Hi people. I started a journal on here a while ago and gave up after failing to get anywhere. Anyway trying again now. Has to stop it's affecting all elements of my life in some way taking up so much of my head. I'm lucky enough to have a girl that I love and quite often find myself waiting to watch porn when she leaves. Have the real thing in front of me and I'm thinking about porn. Escalating fetishises and stuff leaving me feeling shit about myself. Damaging self respect. Damaging my work by distracting me. Has to stop! But can't do it alone. Thanks for making this forum. Good luck everyone. Those who have considerable time behind them - well done and thanks for some inspiration. Can't believe how difficult this is to get rid off!
Gave up on giving up for a while - starting again today!
- Thread starter Ap26
- Start date
Hey thanks. Yeah I have spoken to her about it a bit, we are both in recovery from other addictions so its quite easy to talk about this sort of thing and she does understand.
Problem is that I always play it down and say its fine when its probably not you know!
Brain fog and lack of concentration at work are grim. Just reading that article one of the guys said something I sadly am relating to that on some level this girl I love is just like another tool. But I cant voice that to her!
Have not PMO for three days but have been looking at boarder line images with Face book and stuff which is just making it worse.
Anyway thanks again for replying and I am gonna bite the bullet and speak to her about it tonight
Problem is that I always play it down and say its fine when its probably not you know!
Brain fog and lack of concentration at work are grim. Just reading that article one of the guys said something I sadly am relating to that on some level this girl I love is just like another tool. But I cant voice that to her!
Have not PMO for three days but have been looking at boarder line images with Face book and stuff which is just making it worse.
Anyway thanks again for replying and I am gonna bite the bullet and speak to her about it tonight
So day four without PMO but its not exactly clean because did view porn briefly and then realised what I was doing and put it down. Am struggling with it though as after putting down porn I am transferring this stuff to sex with my girlfriend and I don't want to be treating her like that. It is a day at a time and I know this will be worth it. Just don't like not feeling like myself.
Also did speak to my girl about it last night. She was like ahh its fine just do it. Which didn't help had to point out that its not fine as its fucking up my head. Anyway at least she knows. Couldn't sleep last night either woke up a 2am - think after reading some other peoples stuff that is probably linked to this.
Also did speak to my girl about it last night. She was like ahh its fine just do it. Which didn't help had to point out that its not fine as its fucking up my head. Anyway at least she knows. Couldn't sleep last night either woke up a 2am - think after reading some other peoples stuff that is probably linked to this.
Gotta say for the first time doing this I feel quite confident. All down to reading more about edging - every time I tried to stop I have realised I was really only worrying about the MO and not the P. Actually the addiction part is all the P!
Im not saying I have not been tempted but its a lot easier to stay away from when I realise that ANY form of online activity be it FB or youtube or whatever is going to lead the same way. The only way to stay away from this for me is to avoid that top of the slop because once your on it you slide back down pretty quick - in fact in a way the slide is the worst but, either do it and avoid everything, or don't do it all. Half way house is just shit! Computer for work and that's it
feeling pretty hopeful. A day at a time though.
Im not saying I have not been tempted but its a lot easier to stay away from when I realise that ANY form of online activity be it FB or youtube or whatever is going to lead the same way. The only way to stay away from this for me is to avoid that top of the slop because once your on it you slide back down pretty quick - in fact in a way the slide is the worst but, either do it and avoid everything, or don't do it all. Half way house is just shit! Computer for work and that's it
feeling pretty hopeful. A day at a time though.
Vincent
Active Member
hi dude,
i'm wearing the same pair of shoes as you do....
So I know exactly what this is like. I had one year of no-sex-PIED with my GF and it al went really down on my self respect - which is recovering greatly now.
not having any sex drive is the common way to go after leaving porn behind, so don't worry.
What about porn blockers? using any? could make things easier.
Also, talk to you GF about it. Since you are together, you should share this problem, unless you told her that you don'T watch porn -> would only reveal another problem for your relationship......
The withdrawal symptoms on you seem to be pretty harsh so I suggest you try to compensate the time gap with sports, meditation, a good book or some funny series.
and do not kill yourself over relapses - part of the process, if you use them to learn about your way of addiction.
i'm wearing the same pair of shoes as you do....
