Do you 'shake' and does your heart beat faster just before a relapse?

[SebUK]

Sorry if this seems like a weird question. I ask because sometimes I wonder if my addiction is worse than others on this board. Basically just before I'm about to have a relapse (which means I've found a hole in all the things I've set up to stop me looking at porn),  my hands will literally begin shaking, my heart will start pumping really fast and I feel a sense of euphoria. I'm sure this is either adrenaline or dopamine or maybe both. It feels so intense I imagine it's like what being pumped full of some kind of drug is.

Once I start the relapse the shaking stops and my heart calms down. It periodically increases again when I find novel or shocking images. Eventually after a few hours I hit diminishing returns and feel f***** awful, as will no doubt be familiar to anyone here.

So - does this match your experience? From what I've read my relapse symptoms might be a bit extreme, so I wonder if I actually need more serious help.

 

[Promise]

I guess it effects us all in different ways.  This is actually an interesting thread, I'd like to know how other people experience the initial dopamine rush when you've decided to cave in.

Personally I feel my body go heavy, and get a head rush.  Then I get a tingling sensation in the roof of my mouth, like I need a drink of water.  Then when I watch, that's when I get a sort of euphoria, like going to the toilet after holding it in for so long.  It's that dopamine rush that causes it.  I feel like my entire body, especially my head is inflating and heating.

 

[fightthefight]

Excellent thread. This was something I noticed when I relapsed a couple of days ago and was very surprised at. In the past when I have looked at P, I have experienced similar rushes but never as intense. I was literally shaking as you said. It was like taking a drug. I think the reason it felt so intense was that I had abstained from watching hardcore stuff for a month and a half prior to this (except a couple of clips 2 weeks previous). I don't know whether it was dopamine or adrenaline or a mix of both. I also had faster heart beats and a euphoric feeling. After I finished, I noticed I had a headache too.

I am assuming that once you have fully recovered for many months, the intensity would dissipate substantially if you did relapse, but that is just speculation (not that I ever want to find out). It would make sense if the intensity (shaking etc) is tied to the stage of the reboot

 

[SebUK]

Excellent thread. This was something I noticed when I relapsed a couple of days ago and was very surprised at. In the past when I have looked at P, I have experienced similar rushes but never as intense. I was literally shaking as you said. It was like taking a drug. I think the reason it felt so intense was that I had abstained from watching hardcore stuff for a month and a half prior to this (except a couple of clips 2 weeks previous). I don't know whether it was dopamine or adrenaline or a mix of both. I also had faster heart beats and a euphoric feeling. After I finished, I noticed I had a headache too.

I am assuming that once you have fully recovered for many months, the intensity would dissipate substantially if you did relapse, but that is just speculation (not that I ever want to find out). It would make sense if the intensity (shaking etc) is tied to the stage of the reboot

That's interesting (and sad) that you get the shakes as well. And I also get a stronger reaction if I abstain for a long time. As I said I went 45 days with no PMO before I relapsed and the effect was really strong. In previous months when my relapses have been closer together the effect isn't as pronounced.

The other thing is I always go straight for the most hardcore stuff. This is really depressing as it's like my brain hasn't reset at all. In contrast when I'm not doing a reboot, and just trying to manage (usually poorly) the addiction, I kind of fluctuate between 'normal' p and the more shocking stuff. Obviously this is just as harmful, but at least I felt like I had some control over what I was looking at. When I abstain and I relapse, it seems I have no control at all.

Thanks for the reply.

 

[SebUK]

I guess it effects us all in different ways.  This is actually an interesting thread, I'd like to know how other people experience the initial dopamine rush when you've decided to cave in.

Personally I feel my body go heavy, and get a head rush.  Then I get a tingling sensation in the roof of my mouth, like I need a drink of water.  Then when I watch, that's when I get a sort of euphoria, like going to the toilet after holding it in for so long.  It's that dopamine rush that causes it.  I feel like my entire body, especially my head is inflating and heating.

My mouth goes dry as well and I basically stop swallowing because I'm so focused on getting my buzz. Just writing this out makes me realise how bizarre and stupid this whole thing is. *sigh*

 

[Promise]

Nah, mate, it's just biology.  Can't be helped.

I've found my gaming and porn addictions have suppressed my appetite in the past.  There have been days where I barely ate a thing.

 

[jnv]

In my case, I do have an increased heart beat (out of excitement) and I do feel some tingling in my brain (followed by a cold sensation in the same region) as well, but no shaking. I think the tingling in the brain has something to do with the rewarding part of the brain or so because I did feel the exact same thing when I achieved somehting really rare in video games.

 

[Username]

No shaking, but I do remember my heart starting to race and thump in my ears. After the first few moments, my heartbeat would slow down and I'd get this completely numb feeling that everything else was unimportant compared to finding that one girl.
I doubt there has ever been another situation that made me feel this way.

 

[Brooklyn Jerry]

The only time I ever felt anything like,that was when I was driving around and about to pick up a hooker off the street.

 

[Dimo77]

Interesting topic!

For me personally, I tend to feel a "tingling" sensation in my arms and chest (granted, that may sound a tad weird) but this is the feeling as a result of the first initial exposure to an explicit image right before a relapse; which I have recently experienced a day ago.

 

[Triptonicmaph]

Sorry if this seems like a weird question. I ask because sometimes I wonder if my addiction is worse than others on this board. Basically just before I'm about to have a relapse (which means I've found a hole in all the things I've set up to stop me looking at porn),  my hands will literally begin shaking, my heart will start pumping really fast and I feel a sense of euphoria. I'm sure this is either adrenaline or dopamine or maybe both. It feels so intense I imagine it's like what being pumped full of some kind of drug is.

