Im just gonna lay it all out -femdom porn

Z

zuti

Member
I was doing good no fapping for 10+ days then I relapsed and the binge has been going for 3 days all of my free time or so. I was commited and able to see how I want to quit all of porn and how it all works but now I just have these fantasies of acting out on femdom stuff and maybe finding a gf on femdom site to roleplay or be her sub or in chastity and not having sex but being humilaited with her and so on. And something in me just doesnt want to give up fully on that now -cant imagine it - cant imagine like normal sex would ever do . Not really interested  as it seems to me . I think this is fully sex,porn obsession and I feel compulsion to binge more. 

Ive read a lot of this forum but I cant find many who mention this kind of stuff - because these fantasies seem fine to me ,normal but of course I know its a lie ... Not sure I believe I will dislike this and giving up seems like throwing away something of value.
 
P

PE30

Well-Known Member
Mate, what's your aim?

I think you're confusing two things: fantasy and addictive / compulsive behaviour.

In terms of the fantasy: I'm not into BDSM at all, but I can't see why someone couldn't be into it as part of a healthy consensual relationship.

In terms of the addictive / compulsive behaviour: it sounds like things are out of control for you at the moment. You're binging your entire free time on porn and MO, and that's feeding into your craving to act out on BDSM fantasy. It needs to stop. There's someone on here who's been PMing their fantasies to one of the female users - if it's you, then you need to stop that behaviour immediately.

So I think you need to untangle this. Reboot properly, stop posting so many fresh threads, take as much control of yourself as you can. If your ultimate aim is to find a partner who is sexually compatible with you, you need to quit the internet fantasies. I'm on day 75 of my reboot and trust me, it's not easy. But I take one day at a time. If I'm able to get through today without relapse, then it follows I'll be able to do the same tomorrow. You managed 10 days before; don't even worry about that. Get to day 1 and take it from there. You can do this.
 
Z

zuti

Member
Thanks . I think Its not about bdsm but about porn fast delivery bdsm causing me to think it would be like that in real life and fullfill me.
Im not PM-ing anyone.
 
J

Jz15

Member
I escalated as soon as 13 years old, starting from feet, to occasionally trans, gay , bestiality or whatever gave me anxiety, novelty and fear. Whatever, sexual or not, it didn't matter. 10 years later, I am currently at day 17 of no PMO. I think it will take more time for us to be healed, I also have some withdrawals other rebooters do not mention much such as anxiety..

Funny thing, when I was watching all this and "should" feel ashamed I was really not, I didn't care that I wasn't socializing, I felt secured, I had my video games, good grades, and at the end of the day, my drug of choice, shameful extreme porn / material.

I guess Its because now I see how much disconnected I've become from the world. I don't have the slightest attraction towards women, I don't have friends because I didn't have the need to invest in friendships, and I am extremely lonely.

I am trying to fix this as much as I can though. Excercising, no fantasies, asking people questions, socializing etc. The only thing I hate and makes me really frustrated is the 0 drive for real girls. There are attractive girls staring at me and I don't have the slightest drive or motivation to look them back. I don't have confidence issues, never had. Somedays though I might get 10 minutes of natural attraction and urge but thats it. I guess I cannot expect instant rewiring after 10 years of porn abuse. Haven't kissed a girl except a prostitute and that because some of my friends had been drying to visit them once.

Just realising how much I've missed from life... How much success, how much health... And now I feel empty inside completely. At this point It doesn't matter how long it will take. I did what I did, I cannot turn the time back, I can only fix what I can right now.
 
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