So I know exactly what this is like. I had one year of no-sex-PIED with my GF and it al went really down on my self respect - which is recovering greatly now.
not having any sex drive is the common way to go after leaving porn behind, so don't worry.
What about porn blockers? using any? could make things easier.
Also, talk to you GF about it. Since you are together, you should share this problem, unless you told her that you don'T watch porn -> would only reveal another problem for your relationship......
The withdrawal symptoms on you seem to be pretty harsh so I suggest you try to compensate the time gap with sports, meditation, a good book or some funny series.
and do not kill yourself over relapses - part of the process, if you use them to learn about your way of addiction.
hi Vincent,
Thanks fro replying mate. Yeah you know what it has actually got a bit easier but I am struggling with the reduced intest in real sex, I mean at the end of the day one of that main reason I want to stop PMO is to get more interested in real sex! But I am willing to go through this bit and other peoples stories really help I know I will get out the other side eventually.
I am not using any p blockers I have tried them but I actually just end up seeing what I can get past them which is generally quite a lot! Started my day with mediation to day though which is really helping.
And you know although sex drive has dropped I do feel a bit more peaceful and I even think my skin has improved (don't know if that is related but for some reason I get a feeling spots and PMO are related) generally feeling better in every area other than sex just now. I suppose that is to be expected and patience is the key. Does seem like ages now no even a week!
Have still be fantising a bit and I noticed your tracker is for no MO without girlfriend - that I have to say I haven't done - but I may start that as well. For now Im mainly concerned with the artificial stimulation - but I think I a m maybe kidding myself thinking somehow MO is going to raise sex drive.
Anyway thanks again for reply!
Thanks fro replying mate. Yeah you know what it has actually got a bit easier but I am struggling with the reduced intest in real sex, I mean at the end of the day one of that main reason I want to stop PMO is to get more interested in real sex! But I am willing to go through this bit and other peoples stories really help I know I will get out the other side eventually.
I am not using any p blockers I have tried them but I actually just end up seeing what I can get past them which is generally quite a lot! Started my day with mediation to day though which is really helping.
And you know although sex drive has dropped I do feel a bit more peaceful and I even think my skin has improved (don't know if that is related but for some reason I get a feeling spots and PMO are related) generally feeling better in every area other than sex just now. I suppose that is to be expected and patience is the key. Does seem like ages now
no even a week!Have still be fantising a bit and I noticed your tracker is for no MO without girlfriend - that I have to say I haven't done - but I may start that as well. For now Im mainly concerned with the artificial stimulation - but I think I a m maybe kidding myself thinking somehow MO is going to raise sex drive.
Anyway thanks again for reply!
Vincent
Active Member
Hi, good approach.
To be honest, I don't think that MO really creates sex drive. When I tried in a low, without any visual stimulation, it did not get hard.....
What you can do with MO alone is rewiring yourself to very tender, slow and long selfsex which helps you to get away from the Orgasm seeking masturbation style of PMO.
Other than that: try Open DNS with a Password that you create with a random password-generator and then only write down once, put it in an envelope and close it (you also can give it to a friend). There was no possibility for me to get around that.... 8)
And I got around K9
all the best,
Vincent
To be honest, I don't think that MO really creates sex drive. When I tried in a low, without any visual stimulation, it did not get hard.....
What you can do with MO alone is rewiring yourself to very tender, slow and long selfsex which helps you to get away from the Orgasm seeking masturbation style of PMO.
Other than that: try Open DNS with a Password that you create with a random password-generator and then only write down once, put it in an envelope and close it (you also can give it to a friend). There was no possibility for me to get around that.... 8)
And I got around K9
all the best,
Vincent
Open DNS? How do I do that? Just relapsed again and u keno I knew it was gonna happen but starts off with something innocent like FB see a not even sexual picture and it starts something off. Just realising now though that just because u don't act on it then it's already started off that though pattern. By the Time got home from work I was like - fuck this it's definitley a good plan to look a p! Now familiar sense of guilt and remorse!
This is really pretty hard! But I suppose it's about learning from this not feeling shit about it eh.
This is really pretty hard! But I suppose it's about learning from this not feeling shit about it eh.
Vincent
Active Member
hey, don't be to harsh on that. You still are motivated, I bet. Perhaps more than ever.