Once I start the relapse the shaking stops and my heart calms down. It periodically increases again when I find novel or shocking images. Eventually after a few hours I hit diminishing returns and feel f***** awful, as will no doubt be familiar to anyone here.



Man you are not alone with this case. I thought I was the only one who felt this way but now you posted this. I felt exactly the way you described above. Felt a little bit of the shaking and family lunch felt that warm euphoric feeling n the brain. It was strong. This is how I felt during my last relapse. Stay strong my friend.
So - does this match your experience? From what I've read my relapse symptoms might be a bit extreme, so I wonder if I actually need more serious help.

 

[DeltaFosAware]

I can only base my experience on previous relapses into PMO. I masturbated last night after several weeks fapp-less and good morning wood again but no porn involved. I thought how your brain still keeps those stored images after virtually years! I found myself fishing out stuff from my really early porn days and my liking for the visual...I'm 56 and must have begun in my late teens....Well before fast Internet!

When I used to relapse into PMO during my first marriage, if I left it ages, I would be physically unable to stop shaking! I too could feel a massive rise in my heart beat! It was a sensation that totally EXCEEDS anything I have EVER had in physical sex with a real partner! My excitement was further heightened by the furtiveness of hiding it from the ex-Wife! It actually felt GOOD knowing when I climaxed I would pretty certainly call her all the names under the Sun. Then I'd be next to her again and feel the normal guilt cycle that made me want to return for a bigger and BETTER hit..?So the old roundabout would go around and around again! I felt like a Hamster on a wheel!

 

[SebUK]

I can only base my experience on previous relapses into PMO. I masturbated last night after several weeks fapp-less and good morning wood again but no porn involved. I thought how your brain still keeps those stored images after virtually years! I found myself fishing out stuff from my really early porn days and my liking for the visual...I'm 56 and must have begun in my late teens....Well before fast Internet!

When I used to relapse into PMO during my first marriage, if I left it ages, I would be physically unable to stop shaking! I too could feel a massive rise in my heart beat! It was a sensation that totally EXCEEDS anything I have EVER had in physical sex with a real partner! My excitement was further heightened by the furtiveness of hiding it from the ex-Wife! It actually felt GOOD knowing when I climaxed I would pretty certainly call her all the names under the Sun. Then I'd be next to her again and feel the normal guilt cycle that made me want to return for a bigger and BETTER hit..?So the old roundabout would go around and around again! I felt like a Hamster on a wheel!

Very similar to my experience, especially the physical aspects and the guilt cycle.

This is also interesting: I had sex with my fianc? on Tuesday and it was amazing. The 'release' was 100x better than the release I get from PMO. After PMO I get a very minor 'O' and then feel awful (obviously). So why do I continue to PMO when sex is so much better?

The obvious reason, which seems to align with the research on this site, is that PMO allows me to experience: euphoria (dopamine?), increased heart beat (adrenaline rush?) before I relapse. Sex doesn't. In fact I've realised that the orgasm after a PMO is hardly necessary for me anymore, it's more a habit than a need. In my last relapse I didn't even orgasm because I was so dark by the end of it I couldn't be bothered. The hit I needed and felt - intensely - came at the beginning. Once that wore off I didn't care anymore.

 

[jnv]

The obvious reason, which seems to align with the research on this site, is that PMO allows me to experience: euphoria (dopamine?), increased heart beat (adrenaline rush?) before I relapse. Sex doesn't. In fact I've realised that the orgasm after a PMO is hardly necessary for me anymore, it's more a habit than a need. In my last relapse I didn't even orgasm because I was so dark by the end of it I couldn't be bothered. The hit I needed and felt - intensely - came at the beginning. Once that wore off I didn't care anymore.

I experienced this during one of my first relapses after a 30ish days streak. I looked at porn, I felt my heart beat increase, goosebump and the tingling in the brain I described as soon as I looked at the content and it lasted for 2-3 minutes. After that I was satisfied and didn't really need to O anymore, I had my dopamine shot already...

 

[a_lovly_boy143]

i have'nt relapsed yet!

 

[Karkula]

Yesterday a certain old P inspired M behaviour crossed my mind and I decided to take action.. And I was shaking like crazy! Don't know about the heart beat. Funny thing was, cause I have mild ED, I wanted to hold off on O before having a full E, however while I was shaking there was no E response, but I was aroused like crazy and close to O the whole time. Shaking finally gone, E kicked in and had an O. Mild ED problems during night / morning with GF, probably because of doing that. I'm so dumb...

 

[persian29]

i get the same symptoms if i even have a thought of Porn or almost looking at a good looking female  can cause it too. i shake, heart beat goes up, i sweat alot (mainly in the armpit region) and i feel anxious.

 

[Mbg]

I had a relapse today and my face started to go numb.  I wasn't looking at P, just fantasizing.  I immediately felt more guilt than I had ever felt before.  I was on day 8 of my reboot, still disappointed.  Feel as though I lost all the progress I had made.

 

[fightthefight]

Hi Mbg, you won't have lost all of the progress you have made. While the goal is complete and lasting freedom from porn, even reducing the amount significantly makes a big difference. Going from watching it or masturbating daily or every few days to once a week is already significant progress. Counting the days can be useful to keep yourself motivated, but sometimes it can be counter-productive (excuse the pun) because it feels like you are back at square one. Have a look at this idea of recording progress on a spreadsheet, as it will show how you are making progress over time.

 

[Mbg]

Thanks fightthefight! I will check out the spreadsheet!  I guess I was being too hard on myself.  Today is another day.  I'm fighting the urges today.  Feeling optimistic.