From a life with hardcore P, to a life with a GF and flat line ED, but improving

[Karkula]

Kid - Found out about P browsing my dad's software on a C64
12 - MO on lingerie models in shopping catalogues and my dad's playboy calender's and magazines
18 - MO on internet pictures; both from 'real' woman and 'hentai'.
20 - MO while playing hentai games / watching hentai series collection
21 - Gave up on having a girlfriend
26 - Stopped collecting hentai, but found some new interest in hentai comics on the web and replayed old games
29 - Traded hentai material for hardcore P videos on internet
30 - Played my last hentai game and decided to stop doing that for good.
31 - Started dating, stopped porn. MO once a week in shower.
32 - Got GF, found I had ED, got into sex therapy for a few months and found yourbrainonporn.
33 - at some point educated my therapist about yourbrainonporn, and then decided together with GF to quit therapy and let time heal it.

P free for over a year now. Relapse with MO on old thoughts about once every month. These MO sessions include methods I picked up from hardcore P. Crazy stuff. I happen to see a direct relation to my ED getting worse around the same time I MO in weird ways on weird thoughts.

Over the past year with GF, my ED definitely improved though. From flat lining to rock hard morning wood and streaks of successful attempts at having vanilla sex with GF every day. But this morning we tried twice on morning wood and while going I lost all feeling, get bored and go limp during the act. This was after MO'ing yesterday while my GF was gone during the day. And then this night / morning made for some less fruitful moments in my relationship and I hate it. This reboot is a constant battle. Maybe I take longer, because of trying with my GF, but I feel total absence from O will only hurt my relationship more than having some ED issues in between success, so I keep on going my way with doing a reboot.

Decided I join this forum and keep a journal of some sort and at the same time keep an eye on the whole development within this community. I really must quit the hardcore madness I created in my head and just enjoy my GF and get natural Es and Os... For now the focus is to no longer M on urges. My GF should be the source of O. Not me and certainly not P (thoughts).

 

[Karkula]

This morning still ED trouble. Got excited playing with GF, but no E to be found. GF helped doing a bit of HJ stroking, while I was exploring her and I got a fairly weak E going. Then we had sex with me at 60% E, but I went slowly limp again during the act. Luckily she O'd 2 times and I was happy for that. She finally decided to massage me down there again and I finally had an O, but that was a lot of work for her. Did feel kinda good though. Hopefully recovering from my past weekend's dumb event fast. The little fellah seems to respond to my GF still, if ever so slightly....

 

[Karkula]

Stayed busy past weekend with my video games and creative hobby as GF was gone. No MO sessions. Not much thoughts about sex away from GF.

With GF lot's of sex though, like every day, but it included a lot of going limp moments as well.
I noticed I can't enjoy sex much unless I'm simply lying on my back (in the same way I'd MO solo, if it's not in the shower) and let GF do her thing. As long as I really focus on how it all feels, I can enjoy it and O. But sometimes if GF O's before me, I simply 'give up' and be happy that she had her fun. It's hit or miss still, but better then how things were right after the MO session of last week.

First time ever I felt aliveness in my little fellah while biking behind a chick this morning. Was looking at her butt and it aroused me greatly I guess. This really is the first time in soo many years that there is actually some aliveness down there, aside from morning wood in bed or me or GF actually touching it. So happy for that.