I feel also strange after a relapse - like I really cannot do it. And before I relapse I purposefully "miss" the opportunity to stop myself. It is more like I want it and don't stop myself although I know what is coming.
Open DNS works like this:
http://www.opendns.com/
you either use the "home" Version of web filtering or you take the DNS on to your router. I use both. You can customize it with the home filtering however. this at least helps to block the streaming sites and many pictures. there will always be some other possibilities to find porn, this however helps a lot to stop you from the easy stuff.
I feel also strange after a relapse - like I really cannot do it. And before I relapse I purposefully "miss" the opportunity to stop myself. It is more like I want it and don't stop myself although I know what is coming.
Open DNS works like this:
http://www.opendns.com/
you either use the "home" Version of web filtering or you take the DNS on to your router. I use both. You can customize it with the home filtering however. this at least helps to block the streaming sites and many pictures. there will always be some other possibilities to find porn, this however helps a lot to stop you from the easy stuff.
Hello Ap,
Have you read up properly on PMO-addiction? Do you have your motives for quitting clear in your mind? Are you finding other activities? Sitting at the computer a lot could be dangerous.
I use AdBlock for my browser and it stops all those ads with pictures you know will appear while surfing around. It has helped me a ton.
You have to go through the storm like a mighty ship, until it clears its gonna be a little rocky and uncomfortable. If you are serious about quitting, there is plenty of help to be found here from all your fellow rebooters, but also from www.yourbrainonporn.com in case you missed that one.
Peace
Have you read up properly on PMO-addiction? Do you have your motives for quitting clear in your mind? Are you finding other activities? Sitting at the computer a lot could be dangerous.
I use AdBlock for my browser and it stops all those ads with pictures you know will appear while surfing around. It has helped me a ton.
You have to go through the storm like a mighty ship, until it clears its gonna be a little rocky and uncomfortable. If you are serious about quitting, there is plenty of help to be found here from all your fellow rebooters, but also from www.yourbrainonporn.com in case you missed that one.
Peace
hey thanks Seti,
155 days! Nice one mate im struggling to get past 7. I have read the stuff on ybop but you are right I should get my motives clear.
What I have realised is how much of a lie it is to tell myself after week or so that ill just do it once and then get back on recovery! It just doesn't work like that, never really know how long it will take to get back on the path. Anyway here I go again - at least I can feel like I have learned something
155 days! Nice one mate im struggling to get past 7. I have read the stuff on ybop but you are right I should get my motives clear.
What I have realised is how much of a lie it is to tell myself after week or so that ill just do it once and then get back on recovery! It just doesn't work like that, never really know how long it will take to get back on the path. Anyway here I go again - at least I can feel like I have learned something
So here I go again I am embarrassed to still be writing this but I am so sick of this feeling.
I realise that this is connected to emotion had a stressful day so instantly I ma like - porn will fix this. Just incapable of fast forwarding to this feeling now.
Was suggested to look at my goals/reasons for quitting PMO. In a way i think that one of my problems is that whilst the sham and guilt around fetishes and stuff is bad - the PIED is not bad. Although it is getting worse - without being too graphic - I can get hard but not nearly as hard as whilst watching porn. I do still have sex on a daily basis as living with my girlfriend. Whilst that is great and I know that if i was incapable of having sex I would be approaching this with a lot more dedication. The paradox is - one of my biggest concerns is this PIED getting worse but I don't seem to be able to muster the determination until it does get worse.
Anyway I dunno if anyone is still gonna read this - I'm getting bored of writing about relapse so must be boring reading it. But hey I do have hope and I suppose its all lessons. I just hope i don't have to wait until PIED is bad enough that I can't have sex before I take this seriously.
Wish everyone well on their journeys
I realise that this is connected to emotion had a stressful day so instantly I ma like - porn will fix this. Just incapable of fast forwarding to this feeling now.
Was suggested to look at my goals/reasons for quitting PMO. In a way i think that one of my problems is that whilst the sham and guilt around fetishes and stuff is bad - the PIED is not bad. Although it is getting worse - without being too graphic - I can get hard but not nearly as hard as whilst watching porn. I do still have sex on a daily basis as living with my girlfriend. Whilst that is great and I know that if i was incapable of having sex I would be approaching this with a lot more dedication. The paradox is - one of my biggest concerns is this PIED getting worse but I don't seem to be able to muster the determination until it does get worse.
