bluedevil13
Member
30min after Relapse
I'm back! Not happy to be back, given the circumstances that eventually bring all of us to the forum, but it's a start. I'm coming off two months of a pretty good stretch that included only two full relapses. I started dating my girlfriend at the beginning of those two months, and now we're doing long distance while I'm out of state for the summer. So in case y'all didn't see where this is going, I'm back on here with a lot more external motivation to have a successful reboot.
The last week or so has been trying. I've been dancing on the fringes of relapse - watching P for a few seconds here and there, scrolling through problematic twitter profiles, fantasizing about P when MOing (even though it wasn't super frequent). It was a kind of gradual buildup to the relapse earlier this afternoon, as I had failed to prepare myself to fight through today's temptation. I feel motivated to commit to the reboot, and I don't feel defeated (yet). I want to have a conversation with my girlfriend about my history with P addiction, but I don't know exactly when or how to have that conversation. My hope is to have it soon, but I don't want it to be framed in a reactionary way like "hey I know I did this and I'm sorry but I promise it's gonna get better" without actually taking the time to put supports in place outside the relationship so that this doesn't just become extra baggage for the two of us.
This forum is one of those supports for me. It reminds me why I'm in the fight, why it matters, and that I'm not alone. If I got any Christian brothers on here in the struggle, I appreciate your prayers! If anyone has navigated my situation before and has any helpful tips, I'm open to hearing anything you're willing to share. We aren't sexually active, so PIED isn't an immediate concern for us. But P still creates an emotional barrier and saps my energy in a way that could harm (and may even now be harming) the relationship.
Imma try and be posting daily with updates. I also want to touch base with a couple friends of mine and let them in on where I'm at with the whole thing. I took all social media apps off my phone, so scrolling is becoming less of a problem. I think the next step is actually building new habits, especially in response to urges.
Here's to tomorrow!
I'm back! Not happy to be back, given the circumstances that eventually bring all of us to the forum, but it's a start. I'm coming off two months of a pretty good stretch that included only two full relapses. I started dating my girlfriend at the beginning of those two months, and now we're doing long distance while I'm out of state for the summer. So in case y'all didn't see where this is going, I'm back on here with a lot more external motivation to have a successful reboot.
The last week or so has been trying. I've been dancing on the fringes of relapse - watching P for a few seconds here and there, scrolling through problematic twitter profiles, fantasizing about P when MOing (even though it wasn't super frequent). It was a kind of gradual buildup to the relapse earlier this afternoon, as I had failed to prepare myself to fight through today's temptation. I feel motivated to commit to the reboot, and I don't feel defeated (yet). I want to have a conversation with my girlfriend about my history with P addiction, but I don't know exactly when or how to have that conversation. My hope is to have it soon, but I don't want it to be framed in a reactionary way like "hey I know I did this and I'm sorry but I promise it's gonna get better" without actually taking the time to put supports in place outside the relationship so that this doesn't just become extra baggage for the two of us.
This forum is one of those supports for me. It reminds me why I'm in the fight, why it matters, and that I'm not alone. If I got any Christian brothers on here in the struggle, I appreciate your prayers! If anyone has navigated my situation before and has any helpful tips, I'm open to hearing anything you're willing to share. We aren't sexually active, so PIED isn't an immediate concern for us. But P still creates an emotional barrier and saps my energy in a way that could harm (and may even now be harming) the relationship.
Imma try and be posting daily with updates. I also want to touch base with a couple friends of mine and let them in on where I'm at with the whole thing. I took all social media apps off my phone, so scrolling is becoming less of a problem. I think the next step is actually building new habits, especially in response to urges.
Here's to tomorrow!