I have been with my husband for only 3 1/2 years. It was a 2nd marriage for both of us. Things were great for the first year with our intimacy and sex life. We are both in our mid fifties. After the first year, things took a drastic turn and I assumed it was an affair on his part but then I found it that he was a porn addict and had been for the last 25 years of his life. He didn't admit it, I had to find all the evidence on his computer and confront him. He said that he would give it up immediately and focus on us. It has been 2 years since then and nothing much has changed. We have sex once a week and I have to ask for it or put it on the schedule or he just happily forgets about it. When we have sex, it's quick, no romance, very little foreplay. Even if I dress up in something sexy, he pays very little or no attention and he lays down and closes his eyes for the remaining 10 minutes and then when he's done he wants to immediately get up or fall asleep, no cuddling or closeness.
He swears on a stack of bibles that he's not viewing porn. When I go through his phone, I don't see the usual porn hub or xhamster, etc. but I see Instagram pics, Twitter, tumbler pics, Pinterest, and a lot of pics of celebrities, reality stars, top young models and singers. All of them are basically young girls, 18-25 years old. He's 58 years old. I am 55 years old and I'm in shape and have been told that I'm attractive and I still get hit on. My husband looks at me with the same excitement as looking at a couch. My self esteem at this point is at an all time low, so I'm in therapy.
My question is: Is social media an extension of porn addiction also. Will he ever get any better if he's still looking at pictures of young girls? I have brought it up to him and he brushes it off like it isn't a big deal. Then he tells me that it's because he has low testosterone and isn't interested in sex now.
I feel like this is a bunch of BS on his part and I've said my peace this weekend without accusing him of being on porn. I told him that it really doesn't matter if he is on porn or not on porn. What matters is the way he's treating me, our intimate connection or lack thereof.
I said I will give it some time to improve but I need to see some effort and changes in behavior on his part. Unfortunately, I'm not very hopeful.
He also stated that he could be damaged from long term porn use. If you've supposedly been off porn for 2 years, wouldn't some of the damage go away? It doesn't make sense to me???
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you
He swears on a stack of bibles that he's not viewing porn. When I go through his phone, I don't see the usual porn hub or xhamster, etc. but I see Instagram pics, Twitter, tumbler pics, Pinterest, and a lot of pics of celebrities, reality stars, top young models and singers. All of them are basically young girls, 18-25 years old. He's 58 years old. I am 55 years old and I'm in shape and have been told that I'm attractive and I still get hit on. My husband looks at me with the same excitement as looking at a couch. My self esteem at this point is at an all time low, so I'm in therapy.
My question is: Is social media an extension of porn addiction also. Will he ever get any better if he's still looking at pictures of young girls? I have brought it up to him and he brushes it off like it isn't a big deal. Then he tells me that it's because he has low testosterone and isn't interested in sex now.
I feel like this is a bunch of BS on his part and I've said my peace this weekend without accusing him of being on porn. I told him that it really doesn't matter if he is on porn or not on porn. What matters is the way he's treating me, our intimate connection or lack thereof.
I said I will give it some time to improve but I need to see some effort and changes in behavior on his part. Unfortunately, I'm not very hopeful.
He also stated that he could be damaged from long term porn use. If you've supposedly been off porn for 2 years, wouldn't some of the damage go away? It doesn't make sense to me???
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you