The90daywar
Member
I have been trying to quit porn for over a year now. I was using (?the soft mode? if that is a thing) as opposed to the ?hard mode?. I took the P out of PMO and just used YouTube and other TV type things to soothe myself. But this never worked for me. Most times it just led back to PMO, other times it did soothe me for a time but in 7 to 10 days huge cravings to PMO came back. But I kept trying this over and over again.
Now I am going for the ?hard mode?. 11 days in and I am going through the usual depressive periods, major anxiety, panic attracts, sex and porn dreams. They don?t last forever but come and go. The big difference for me with the ?hard mode is this feeling like I don?t know who I am now. I feel numb because I don?t know how to feel or what my true identity is. This all seemed like D?j? vu. And it is!
Over 10 years ago I went into treatment for alcohol and drug addiction. I was a hard core drunk and addict for almost 30 years. Started when I was a teen. When I got out of treatment I felt the exact same way. I was clean but Numb, depressed, full of anxiety, and felt strangely like I didn?t know really who I was anymore. I didn?t know how to cope with life so PMO came to my rescue.
Recovering from PMO is a lot like recovering from substance abuse (harder actually no pun intended). I never fallowed through and learned how to cope with life with out being medicated.
With substance abuse treatment you go to rehab. When you get out you go to meetings and/or groups and listen and talk to people in your same situation. You associate with them. You have a list of people you can call and say hey bud I?m in a bad way can we go out for a cup of coffee. With PMO I am too ashamed to tell anyone about it face to face. I have been trying to do this on my own in secret and failing. I have to change that! I do have this forum (which is great). But I need to use it more. But I also need a group to attend and I am looking for one.
The Hard mode is Hard. But I have to do it. When I quit drinking I knew I couldn't take even a sip. And doing this alone is not working either. So I?m going to get help. I called a counselor today and I am keeping a journal. In fact just writing this has already helped me today at this time at least. Thanks reboot Nation Forum.
Now I am going for the ?hard mode?. 11 days in and I am going through the usual depressive periods, major anxiety, panic attracts, sex and porn dreams. They don?t last forever but come and go. The big difference for me with the ?hard mode is this feeling like I don?t know who I am now. I feel numb because I don?t know how to feel or what my true identity is. This all seemed like D?j? vu. And it is!
Over 10 years ago I went into treatment for alcohol and drug addiction. I was a hard core drunk and addict for almost 30 years. Started when I was a teen. When I got out of treatment I felt the exact same way. I was clean but Numb, depressed, full of anxiety, and felt strangely like I didn?t know really who I was anymore. I didn?t know how to cope with life so PMO came to my rescue.
Recovering from PMO is a lot like recovering from substance abuse (harder actually no pun intended). I never fallowed through and learned how to cope with life with out being medicated.
With substance abuse treatment you go to rehab. When you get out you go to meetings and/or groups and listen and talk to people in your same situation. You associate with them. You have a list of people you can call and say hey bud I?m in a bad way can we go out for a cup of coffee. With PMO I am too ashamed to tell anyone about it face to face. I have been trying to do this on my own in secret and failing. I have to change that! I do have this forum (which is great). But I need to use it more. But I also need a group to attend and I am looking for one.
The Hard mode is Hard. But I have to do it. When I quit drinking I knew I couldn't take even a sip. And doing this alone is not working either. So I?m going to get help. I called a counselor today and I am keeping a journal. In fact just writing this has already helped me today at this time at least. Thanks reboot Nation Forum.