Survivor here.
Obviously, because I have not posted anything in about three weeks, I took a time out for reasons I will explain below.
What can I say? Well... it goes something like this. As I've mentioned previously porn has been a regular part of my life since I was about ten or eleven. At the same time I really do like having sex with women. At this time in my life that woman would be my wife. I especially like intercourse, though I admit to also partaking in porn while in relationships, including this one.
However, where am I at right now? A few things. To begin my wife and I used to have an excellent sex life. Very satisfying for me and I believe for her also. Except that about five years ago she lost interest in sex. If I asked her for it she would participate, and always said afterward that she enjoyed it, however, how many times does one ask before one feels kind of like a beggar? So it got to the point where we would have sex once every six to eight weeks. I would like to have sex on a more frequent basis, even once every week and a half or two weeks would be alright. Additionally, she says deep penetration hurts her because her organs are dropping due to aging. So intercourse, which I loved, has now become very frustrating because I cannot climax. Furthermore, as a result of a herniated disc, which had its onset last November, she has been unable to participate in any form of sexual activity except assisting me to masturbate. I get that and am fully sympathetic to her situation right now. She tells me we will return to being sexual again once her back is healed but, frankly, I don't believe her. The issues we were having were in place prior to her back problem. That's the status of my sex life at the moment.
So where am I at with all of this? I have used porn as a means of getting my needs met. From my way of thinking that is not such a bad thing, depending on how often, and how long, I go on porn sites. I've been pretty good actually. Only peeked four or five times in the past three weeks until yesterday when I masturbated to porn because she was away for the night. SO last night was my night to have sex, albeit with myself. But the problem for me is that, besides everything else that is NOT going on with our sex life she does not like me looking at porn. She says it disrespects her. I don't know, I don't feel that way about her but I also feel that it's all her way and that I have to bite the bullet all the time. I don't think that's fair.
So... here is my dilemma. Part of me sees myself as being weak because I am unable to give up having sex entirely. The first thought that comes to mind is "Well, I'm 62 years old, I've had a really good run sexually, and it's time to let go of it and move on to other things." Then this other part of my brain says "Hey! I'm a normal, healthy human being that has a normal, healthy biological urge. I'm not ready to give up being sexual yet. Why should I not honour that?" But the only way I CAN honour that urge is to masturbate to porn. So I'm damned if I do and frustrated if I don't. When I don't look at porn my mind is clearer because I am not carrying secrets but I have no sexual outlet. When I do look at porn my anxiety level goes up because I am fearful of getting caught. AAAAAUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Definitely looking for some feedback here.
Obviously, because I have not posted anything in about three weeks, I took a time out for reasons I will explain below.
What can I say? Well... it goes something like this. As I've mentioned previously porn has been a regular part of my life since I was about ten or eleven. At the same time I really do like having sex with women. At this time in my life that woman would be my wife. I especially like intercourse, though I admit to also partaking in porn while in relationships, including this one.
However, where am I at right now? A few things. To begin my wife and I used to have an excellent sex life. Very satisfying for me and I believe for her also. Except that about five years ago she lost interest in sex. If I asked her for it she would participate, and always said afterward that she enjoyed it, however, how many times does one ask before one feels kind of like a beggar? So it got to the point where we would have sex once every six to eight weeks. I would like to have sex on a more frequent basis, even once every week and a half or two weeks would be alright. Additionally, she says deep penetration hurts her because her organs are dropping due to aging. So intercourse, which I loved, has now become very frustrating because I cannot climax. Furthermore, as a result of a herniated disc, which had its onset last November, she has been unable to participate in any form of sexual activity except assisting me to masturbate. I get that and am fully sympathetic to her situation right now. She tells me we will return to being sexual again once her back is healed but, frankly, I don't believe her. The issues we were having were in place prior to her back problem. That's the status of my sex life at the moment.
So where am I at with all of this? I have used porn as a means of getting my needs met. From my way of thinking that is not such a bad thing, depending on how often, and how long, I go on porn sites. I've been pretty good actually. Only peeked four or five times in the past three weeks until yesterday when I masturbated to porn because she was away for the night. SO last night was my night to have sex, albeit with myself. But the problem for me is that, besides everything else that is NOT going on with our sex life she does not like me looking at porn. She says it disrespects her. I don't know, I don't feel that way about her but I also feel that it's all her way and that I have to bite the bullet all the time. I don't think that's fair.
So... here is my dilemma. Part of me sees myself as being weak because I am unable to give up having sex entirely. The first thought that comes to mind is "Well, I'm 62 years old, I've had a really good run sexually, and it's time to let go of it and move on to other things." Then this other part of my brain says "Hey! I'm a normal, healthy human being that has a normal, healthy biological urge. I'm not ready to give up being sexual yet. Why should I not honour that?" But the only way I CAN honour that urge is to masturbate to porn. So I'm damned if I do and frustrated if I don't. When I don't look at porn my mind is clearer because I am not carrying secrets but I have no sexual outlet. When I do look at porn my anxiety level goes up because I am fearful of getting caught. AAAAAUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Definitely looking for some feedback here.
