TheRealProof
Member
you guy, youve made real progress man. Keep up the good work. Following your progress closely
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Journals to the light.
- Thread starter abetterfuture
- Start date
abetterfuture
Member
DAY 20
Damn it! I have to confess that I gave in for this F*K P star but it wasn't a total relapse on DAY 19. I watched her new movie for like 45 mins in the morning on my tiny mobile phone (computer is locked, tablet is controlled) and I felt confused and numb at the beginning and the feelings later were so complicated. At least the good part was I could feel the fighting was going on while I was watching. One side of my brain was telling me I was heading to a total relapse while the other side was just like forcing me to keep checking until it ended. Then I checked another one and I started to M... I knew I was going to have a total relapse but I stopped there(Now I just felt luck). I remembered to try cold shower cause so many people were talking about it on the web. The curiosity of trying cold shower actually won...... So I tried.. I stopped on the spot and went to work. However, the shit came afterwards was like unbearable!! I almost wanted to open up bowers to watch P at work! The craving lasted the whole day!! F*K! The thought I had at work the whole day was just one - go home asap and open up 20 tabs and finish the whole PMO. Luckily I had something on that night with some friends..... The fire was finally put off....
I watched another nofapper's video which says 'if you climbed up 100 stairs and you fell one, should you keep going down another 99?'
It made me feel a bit better and I guess it stopped me from binging. The feeling after watching P even a little while were crazy. It's like you awake this monster and start running for life. It was insane. I guess it was a lesson learned this time. It was scary! F*K. The rush was like a demon-possessed.
I don't think I will reset my day counter if I do I will probably just binge cause it would be day 0 anyway. I know the journey will be bumpy. Let's wait and see what's coming next.
Damn it! I have to confess that I gave in for this F*K P star but it wasn't a total relapse on DAY 19. I watched her new movie for like 45 mins in the morning on my tiny mobile phone (computer is locked, tablet is controlled) and I felt confused and numb at the beginning and the feelings later were so complicated. At least the good part was I could feel the fighting was going on while I was watching. One side of my brain was telling me I was heading to a total relapse while the other side was just like forcing me to keep checking until it ended. Then I checked another one and I started to M... I knew I was going to have a total relapse but I stopped there(Now I just felt luck). I remembered to try cold shower cause so many people were talking about it on the web. The curiosity of trying cold shower actually won...... So I tried.. I stopped on the spot and went to work. However, the shit came afterwards was like unbearable!! I almost wanted to open up bowers to watch P at work! The craving lasted the whole day!! F*K! The thought I had at work the whole day was just one - go home asap and open up 20 tabs and finish the whole PMO. Luckily I had something on that night with some friends..... The fire was finally put off....
I watched another nofapper's video which says 'if you climbed up 100 stairs and you fell one, should you keep going down another 99?'
It made me feel a bit better and I guess it stopped me from binging. The feeling after watching P even a little while were crazy. It's like you awake this monster and start running for life. It was insane. I guess it was a lesson learned this time. It was scary! F*K. The rush was like a demon-possessed.
I don't think I will reset my day counter if I do I will probably just binge cause it would be day 0 anyway. I know the journey will be bumpy. Let's wait and see what's coming next.
abetterfuture
Member
Day 0
I watched P for 3 hours this morning No O cause didn't want to waste my energy. Damn it! but now I feel like zombie.
I watched P for 3 hours this morning No O cause didn't want to waste my energy. Damn it! but now I feel like zombie.
abetterfuture
Member
Damn, I PMOed after 25 days.. :-X :-\ :-\
Let's start it again.
At least I could analyse how it happened!
Let's start it again.
At least I could analyse how it happened!