was one of those "super bad cases" that takes like years and years just to see an erection. But truthfully, I don't think you're one of those cases and neither am I. 3-5 days a week isn't bad man, I mean it is bad, any porn is bad, but 3-5 days a week wouldn't put you in the "severe case" category. See where you're at when you hit 90 days (I know it's an arbitrary number, but it still serves as some sort of mile marker). You're gunna feel so good when a random burst of libido dude, I want to hear about it when it does happen. It'll feel like the world is opening up again.

One more thing. The fact that you're this aware of yourself and porn's negative effects on you is very encouraging man. You're in a great spot. The more you know about the scientific aspects of this problem the better off you'll be. Try reading "The Brain That Changes Itself" too, a book that was recommended by Gabe Deem that also helped me a lot as well. It kind of takes the mysticism out of the addiction. But yeah, you're 20 years old. I'm jealous. You get this thing taken care of and you'll have all of your 20's to have a rockin good time with life. Hope this doesn't sound weird, but I'm proud of you.

Convoluted response I know, but I love it when people are beating this thing. If you ever need anything or advice, etc. just let me know. I'd be open to any form of communication. If anything, my years of failure has allowed me to be very informed of all the nooks and crannies of this addiction.

 

[JB1997]

Zander13,

That post really just meant a lot to me. I haven't really had a flatline or anything yet. Had a few times where everything didn't exactly work, but not so much a flatline. It was nice to just hear the reassurance that being 20, and that 3-5 times a week isn't a trememndous amount doesn't put me exactly in a severe category. I will definitely let you know when I hit 90 days, and also other days after that. That spike in libido will be amazing, I can't wait. I actually already own that book "The brain that changes itself", by Norman Doige. I read the first couple chapters, and I will be sure to continue on with the book as well. I am definitely beating this thing, and after today (Wednesday January 24th), I have never in my life been more motivated to do something. I am going to beat this thing, and I will be sure to open up and reach out for any advice. I greatly appreciate you offering your help, thank you!

 

[JB1997]

Day 38. I'm working on refocusing my mind and really trying to focus on these other things that I think will help with this journey, as opposed to just not watching porn. I will start meditating much more frequently, cold showers, trying to get better sleep and really trying to tighten my diet to even better than it currently is. Also, going to the gym 3 times I week (I have to now, because that's my on-campus job). I realize that I am not doing everything I can to help myself get through this, and I want to. So, this is day 38, and I'm proud I made it this far, but I feel like now I really need to control more of the things I can that will help me on this journey.

 

[JB1997]

40 days! Making progress. Been a weird, heavy week just in terms of things with my relationship with my girlfriend. I don't fully know how to distinguish what might be stress or sadness about that, as opposed to feeling down due to withdrawal symptoms. I feel like I may be going into a flatline soon, but I know it has to happen eventually so hey, why not bring it on now! I've never been more focused to get through this. I started adding two things into my daily habbits. I don't check my phone the first 30 minutes of the day, and I started taking cold showers. I got sold on the idea of cold showers when I watched a Tedx talk, and then several more youtube videos on all the potential benefits.

Another cool thing that happened today was I told my friend about what I was going through (not in crazy detail), but I did just cover the idea that I believed porn was hurting my sex life and relationship with my girlfriend, so I gave up porn and masturbation. He couldn't believe when I said I've gone 40 days without it, but he was excited just at the idea that I did and interested in the effects porn might have. I don't know if he will give up porn, but he seemed to be very interested and wanting to know more about it, and the potential effects made a lot of sense to him he said. Regardless of the effects my talking about what I was going through had on him, that was the first time I told one of "my boys", about all of this. I felt comfortable talking about it, and it was interesting to see him to interested in it too. Take away, TALK ABOUT IT WITH OTHERS. I wish someone had told me about the negative effects of porn BEFORE I couldn't stay with my partner. Be comfortable telling someone about the potential issues associated with porn, and it might save them a lot of problems in the future. Honestly, it felt really nice just being open with my friend about everything I'm doing now.

