The slow realization of the depths of objectification.


Respected Member
So my daughter is 8. She is in such a hurry to grow up. I keep trying to encourage her to live in the moment but I know she just loves the idea of being a grown up, lol. I started "needing" to wear a bra when I was 9. She recently asked for a bra. She likes it because it makes her feel more adult but I finally had to have a talk with her about the purpose of a bra and it hit me just how much our culture has made women feel like objects. Bras are designed so that nipples don't stick out of clothes. Nipples are a distraction and cause men to think sexual thoughts so we women need to not allow them to sick out, ya know. Well as a cancer survivor I have done a lot of research. I run an increase risk of breast cancer because my cancer tested positive for estrogen. Bras decrease circulation and increase your risk of breast cancer, not to mention how uncomfortable they are. Plus they make your boobs more saggy, this has been proven. I started talking to my daughter about this and basically encouraged her to not wear one. It makes me sad that helping keep mens minds clear of the thought of nipples is more of a priority than the health and comfort of women. A lot of dress codes are designed so girls aren't a distraction to boys in class. Excuse me! Maybe boys need to have some self control! I am not encouraging girls to dress inappropriately but at some point we have told young girls that they aren't as important as young boys. I just don't agree with that. I am committed to raising my daughter to not feel she has to put aside her needs and comfort for a boy. She matters too! My parents overheard the conversation because they are visiting and the more they thought about it they ended up agreeing. Yes bras are for men. The level of objectification in our culture runs so deep we don't even question it. I know for centuries women have been a commodity but not now, not today.  It just makes me so sad. I actually feel uncomfortable and ashamed when I go out without a bra. God designed my body and I am feeling ashamed of it, so sad, and all because I am worried about being objectified my men. Ridiculous. I am going to work on this.

Sorry for the rant, lol. Any of you ladies experience this? Thoughts?


Yes I also find it odd when my colleagues in their 20s are commenting on women they see without a bra. But you cant ask from teenagers in their 14 buzzling with testosterone not to look at girls that way. It wouldnt be healthy not to feel sexual looking at this. Except if you want to raise monks.

Wearing bra or not is not the problem. Its what the social media projects. When all teens see are video clips of people taking drugs partying and getting laid how do you think they will react ? When they idolize this shallow and silly way of life from such a young age, you think wearing a bra makes a difference ?

If the young kids idolized virtue instead that would be a different story. Even if girls wouldnt wear bras it wouldnt be an issue. Now go tell that to their parents 80% of them are clueless of how to raise a child without getting brainwashed from society because they are brainwashed also. Let alone pornography dangers, objectification and all the rest of it.

Emerald Blue

Well-Known Member
Aquarius, I think your approach to this situation is admirable. Its certainly a lot more difficult to raise kids now than it was 25 years ago when we were still in a print-based visual culture, and the influences of TV were at least subject to regulation and controls. Not so in a hypersexualised digital culture where girls are getting the messages very early on, that being hot, sexy, slim, busty and long-legged is what they should look as they leave childhood behind. These are also the images that become associated with being popular and having fun, so of course its very compelling to try and ?want? to become this beautiful, popular, fun-loving, life-loving young woman.

I doubt very much that an 8 year old actually ?needs? a bra. I feel its wrong that there is any obligation to cover up nipple buds long before the breasts have developed, because as you say, its the first stages of objectifying the body, this need to conceal because boys and men will be distracted or whatever.

As an aside, I only recently learned that there are faith groups which have modest dress codes for women and girls, and some restrict the exposure of the shoulders, not just hemlines and necklines, and that there are women within these faiths who have raised this issue of objectification along the lines that it?s not their duty to police male libido through dressing ?modestly?, that its the men who have to step up and take responsibility for their own behaviour 

You are absolutely correct that bras do nothing to prevent ?sagging? and that going braless is a far better way to go in that respect. Its also true that breasts come in all shapes and sizes, and will change throughout a woman's lifetime. The most perfect breasts are those that provide nourishment and comfort to a newborn, because thats why breasts exist. Yet we live in a culture that sexualised the breasts but is offended by breastfeeding especially in view of others. Many kids growing up never see a baby being breastfed but they will see plenty of ?bikini bodies? in push-up bras.



Respected Member
EB, I agree! Yes at 8 she doesn't need a bra. I found it sad that it is even a want, but in our culture it seems there are lots of things girls are shown through media that they should "want". Heck I even see some women who don't "need" a bra but wear them every day. My point is more that I want her to understand what she is supporting really starting to look at these things that she sees as desires and wants. Look at why they exist and the message behind them. Not to just take it at face value. As she grows, if she really wants to wear a bra (when it is actually needed) and she has made that decision for herself then great! I just want her to never do something just because it is what is done/ expected/ what everyone else is doing. I hope that she does things because she believes in them. Heck I want that for my son as well! One thing my husband and I were just discussing last night was just how much he has been blown away by the subtle ways his mind objectified people. The longer he goes in his healing journey the more transformed he becomes. He was telling me how before his reboot and everything, the idea of looking at an attractive woman and seeing her as beautiful but not in a sexual manner would never have happened. He said he thought it wasn't possible. Now having been some time and healing  he has noticed him seeing more of the whole person and finding beauty in that. He said it was like he was focusing more of the person's soul and spirit. Seeing the smile radiate from them. He wasn't just looking at their boobs or butt first but really seeing whole person. Seeing how some people (men and women) have spunk, or kindness that just comes out of them. He started seeing just how much beauty he had missed just focusing on the physical exteriors. We are Christians and he felt like he was finally seeing people the way that they were created to be seen. He said that he would have never been capable of that before. I was so moved just hearing him describe how much he has changed in not only his thinking but how much he feels! It is amazing how much the world opens up when you start to really grow. I pray that my kids grow up learning to really see people and to see themselves. TO be confident enough in who they are that they don't need the approval of others for their confidence.