Anyway I dunno if anyone is still gonna read this - I'm getting bored of writing about relapse so must be boring reading it. But hey I do have hope and I suppose its all lessons. I just hope i don't have to wait until PIED is bad enough that I can't have sex before I take this seriously.
Wish everyone well on their journeys
Being in a relationship is really good as you are countering your P use by being wired to a real woman.
You mention not taking this seriously and to be honest, I don't think thats the problem. The problem is addiction. Why? Because high-speed internet porn is such a big reward for your primitive brain. You have to get your fix, and when you don't get it the brain will punish you with disturbing emotions. It makes sense that you want P when you are stressed because the amount of reinforcement you get from P is almost unparalleled. Like Gary says, you hit the "evolutionary jackpot". Why would your brain back away from that? Its not about the porn in itself, but rather how your brain interprets it. Anyway thats the way I understood it.
I think that the first step of beating an addiction is to acknowledge that its an addiction. The illusion of being in control and thinking "I can quit once I get real ED trouble" is, to my ears, the words of the addicted brain.
You shouldn't take my word for it, but as I said, get informed and check if you are actually addicted to using P. I know I had a hard time accepting this in the beginning. Still to this day, almost 5 months clean, sometimes I still feel like I wasn't really addicted and maybe its not so bad etc. This is where my reading up on the subject really pays off. I know the adverse effects and I have also seen at least some of the light at the end of the tunnel.
Looking back on my life P has been there for many years, and I know where that path leads. It leads to no good. You know, I was also in a relationship and thought everything was great, I still used P but not as much. Then one day, my gf wants to break up and guess what my teddybear was? I had "beaten" PIED while in a relationship and having sex without problems, but it quickly went downhill when I got single, and after a while I noticed I couldn't get hard anymore. And even worse, I wasn't even turned on when I was in bed with a woman. That was a really sad time in my life and it has ruined a lot of my love life from there to now.
I'm not making predictions here, but simply trying to make a point. Addiction to P, coupled with its effects on the brain is really something you should think about. Did you know that P numbs the dopamine receptors in your brain, thus making other things less appealing? Maybe you've seen the video, but its very scary stuff. Its like the brain get *numb*.
Long post here, but I hope its of some help or at least makes you think about it. Catch the shit before it hits the fan.
You mention not taking this seriously and to be honest, I don't think thats the problem. The problem is addiction. Why? Because high-speed internet porn is such a big reward for your primitive brain. You have to get your fix, and when you don't get it the brain will punish you with disturbing emotions. It makes sense that you want P when you are stressed because the amount of reinforcement you get from P is almost unparalleled. Like Gary says, you hit the "evolutionary jackpot". Why would your brain back away from that? Its not about the porn in itself, but rather how your brain interprets it. Anyway thats the way I understood it.
I think that the first step of beating an addiction is to acknowledge that its an addiction. The illusion of being in control and thinking "I can quit once I get real ED trouble" is, to my ears, the words of the addicted brain.
You shouldn't take my word for it, but as I said, get informed and check if you are actually addicted to using P. I know I had a hard time accepting this in the beginning. Still to this day, almost 5 months clean, sometimes I still feel like I wasn't really addicted and maybe its not so bad etc. This is where my reading up on the subject really pays off. I know the adverse effects and I have also seen at least some of the light at the end of the tunnel.
Looking back on my life P has been there for many years, and I know where that path leads. It leads to no good. You know, I was also in a relationship and thought everything was great, I still used P but not as much. Then one day, my gf wants to break up and guess what my teddybear was? I had "beaten" PIED while in a relationship and having sex without problems, but it quickly went downhill when I got single, and after a while I noticed I couldn't get hard anymore. And even worse, I wasn't even turned on when I was in bed with a woman. That was a really sad time in my life and it has ruined a lot of my love life from there to now.
I'm not making predictions here, but simply trying to make a point. Addiction to P, coupled with its effects on the brain is really something you should think about. Did you know that P numbs the dopamine receptors in your brain, thus making other things less appealing? Maybe you've seen the video, but its very scary stuff. Its like the brain get *numb*.
Long post here, but I hope its of some help or at least makes you think about it. Catch the shit before it hits the fan.