WhatFakerDoes
Member
NOTICE: Sorry for my poor grammar
I started watching porn when I was a kid(About 10 years old). Since then I've been watching once or twice a month together with masturbation. Everything was fine until when I was in 10th grade, I had girlfriend that time. It was not a puppy love or infatuation thing, I really love her. And even I have a girlfriend, I still continued to PMO but now more frequent. When we broke up, that's when the real problem started. She was my first that's why I'm too emotional that time, I even cried for months because of that. But after a few months, I've notice something has change in me. I developed HOCD (Homosexual Obssesive Compulsive Disorder) and it was mess. I've been doubting myself that I might be gay because we broke up. Fast forward after one year of struggling HOCD, that time I always frequently PMO, I became an antisocial and always get anxious. In that one year, I've watched too many porn. From softcore to hardcore. I even watched gay porn just to prove that I'm not gay (Nothing Happened). But still the HOCD is in me. Also in that one year of HOCD, I developed OCD. And It's getting in my nerves. I went to the doctor and she confirmed I have OCD and HOCD.
In three weeks I'll be starting my counselling. What I need to do is to stop to PMO. Because it only contributes to my OCD as PMO releases dopamine (which is a neurotransmitter); OCD is a psychological condition of having a chemical imbalance of neurotransmitters and the more that I PMO the more that my OCD worsens.
Porn Just gave me problems. I become an antisocial person, I always get anxious and depressed, my confidence (especially around girls) is now gone. And my sexual attraction is just boxed in the porn world (I can't appreciate girls in the real world). I've tried so many times since the last 10 months of stopping PMO but I always relapse. My longest stop is for 4 weeks and just ruined by a pleasure that only lasts for 15 minutes. It's really good to stop porn but my mind keeps on telling me that I need porn. It's really hard to quit because I am now an addict. I admit it. But now, I really need to stop it. It's like a domino effect. Once I stop my porn addiction, my OCD and HOCD will slowly fade and I will get back to normal again but I just can't have the right timing and determination to stop. But now I'm willing to change, for the sake of my family and friends and for her. Yes the girl that broke up with me. I still love her after almost 2 years I still love her despite what happened. I need to change, to be a better person to get back to her. My motivation a few months ago to stop is to cure my OCD but now it's for my mom, my dad, for GOD and for the girl that I loved all through the years. Wish me luck and may God guide me all the way.
P.S. I'm a Christian and I'm from the Philippines but I do have a foreign blood.
P.S. I'll update my journal daily for the first few months and weekly hopefully after two months
In three weeks I'll be starting my counselling. What I need to do is to stop to PMO. Because it only contributes to my OCD as PMO releases dopamine (which is a neurotransmitter); OCD is a psychological condition of having a chemical imbalance of neurotransmitters and the more that I PMO the more that my OCD worsens.
Porn Just gave me problems. I become an antisocial person, I always get anxious and depressed, my confidence (especially around girls) is now gone. And my sexual attraction is just boxed in the porn world (I can't appreciate girls in the real world). I've tried so many times since the last 10 months of stopping PMO but I always relapse. My longest stop is for 4 weeks and just ruined by a pleasure that only lasts for 15 minutes. It's really good to stop porn but my mind keeps on telling me that I need porn. It's really hard to quit because I am now an addict. I admit it. But now, I really need to stop it. It's like a domino effect. Once I stop my porn addiction, my OCD and HOCD will slowly fade and I will get back to normal again but I just can't have the right timing and determination to stop. But now I'm willing to change, for the sake of my family and friends and for her. Yes the girl that broke up with me. I still love her after almost 2 years I still love her despite what happened. I need to change, to be a better person to get back to her. My motivation a few months ago to stop is to cure my OCD but now it's for my mom, my dad, for GOD and for the girl that I loved all through the years. Wish me luck and may God guide me all the way.
P.S. I'm a Christian and I'm from the Philippines but I do have a foreign blood.
P.S. I'll update my journal daily for the first few months and weekly hopefully after two months