Does anyone have an idea when flatlines typically hit? Also are there any "early signs" for knowing when it will hit before the full effects begin. Thanks guys!

 

[Rise Against]

Hey man,

40 days man!!!! Thats really an awesome achievement and absolutely something to be very proud off!! I'm currently 10 days clean and I have no  idea when flatline hits. It really differs from person to person I think. But I believe you shouldn't wait until the flatline hits. When it hits it hits and you might as well enjoy it. I live from day to day and enjoy all the pain that comes along with this reboot. I also saw that you are meditating which I think is an absolute relieve. You can also try to combine it with some 'Natural Grounding'. And reading books in your free time is also an awesome form of meditation (for me at least). I also absolutely agree with you to talk about this kind of subjects with someone.

Regarding the whole situation with your girlfriend, I was watching breaking bad the other day and I found a lesson which might be encouraging. Sometimes you get dealt a shit hand but the real art is to turn that shit hand into a full house, a three of a kind, or even a royal flush. So yeah sometimes shit is tough but its about how you deal with it and turn the situation around. And I'm 100% sure you can turn that shitty situation in something you can learn from!

I wish you the best of luck and strength and you'll succeed no matter what!!

FOR GLORRYYYYYYYY!

 

[JB1997]

Day 41,

Rise Against, thanks for the post man and the support. Congrats on 10 days, that's something to be proud of too! At the time when I was 10 days free, I remember it being difficult because that's right around the longest amount of time I had ever gone without watching porn/masturbating. Keep it up!

Today so far has been a pretty good day. Woke up kind of half hard. It's been more difficult than usual getting out of bed in the mornings, and I am definitely sleeping longer. Been having some pretty crazy dreams lately that aren't even sexual, just a lot sort of going on in them. I'm still not getting any random boners throughout the day, or full hard-ons in the morning when I wake up, but that's okay, I still am feeling good. Took another cold shower today, that's day 3 of doing that and let me tell you, it sucks getting in the shower knowing it's going to be cold and uncomfortable. But, that's one of the main points of cold shower therapy. Doing something that is going to suck, is totally out of a comfort zone, but has a lot of benefits....sounds like something we are all doing here on these forums. It stinks, but its actually really nice after I get out and I feel wide awake after. I should be able to comment on more of the positive effects after I've been taking them for a longer period of time. 

 

[JB1997]

I stopped keeping track of days. Last Saturday, I was able to have successful sex for the first time with my girlfriend. I have sex several times since. Whether it be with BJs or sex, I still sometimes am nervous about being able to maintain my erection, but this has gotten easier in the past several weeks to keep an erection regardless of what we are doing. Not going to lie, I did masturbate a couple times once I had sex the first time, my libido is definitely improving. I didn't use porn or any artificial stimulation at all, but was able to masturbate successfully each of the 3 or 4 times I tried.

Honestly, I was not expecting to have sex on the day that I did. When I was with my girlfriend, I just felt really really good in the moment and decided to just "go for it", for lack of better terminology, and it worked. And it's worked ever since, and gotten easier every time over the last 8 or 9 days. I was waiting to hit the flatline, but to be honest I don't think I ever really did OR maybe I just havent hit it yet despite this progress. I went through a few days of just headaches and feeling agitated, but that was only for a few days. It definitely was not a flatline like I have heard hits some people.

I did want to write this story just to get another success story out there. During this journey, I started journaling, meditating, and exercising frequently and of course, did not use any artificial stimulation. Besides the obvious no porn, I think just having something to keep your mind on is huge, and another person on the journey with you also helps I think, but at times it was certainly a lot of added stress just with her wondering "will today be the day we have sex, etc.". Even since I first had sex, I feel like I am still having an improvement in libido and erection quality. I will continue to post with any positive effects, but probably not as frequently as I was before. I  think a lot of things helped with the improvement that I have felt these last couple months, and even with successful in having sex, I have absolutely no desire to go back to porn or pictures, etc. I want to keep helping others with their journey and encourage them as well throughout this process. For those who are frustrated, skeptical, doubting if they can continue without porn, just keep trying and keep committing to no porn. IT WORKS, and it is worth it.